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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141839">Loverboy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciouslittletime/pseuds/preciouslittletime'>preciouslittletime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>All of Seventeen is here and also all of Twice, Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Best Friends to Strangers to Fake Boyfriends to Lovers, Fake Dating, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Learning How To Play Overwatch But In Like A Romantic Way, M/M, Moderately Heavy Alcohol Consumption, Past Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Past Lee Seokmin | DK/Yoon Jeonghan, Practice Kissing, Soonyoung Writes The Word Dude In His Love Letters, Take A Shot For Every Fan Fiction Trope I Include In This</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:49:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>68,528</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciouslittletime/pseuds/preciouslittletime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soonyoung had crushes over the years. Debilitating crushes, apocalyptic crushes that made it feel like Sooonyoung’s entire world was ending. But they’re crushes he could never, ever admit to for fear of death - dramatic, but true. </p><p>Writing the letters helped him get closure, so he didn’t have to go through the inevitable pain of rejection. Something about the act of sealing them, stamping them, and tricking his brain into thinking that he was going to confess would help him move on.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>South x Southwest: A Soonyoung/Wonwoo Prompt Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">



        <li>In response to a prompt by
            Anonymous in the <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/soonwoo2020">soonwoo2020</a>
          collection.
        </li>
    </ul><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So *claps hands* this prompt got me and I went a little wild. I've made some adjustments: They are in college instead of high school and Seokmin will be playing the part of Josh rather than John. I'm basing this off the movie, because I've actually never read the book (yikes, I know I should). </p><p>Some important things: based on American school stuff, anyone born in the fall would be in school grade lower than that the rest of their friends. So like Jeonghan, for instance, is still born in 1995, but is in the same grade as Soonyoung. However, for all the twice girls, anyone 1996 and older are Juniors and 1997 and below are Sophomores (with exception of Tzuyu who is a freshman)</p><p>There is a playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jBHRyZfu5FUoBmzimiJ6T?si=2YW9ZdfjRTGM-g6EaqLjMQ">here</a></p><p>Thank you to this prompter. I hope you like it even though I made some changes!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <strong>Prompt:</strong></p><p> </p><p>PROMPT: To All The Boys I've Loved Before!AU where Soonyoung (who is already a chronicle diarist) writes a love letter to every boy he's ever had a crush on, but never sends them. They're not meant to be seen by anyone, but somehow, his letters get sent out to every single boy he's ever written about. Including Jeon Wonwoo, an ex-crush of his who offers to pretend to date Soonyoung so that Soonyoung can avoid his latest crush, while Wonwoo can make his ex jealous so they can get back together.</p><p>Lara Jean = Soonyoung<br/>Peter = Wonwoo<br/>John = author's choice</p><p>DO NOT INCLUDE: Sad endings, infidelity</p><p>RATING RANGE: Any rating</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What time is it there? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Soonyoung says. He’s sitting on the floor of his new studio apartment, ignoring the hyper-focused shots of Jeonghan’s forehead on FaceTime, and instead focusing on the way Seungkwan is completely rearranging his four foot by four foot kitchen for the third time.</p><p>“Why don’t you listen to me when I talk?” Jeonghan scoffs. His full face finally pops back into a frame, but it’s so dark in Jeonghan’s dorm room, Soonyoung can hardly make out anything except for Jeonghan’s teeth when he smiles. “Seoul. Sixteen hours ahead of Portland. Just add four and flip it from day to night.”</p><p>“Not all of us are Mathematics majors, Jeonghan. Where’s your roommate?”</p><p>“Out. I don’t know. He came here with a friend so I hardly ever see him.”</p><p>Soonyoung leans back on the chipped hardwood floor, holding the camera over his face. “Ah, I remember living with a roommate. My youth,” he says wistfully.</p><p>Seungkwan throws a wad of newspaper that hits him straight in his stomach. His arm has gotten better since Damn Yankees. Seungkwan is a method actor through and through. With Midsummer Night’s Dream coming up, he’s prepared for Seungkwan to start throwing “thou” into casual conversation. </p><p>Jeonghan laughs. “You’ve lived alone for <em> three days </em>and you already asked to FaceTime me.”</p><p>“Am I not allowed to miss you?” Soonyoung pouts. “My closest friend? My longtime roommate? All the way on the other side of the ocean?”</p><p>“I think that you require constant stimulation and that you’re upset that I moved away two weeks before I turned twenty-one and could buy you alcohol,” Jeonghan says impassively. </p><p>“I am very mad at you for that.”</p><p>“Good. I planned it on purpose that way.”</p><p>Seungkwan pads into the living-room-slash-bedroom. “Jeonghan he called me at seven in the morning asking me to come over.”</p><p>Soonyoung scoffs. “I asked you to go to <em> breakfast </em> at Bluebird with me. You’re the one who decided to come inside!”</p><p>Seungkwan plops himself beside Soonyoung on the floor, back up against the futon - currently the most expensive item in the room - and wrestles the phone out of Soonyoung’s hand. “You know what his idea was of unpacking his kitchen? Leaving it in boxes and writing what’s in them on the side.”</p><p>“My dad wrote on the boxes, not me,” Soonyoung argues. He slides up to put his back on the futon, too, and pushes himself back into the frame of the video. “And I don’t get why you all think I’m incapable of living alone. I’m so capable. The <em> most </em> capable.”</p><p>“He has at least two boxes full of crap we still need to sort through,” Seungkwan says, ignoring Soonyoung entirely. “I mean it’s just...junk. <em> Two </em> boxes.”</p><p>“Those are memories. That’s why I wrote ‘memories’ on the box.” Soonyoung points at the boxes in question for emphasis. They’re stacked one on top of the other near the front door. Along with seven over boxes that still need to be unpacked. Seungkwan has assessed all of them.</p><p>“It’s paper,” Seungkwan sighs.</p><p>“<em> And </em> pictures.”</p><p>“Hoarder.”</p><p>Soonyoung sticks his tongue out and Seungkwan does it back. </p><p>“Hey Soonyoungie…” Jeonghan says. His voice is different, quiet. Soonyoung is perceptive enough to know Jeonghan is upset before he even looks at him. </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Only Jeonghan’s face is on the screen, but it’s obvious how he’s tucked in on himself. “How is he?” he asks.</p><p>Soonyoung and Seungkwan share a look. If anyone should know, it’s the two of them. </p><p>“We don’t know,” Seungkwan answers for both of them. “He won’t talk to any of us.”</p><p> </p><p><b>-</b> <b> <em>34 days ago-</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan and Soonyoung’s apartment was in complete disarray. And even then that was an understatement. </p><p>Between the last of the summer camp classes at the dance studio and Jeonghan’s nearly-full-time schedule at Bluebird, they hadn’t had much time to do any packing. Even when they <em> were </em>home, the humidity had been far too aggressive to consider anything other than sitting in front of the box fan in the living room and wishing they had air conditioning.</p><p>But not now. They <em> had </em>to pack because in forty-seven hours, Jeonghan would be getting on a plane to Seoul.</p><p>Seokmin was acting as arbitrator, lifting up dishes and books and t-shirts, asking who their owner was and settling the negotiations. He was sitting criss-cross legged on the carpet in the living room, shorts rucked up to the hem of his boxer briefs to get as much ventilation as possible. It didn’t do all that much to help him. He was still blotchy-faced and sweaty.</p><p>Soonyoung couldn’t stop staring at his thighs.</p><p>“How is it that Jeonghan is ending up with everything? He can’t even take half this stuff with him,” Seokmin said.</p><p>Jeonghan was in his bedroom, most likely just yanking clothes out of the closet by the way Soonyoung kept hearing hangers clacking together. Soonyoung was always thankful for the moments where Jeonghan left them alone. But, then again, Soonyoung had always been the dumbest person he knew.</p><p>“I don’t have concrete evidence, but I think you’re not very impartial,” Soonyoung squinted back, holding up an invisible magnifying glass to his eye.</p><p>Seokmin tapped on his chin in thought. “Hm, probably. I carry bias. I like Jeonghan more.”</p><p>“I gave you, like, a whole <em> box </em> of manga,” Soonyoung feignined seriousness. “You are so ungrateful. I want it back.”</p><p>Seokmin flashed him that perfect smile and Soonyoung melted into the floor like he was made of wax. </p><p>“Nooo,” Seokmin whined, yanking on Soonyoung’s wrists with way too much force. “I take it back. I’m sooo grateful.”</p><p>Soonyoung was laughing, but really he was just staring at where Seokmin was touching him. It was <em> way </em> too hot for it. Soonyoung sweats too much for it to be cute, and Seokmin’s palms were equally clammy and gross. It was still nice, though, in that <em> Soonyoung you’re a lovesick idiot </em> way. A little zip of excitement at the contact, a little pill of hope that Soonyoung was over-eager to swallow.</p><p>Jeonghan came into the living room with another pile of clothes. He dropped them in a heap on the living room floor and then dropped himself down next to it. There was a mixture of all of their clothes, Soonyoung’s old dance team sweatshirts from high school and Seokmin oversized flannels. Seokmin let his wrist go to start sifting through them.</p><p>“You are not taking all <em> my </em>clothes to Korea,” Soonyoung said with the jab of his finger. </p><p>“I never said I was,” Jeonghan replied with a little snarl - no real animosity behind it. He picked up one of Soonyoung’s sweatshirts and threw it at his head. “Brat.”</p><p>Soonyoung shouted, and the sweatshirt landed perfectly over his face, obscuring his view. He could hear Seokmin say <em> You can take some of mine </em>. Then the sounds of them kissing. Soonyoung pulled the sweatshirt off his head and, as always, regurgitated that little pill of hope.</p><p>It got worse as they got closer to “D-Day”. </p><p>It wasn't unusual for Seokmin to come over every night. The three of them bought groceries <em> together </em> the entire Summer. But lately, instead of the three of them eating dinner and watching movies and laughing so hard they get noise complaints, Seokmin had been making a bee-line for Jeonghan’s room the second he walked in the door. Soonyoung had gotten into a routine of turning up his music for the next hour lest he be subjected to sounds he didn’t want to hear.</p><p>When they first started dating, Soonyoung’s mom warned him that this would happen. <em> Soonie, </em> she said <em> , I know you’re best friends with them both, but maybe you should consider that they’ll want some time to themselves </em>. </p><p>He called himself The World’s Cutest Third Wheel and sometimes even Jeonghan called them a ‘Throuple’. All in good fun. Never serious. Only the joke had started to feel worn out and maybe his mom was right - she always was, she’s the smartest.</p><p>But, what his mom didn’t know was the other big, giant, glaring part of the problem. He’d been afraid to tell her. Or anyone for that matter. Because people liked to give Soonyoung this super annoying, pitying look when he did dumb things and this was probably the dumbest thing he’d ever done.</p><p>Not that he would have blamed them. It was <em> pretty </em> fucked up that was in “L-Word” with his best friend’s boyfriend. </p><p>Soonyoung got up and left the living room once Jeonghan decided Seokmin’s cute offer warranted him a tongue down his throat. Which was fine. It was fine. Soonyoung could finish up in his bedroom and blast music and completely ignore how Seokmin couldn’t keep quiet when somebody was blowing him. </p><p>He started on his desk, which was the main problem area of his room aside from the utterly outstanding number of stuffed animals he kept under his bed. The whole desk area was a bit useless for somebody studying dance and had, over the last year, become a dumping ground for all the things Soonyoung wasn’t quite sure what to do with.</p><p>The drawers were packed full of old papers, notes passed in classes and ticket stubs from movies he’d seen six years ago. There were polaroids pinned to the cork backboard ever since Seokmin got his bright blue little Instax. Jeonghan demanded to bring it to parties so he could document evidence for what Soonyoung would guess to be blackmail or to sell on eBay when all his cool Art School friends got famous. </p><p>There were nearly fifty on there now - the three of them in different states of drunkenness, one where he was licking ice cream off of Seungkwan’s cheek, a picture they took of Soonyoung after Spring Showcase showing that he danced a hole in his tights.</p><p>Soonyoung had a hard time throwing things away. It extended here. An irrational sentimentality that made him pack almost everything in the drawers and the shelves of the desk, from playbills to scraps of customer copy receipts from Bluebird that Jeonghan drew angry little faces on.</p><p>He dumped the heaps of papers in a moving box until he could see the bottom of the biggest drawer, where the holy grail of Soonyoung’s Bad Choices could be summed up in one old Vans shoebox.</p><p>He never really intended to start writing the letters. </p><p>Well, that’s not true. The <em> first </em> one had been intentional.</p><p>When he was twelve, his parents paid for him to go to a dance camp in Southern California. It was six blissful days sweating his ass off in Long Beach, staying in the Cal State dorms, meeting other kids his age. <em> Boys </em> his age. Who <em> danced </em>. It changed his entire life for two big reasons.</p><p>One: he had finally learned how to do a switch leap without falling.</p><p>Two: Junhui Wen.</p><p>He was Soonyoung’s randomly assigned roommate, who was taller than any other twelve year old he’d ever met in his life and could do twenty fouettes without even trying. Soonyoung had always <em> thought </em> he’d liked girls up until that point. Jessica H. was the biggest crush he’d ever had. But nothing compared to Jun. </p><p>Every molecule in Soonyoung’s body told him that Jun was meant for him. They were born five days apart. They both liked dance. They were both allergic to strawberries. They both liked to talk in weird voices. They were both afraid of the dark, but didn’t like to tell anyone. Soulmates. </p><p>When Soonyoung had to leave camp at the end of the week, he cried so hard that he got a nosebleed. Jun had cried, too. Junhui wasn’t allowed to have a cell phone yet, but he promised that he’d write Soonyoung letters. Soonyoung promised the same thing. They hugged and hugged until Soonyoung’s mom came to pick him up in her rented Ford Focus. And then Soonyoung got into the car and listened to I Miss You by Blink-182 the entire two hour flight home.</p><p>He ended up writing Jun three pages - college ruled, margin to margin, both sides - of a declaration of love. He cried the whole thing. Almost puked once. Let it sit for two days. And by the time he’d sealed it and stamped it, the feeling wasn’t so overwhelming anymore. He never sent the letter. And that was that.</p><p>But it started something.</p><p>Soonyoung had crushes over the years. Debilitating crushes, apocalyptic crushes that made it feel like Sooonyoung’s entire world was ending. But they’re crushes he could never, ever admit to for fear of death - dramatic, but true. </p><p>Writing the letters helped him get closure, so he didn’t have to go through the inevitable pain of rejection. Something about the act of sealing them, stamping them, and tricking his brain into thinking that he was going to confess would help him move on. </p><p>There were five letters in the box:</p>
<ol>
<li>Junhui Wen from dance camp</li>
<li>Wonwoo Jeon his first kiss</li>
<li>Taemin from SHINee</li>
<li>Jihoon Lee from College Orientation</li>
<li>Seokmin the hook up. The only letter he hasn’t sealed.</li>
</ol><p>Soonyoung turned Seokmin’s letter over in his hand, studying the green-blue envelope like an old timey cowboy stand-off - eyes narrowed, waiting for any sudden movements. He threw himself back-first onto his bed and yanked the piece of notebook paper out from the envelope. </p><p>
  <em> Dear Seokmin, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This is crazy right? We just were supposed to hook up. Did you know you give really good head? Congrats, dude. It was like 11/10. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> See, the problem is, I let you sleep over. Which was kind of a fuck up on my part, because even before that I knew it was bad. Most guys I hook up with are kind of not the best guys in the world. You weren’t that though. And you made me breakfast in the morning and we found out we like all the same stuff. And you’re so weird. Like my kind of weird. Wow. I kind of wanted to marry you. Ew. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then, Jeonghan came home. And uhhhh yeah. You know the rest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m pretty sure we liked each other at one point. But now you’re kind of off-limits for the rest of our lives and probably even after that. Ghost Jeonghan would probably kill ghost me for wanting to bang ghost you. Can ghosts fuck? I’m gonna ask you when I see you out in the living room in a second.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anyways, I know I can’t change the past. Even if I wanted to, because you and I watched Back to the Future like a month ago and that’s a horror movie NOT a comedy.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I probably wouldn’t even change the past now because you’re always gonna love Jeonghan. But I do love you. Capital I, L, &amp; Y. Hopefully one day I’ll get over it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Good on you for finding your soulmate at 18.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Soonyoung </em>
</p><p>He refolded the paper, holding the tiny sandwich of it in one hand and the envelope in the other, both hands uselessly on the bed. It’d been almost a year since he’d written this letter. Almost a year since Soonyoung and Seokmin had met at the first Art Kid Party of the year. Almost a year since Soonyoung had brought Seokmin back to this very apartment. Almost a year since Seokmin first met Jeonghan and it was love at first sight.</p><p>Then Soonyoung heard all the yelling. Over his music, even. It was bad.</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t understand. You’re not making any sense.” </em>
</p><p>It was Seokmin, voice high and pitchy like it gets when he’s crying, but raised much louder than Soonyoung was used to hearing. </p><p>
  <em> “You’re the one making this difficult.” </em>
</p><p>And Jeonghan. Equally loud.</p><p>
  <em> “But if you love me, then why are you breaking up with me?” </em>
</p><p>Soonyoung couldn’t really put a word for the dread he felt at the moment. It was like hearing somebody had <em> died </em>.</p><p>
  <em> “We should both be free to do what we want. I’m going to Korea, you’re a sophomore. I’m not going have you wait around for me. What if I don’t want to come back?” </em>
</p><p><em> “What? </em> What? <em> So now you’re not planning on coming back?” </em></p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know, Seokmin! Maybe I just want the option.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you...you think I’m holding you back?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Seokmin…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I love you. I’d move to Korea if you asked me to.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You shouldn’t want to change your life for me after being together for eleven months. Stop. You’re being crazy.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Jeonghan I don’t want this. Please.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I love you. I’m sorry. But this is for the best. You say I’m always right, right? Trust me on this.” </em>
</p><p>Soonyoung nearly fell off the bed when the front door slammed. </p><p>He rushed to shove Seokmin’s letter in the envelope, sealed it, and threw it in one of the moving boxes with the rest of the letters. The mess could wait. </p><p>When he sprinted into the living room and found Jeonghan crumpled on the floor. Which was bad. Jeonghan <em> never </em> cried. In two years, he’d only seen it happen once and it was because of a death in the family. This was Jeonghan <em> sobbing </em> and Soonyoung had never, ever seen him this bad.</p><p>Soonyoung flung himself around Jeonghan’s back, hugging him from behind until Jeonghan untucked his head from his knees and turned to face him. They were like that for fifteen minutes at least. Soonyoung’s legs practically in a middle split and Jeonghan attached to him like a koala. Soonyoung’s shirt was soaked through on the shoulder, sticky and uncomfortable. It was still way too hot for them to be hugging like this, but Soonyoung would have rather died from heat stroke than pull away first.</p><p>Eventually, Jeonghan said: “That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.”</p><p>And then Soonyoung lied: “He’ll be okay,” </p><p>He was at a loss of what to say. Between the two of them, Jeonghan was always the one who knew what to do in a situation like this, because usually, their roles were reversed. Soonyoung wasn’t good at saying all the right things like Jeonghan is. He was usually the one saying all the <em> wrong </em> things, actually.</p><p>Some of the wrong things he wanted to say could be summarized as <em> Jeonghan you’re the smartest person I know, but that was stupid and Seokmin will never get over you and even though I’m in love with him, I’d rather him never love me back and be with you than be brokenhearted. </em></p><p>He doesn’t say that. </p><p>He just hugged Jeonghan, despite all the collective sweat. Because actions spoke louder than words anyways.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Seungkwan is still in his apartment at 2:30 in the afternoon. </p><p>It’s an alright place as far as shitty apartments go. The landlord said it used to be a boarding house in the 1900’s which doesn’t mean much except everything is leaning slightly to the left and none of the outlets have three prongs. Oh, and the basement is totally haunted, so he will <em> definitely </em> be taking his laundry to his parents’ house.</p><p>“I think,” Soonyoung says, after trying to bite through a Nature Valley bar without cracking a filling. “I think this is the year I get a boyfriend.”</p><p>“Are you helping or not?” Seungkwan asks without turning around. He’s sorting through the boxes of ‘junk’ by the front door as Soonyoung attempts Seungkwan’s Marie Kondo folds on his collection of graphic t-shirts. </p><p>“I think if I like...try to manifest it, it’ll happen. Speak it into truth.” </p><p>“It most assuredly does not work that way.” Seungkwan has at least fifteen distinct piles going. One for photos, one for old schoolwork, one for receipts, and so on and so forth. He refuses to let Soonyoung help until he’s done sorting.</p><p>“That’s because you’re a realist.” Soongyoung bites off another jagged hunk of his granola bar. “And no fun.”</p><p>“If I’m no fun, then why do you always call me to come over,” Seungkwan snaps. “And maybe you’d have an easier time finding a boyfriend if you were actually interested in someone. Just a suggestion.”</p><p>Nobody really knows about the Seokmin thing. Not <em> just </em> because Seokmin and Jeonghan were so distractingly in love with one another that Soonyoung’s crush went mostly undetected. It was also because Soonyoung has always been really, really bad at differentiating how he should behave with the people he likes and the people he <em> like </em> likes. </p><p>“Maybe I am interested in somebody and you just don’t know it, yet. Did you ever consider that I contain depth you’re not aware of?”</p><p>“You contain multitudes, Soonie. But subtlety is not one of those many, beautiful dimensions.”</p><p>Soonyoung frowns. “What about you? Do you like anyone?”</p><p>“It’s only syllabus week. You can’t know somebody after like...one class.” Seungkwan rolls his eyes.</p><p>“It took you the same amount of time to know you hate Chan Lee,” Soonyoung says, lifting an eyebrow.</p><p>“Well, there only gets to be one young prodigy who skipped a grade and entered one of the most foremost arts programs in the United States of America at an impressive seventeen years of age. And <em> that </em> position has already been taken. By me. Thank you.” Seungkwan flings a stack of polaroids indelicately into the pile. “Also, Jeonghan stalked him on Instagram and said he has a bigger butt than me. So, fuck him.”</p><p>“That’s not possible. What about Hansol? That new Music kid.” </p><p>“The one who’s rushing a frat? Oh God, no, absolutely not.”</p><p>“Because he’s joining a frat?”</p><p>“Because he’s actively choosing to perpetuate the inherent misogyny that a fraternity represents.” He tsks. “And he’s paying like $400 a quarter for friendship, embarrassing.”</p><p>Soonyoung laughs. He loves it when Seungkwan gets bitchy like this. Kind of like when you pull the tab on a Beyblade. Let it rip, Seungkwan.  </p><p>“But The Girls are in a sorority. Isn’t that the same thing?”</p><p>Seungkwan waves his hand around in the air while he shuffles through more of the loose class notes Soonyoung shove at the very bottom of the box.  “Hey,” he says suddenly, like he’s just remembered. “Speaking of frat boys. Did you hear that Mingyu broke up with Wonwoo?”</p><p>Soonyoung scoots closer to the piles on the floor. “What? When?” They’ve been dating for an entire year. Very publicly. So, publicly, in fact, that people that didn’t even know them had a weird investment in the relationship. Two hot frat guys dating? Kissing in public? Taking each other to Formal with matching boutonnieres? Practically a celebrity couple as far as most people were concerned.</p><p>“I heard it was last Sunday. And kind of public? I mean whatever, they live together in that house with like twenty five other people so it was <em> private </em> but it was still public.” Seungkwan bats Soonyoung’s hand away from the messy stack of polaroids. “Anyways, I guess Wonwoo is like. Super hurt. Wasn’t he your friend?”</p><p>“Yeah, a long time ago,” Soonyoung says quietly.</p><p>Seungkwan nods sagely. “I kinda thought they’d be one of those freak couples who gets engaged in college.” He pauses. “And Soonyoung Kwon I will literally tie your hands if you keep trying to mess up my hard work. You have so much shit I need to organize. Go back to folding.”</p><p>Soonyoung puckers his lips and makes a kissy sound. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The second week of classes is like one of those nightmares where you forget you have a test. Except it’s a real possibility that Soonyoung has forgotten a test. Soonyoung has bitten off way more than he can chew between classes and work at the studio. </p><p>He probably bit off more than he could chew when he decided to go to Evergreen in the first place. While most of the kids were from the Portland metro - like Soonyoung - the School of Fine and Performing Arts had become a magnet on the West Coast. It was Soonyoung’s dream school, rife with opportunity, but coupled with a grueling curriculum and some of the most talented people in his generation.</p><p>On Mondays for instance, he makes the 15 minute walk to campus <em> alone </em> and with <em> no free coffee </em> because of Jeonghan’s absence. Then he has two separate dance classes - Modern and Partnering - before a break and then Music Theory. Then after that, he hops on the yellow line to get downtown to teach the tiny tots how to put their little Payless-ballet-shoe feet in first position. The last part of the day is always the best - he likes when they sit in butterfly position on the floor and the kids get to decide where they’re going to fly to next.</p><p>Momo is kind enough to share her water in Modern since he’d forgotten his bottle at home. Nayeon looks like she might punch him in the head by the end of Partnering, because it’s all peace and love until you almost drop somebody. He also forgot to do his Music Theory assignment and in two hours, he’s going to have to try and discuss The Common Practice Period with a Freshman who actually did the reading.</p><p>It’s a relatively nice day, though. The sun is out, it’s October Pacific Northwest Hot, and most of the other students roaming around campus haven’t been crushed by the stress of the quarter yet. A portion of The Girls, as he so lovingly calls them, are spread out on the grass with him in the middle of the quad. Jihyo and Chaeyoung are still in class and Nayeon has work, but the rest - Momo, Mina, Dahyun, Jeongyeon, and Sana -  are tittering excitedly about Sorority Recruitment later in the day.</p><p>People used to give him a lot of shit for only being friends with girls. At first it had been just the circumstances of being the only boy at his dance studio and spending more time there than he did at home.</p><p>As he got older, though, he just always hung out with girls, and people <em> always </em> had something to say. Which, was stupid in his opinion. The whole dividing line between the genders thing needed to be left in the 1950’s with like...Jell-O casseroles and The Red Scare.</p><p>“Hey,” Mina whispers into his ear as the rest of the girls talk about who’s doing whose hair later. “Have you talked to Seok?” </p><p>The short answer is no. The long answer is no, but he’s tried. The last thirty-five texts he’s sent - yes, he’s counting -  have gone unanswered. Everything from really, really funny Naruto memes, to invitations to get food, to asking him to come over and watch Cutthroat Kitchen at his really cool new apartment. Never <em> I miss you </em> , or <em> I hope you’re okay </em> because he doesn’t want to scare Seokmin off. Seokmin sees them all. He turned on his read receipts almost like he’s trying to prove a point.</p><p>“I’m sure he’s just been busy,” Soonyoung says tactfully.</p><p>“I miss him,” Mina frowns. “I saw him the other day and asked why he never comes to have lunch out here with us anymore and he just...he looked really sad.”</p><p>Seokmin and Mina have always gotten along best. Seokmin gets along with <em> everyone </em> but there’s something about how delicate they both are that makes them have a better connection. </p><p>“I’m worried about him,” Mina adds. </p><p>“I know,” Soonyoung sighs. He leans back on his hands, palms denting into the damp grass. “Me too. But, you know him. He’s gotta work through it a bit on his own first. You know? Kind of like how you have to wait for a scab to get really hard before it stops falling off every time you move around.”</p><p>“Gross,” Dahyun snorts. Soonyoung hadn’t even realized the rest of the girls had started listening to him. </p><p>“Call me crazy, but I’m not sure I even get why they broke up in the first place,” Sana says. </p><p>If Soonyoung’s being totally honest, he doesn’t either. But Jeonghan has always been kind of flighty, and he sort of feels better when big changes happen, like he wants everything to be shaken up so he doesn’t collect sediment at the bottom. It’s why he’s going to school on the West Coast, instead of back in Florida. It’s also why he wanted to go to school in another country altogether - even if he’s technically from said county.</p><p>It’s kind of aggravating sometimes. Jeonghan is a <em> really </em> good friend. He’s good at giving advice, he’s great at spending quality time with you even when you don’t realize that you need it, but he’s also incredibly secretive, and unrealistically fearful of commitment. When they lived together, he swindled their landlord into accepting a separate check instead of putting his and Soonyoung’s rent payment on one.</p><p>Soonyoung doesn’t say any of this though. He’s not in the habit of bad-mouthing his friends, even if they kind of deserve it.</p><p>“I’m <em> positive </em> Seokmin is going to be okay,” he says cheerily. “It’ll be fine.”</p><p>Momo shakes her head. “I don’t know...I saw his Spotify stuff on my friendslist yesterday and he’s been listening to Lorde Supercut on repeat.”</p><p><em> Yikes </em>.</p><p>“I mean it’s a good song,” Soonyoung winces. </p><p>If he’s honest. It breaks his heart in a major and frustrating way. What he wants to do is kick in the door to Seokmin’s dorm room, hug him until he inevitably starts to cry, and then kiss all the tears of his face. He’d pay special attention to his cheeks, because he’s seen Seokmin giggle when Jeonghan kissed him there, and that information kind of sucks, too.</p><p>“Hey”</p><p>Soonyoung looks up and Wonwoo is standing there, big head eclipsing the sun. He sees him around every now and then - this school isn’t very big - and it’s not the first time they’ve crossed paths and Wonwoo summarily ignores him except for a polite smile. So, Soonyoung is pretty sure the <em> hey </em> he hears Wonwoo say is meant for one of the other dozens of people enjoying the last few days of warm sunshine for the year. </p><p>“Hello? Soonyoung? I’m talking to you.”</p><p>Soonyoung glances up again and <em> really </em> notices Wonwoo this time. He’s not nearly as scrawny as he was when they were kids, as evidenced by the plain black t-shirt practically ripping at the seams across his shoulders. He still wears the same glasses though. Big, round wire ones that make him look a little bit like the shifty owl from the tootsie-pop commercial.</p><p>Behind those glasses, he looks exasperated - a look Soonyoung has seen before - and pretty mad - Soonyoung is less familiar with that one.</p><p>“Hi,” Soonyoung says with a smile. “Sorry I didn’t realize. What’s up?”</p><p>Wonwoo looks around at the girls, who are all looking at him eagerly. “We should probably do this in private.”</p><p>Sooonyoung’s stomach feels pretty floaty when he follows Wonwoo over to one of the less densely populated parts of the quad. Still, people stroll past them, a couple bikes go by with that weird bubbly sound bike tires make on the pebbled pathways.</p><p>“I’m just a little confused,” Wonwoo starts. He looks Soonyoung up and down. “Like I know it was our first kiss, but I didn’t realize you still thought about it.” He throws his hands up. “Don’t get me wrong. I liked it. It helped me figure out a lot of things.”</p><p>Soonyoung laughs. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Wonwoo rolls his eyes and sighs. He swings his backpack around to his hip so he can pull something out of the front compartment. “This, Soonyoung. What is this?”</p><p>
  <em> Oh no. </em>
</p><p>Back when they were kids, Wonwoo used to joke around that Soonyoung took a long time to figure something out. Kind of like an egg timer. <em> You get this look on your face like ‘tick tick tick’ and then when you get it, it’s like ‘ding!’ </em> </p><p>Wonwoo can probably see that face on him right now.</p><p>In Wonwoo’s right hand there is a pink envelope with Soonyoung’s handwriting on it. It says Wonwoo Jeon in messy letters and has Wonwoo’s childhood home address in Alameda scrawled underneath. The lines of it are sloppy and crooked, the entire thing is written at a slant. The envelope is torn open.</p><p>“Where did you get that?” Soonyoung says. He tries to snatch it out of Wonwoo’s hand.</p><p>“What do you mean where did I get it?” Wonwoo says, yanking the envelope out of Soonyoung reach. “You sent it to my mom and dad’s house!”</p><p>“Um, no, I most definitely did not!”</p><p>“Soonyoung, we’ve been going to school together for like a decade. I know what your handwriting looks like.” Wonwoo’s eyebrows knit up until they’re practically a unibrow. “Plus there’s some pretty detailed information in here I’m pretty sure only <em> you </em> would know about.”</p><p>Soonyoung thinks he might puke. Not in the way when your jaw gets all achy when you’re sick and you need to actually throw up, more like when your stomach feels like it’s on the spin-cycle of a washing machine and it makes the whole rest of your body feel just as dizzy.</p><p>Oh god. <em> Shit shit shit. </em></p><p>“Soonyoung!” </p><p>He can see Seokmin out of the corner of his eye. He’s still far off on the adjacent pathway on the other side of the grass area, but the green-blue envelope in his hand is pretty unmistakable. Soonyoung doesn’t want to look over and he can’t see Seokmin’s expression, but he can see that Seokmin is definitely coming closer.</p><p><em> Shit shit shit </em> . <em> What the fuck is going on? </em></p><p>One time, when Soonyoung was in First Grade, there were a bunch of kids at the lunch tables talking about who their best friends were. Some of the kids were teasing him about not having one. So, Soonyoung decided to stand up on the table and pull down his pants to show off his Pikachu boxers and say <em> Pikachu is my best friend </em>.</p><p>Later, when he got in trouble for showing his underwear to his entire class, he remembers his teacher telling his parents that <em> Soonyoung just needs to work on his impulse control. Sometimes, I think Soonyoung feels a little overwhelmed and he forgets to think nice and hard about what he wants to do next. </em> </p><p>“Soonyoung?” Wonwoo says expectantly. “Are you listening?”</p><p>Soonyoung doesn’t try to think <em> too </em>much about it.</p><p>He grabs Wonwoo by both of his cheeks and pulls him downwards, just enough to make up for the height difference, and then closes his eyes before he smushes their mouths together.</p><p>At first, Wonwoo makes an indignant noise while he grabs Soonyoung’s hips to keep his balance. They almost fall over, but this new and improved beefed-up version of Wonwoo is surprisingly solid, and surprisingly strong enough to tug Soonyoung into his chest so Soonyoung doesn’t end up pulling them both down. His hands feel enormous on his waist.</p><p>Soonyoung has kissed Wonwoo before. But this is very, very different from the first time.</p><p>Wonwoo isn’t weird and timid like he was when they were sixteen. He kisses Sooonyoung’s bottom lip even though he was completely taken off guard. He even angled his head just right so his forehead didn’t bang right into Soonyoung’s on approach. Which suggests that he kisses people enough now that it’s muscle memory for him, and frankly, he’s pretty good at it. </p><p>Soonyoung’s slides his hands down from Wonwoo’s cheeks to the edge of his his pronounced jaw - <em> when the fuck did that get there? </em>  - and readjusts his lips to fit a little better. He opens his mouth up just a bit and then closes it back down in a pucker on Wonwoo’s. Wonwoo makes a little sound in the back of his throat that Soonyoung can’t really parse.</p><p>They keep kissing. </p><p>It just sort of happens. Soonyoung wraps his arms around Wonwoo’s neck so he can leverage himself onto relevé and Wonwoo crosses his arms across Soonyoung’s lower back to keep them chest to chest. Wonwoo keeps firmly fitting his mouth over Soonyoung’s bottom lip, then the top, over and over while their noses keep bumping. Soonyoung kisses back just as hard, then Wonwoo has to get the one up, and then Soonyoung can’t have that so <em> he </em> has to kiss back just as hard.</p><p>Wonwoo swipes his tongue into Soonyoung’s mouth and Soonyoung very nearly passes out by how hard his stomach lurches. It has him falling back into his body like he’s been astral projecting this entire time.</p><p>He disconnects their mouths with a wet sound and leans back on his heels. Wonwoo keeps his eyes closed for a second more, breathing <em> very </em> hard, before he opens them and looks back at Soonyoung in rapidly building confusion.</p><p>“What the fuck was that?” he says eventually. </p><p>Soonyoung wriggles out of Wonwoo’s arms. “Okay<em> wow </em>it was great catching up with you, Wonwoo. You look great. Have you been working out? Looks like you’ve been working out. Let’s keep in touch, huh? Great um….good seeing you. Don’t be a stranger.”</p><p>And then Soonyoung is just fucking running full sprint into the arts building.</p><p>The only safe place in the building is the sub-basement bathroom where all the music practice rooms are. It’s probably because all the people working in the rooms are Music majors who don’t ever take a break to pee. But also, because all their rooms are sound-proofed and Soonyoung immediately screams at the top of his lungs the second he gets inside a stall.</p><p>
  <em> What. The. Fuck. </em>
</p><p>He’s not even sure how this is happening. When Seungkwan was going through those boxes, he was sure that he’d taken out the letters. Right? He wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave them in there. Right? Like Seungkwan couldn’t possibly have thought they were real things that needed to be put in the mail. <em> Right? RIGHT? </em></p><p>This is bad. Like leave the country and change your name bad. Assume a new identity and live the rest of your life on an alpaca farm in Peru bad. Wonwoo’s letter is embarrassing (God he <em> kissed </em> him, what the hell), but Seokmin’s letter - Seokmin’s letter is going to land like a nuclear bomb.</p><p>If <em> they </em> got letters then that means the others went out, too. The only thing he can hope for is that Junhui doesn’t still live in the same house he did seven years ago. Jihoon...well…</p><p>He hears the bathroom door open and the person who comes inside takes a few steps across the linoleum. He can see their Nike Free’s stop in front of his stall door, then a yellow envelope drops to the ground and gets kicked under the the stall.</p><p>“Care to explain?” Jihoon’s voice comes from the other side.</p><p>“Um,” Soonyoung shifts on the toilet seat and pitches his voice down a few octaves. “Occupied, dude.”</p><p>“I know you’re in there Soonyoung.”</p><p>Soonyoung opens the stall door to see all five foot five of Jihoon Lee poised with judgment. His arms are crossed and his feet are planted on the ground, shoulder width apart. He recently dyed his hair grey and it’s like a little storm cloud around his head all puffed out and frizzy from the damage. </p><p>“Does Chaeyoung know about this?” Jihoon asks. “It’s pretty fucked up that you’re writing me love letters when you’re such good friends with the girl I’m dating.”</p><p>Soonyoung feels all the blood drain from his face. He hadn’t even thought about it. “Oh God, did you tell her?”</p><p>Jihoon narrows his eyes. “No. And depending on the explanation you give me, I was thinking about not telling her at all.”</p><p>That’s a relief. The last thing one of your closest friends needs to know is that you used to have a fantasy about her quasi-boyfriend holding you down and sucking your dick. Also, that you thought he was a musical genius and when he plays music it makes you cry, but almost everyone on campus thinks that about Jihoon, Soonyoung isn’t special.</p><p>Chae, being Chae, probably wouldn’t even confront him about it. But she would most definitely freeze him out and look at him with the same sort of disdain she looks at her ex-girlfriend with, and that’s probably worse.</p><p>“I wrote that letter a really, really long time ago. After freshman orientation,” he says and Jihoon just raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“And you decided to send it to me now <em> because </em>…” Jihoon prompts.</p><p>“I didn’t! I swear to God. That was never, ever supposed to actually get sent in the mail.” Soonyoung points at the floor where the letter is still sitting. “It was just supposed to be a letter that got hidden in a box and that was it.”</p><p>Jihoon puts a hand up. “Let me get this straight. You wrote me a love letter, folded it up, put it in an envelope, wrote my address on it, <em> stamped it </em>, and then never intended it to be sent in the mail to my apartment when my fucking girlfriend was over?” Jihoon sounds a little mad, but in that Jihoon way where he’s not actually angry. That at least makes Soonyoung feel a little bit relieved.</p><p>“It does sound pretty stupid when you say it that way,” he agrees.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s colossally stupid, Soonyoung. Why would you do that?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Soonyoung pust his elbows on his knees and rests his face in his hands. “Whenever I have a crush I just…I have to write all my feelings out and trick my brain into confessing to that person so it’ll go away. I don’t do it all the time. Just the big crushes.”</p><p>“You knew me for a week.”</p><p>“You don’t know how bad my crushes are,” Soonyoung sighs. He looks back up at Jihoon and finds his face softening. </p><p>As much as Jihoon has always been the president and founder of the Soonyoung Kwon Is Out His Fucking Mind Club, he’s also been a decently good friend to him over the past two years. Well, a good friend by Jihoon standards. He’s never once asked Soonyoung to hang out, but when Soonyoung pesters him enough to get dinner, he’ll always offer to pay. Plus, he asks Soonyoung’s opinions on things, and Jihoon wilfully asking for your opinion is how he shows that he values you. </p><p>“You kind of look like you’re going to throw up. Is that why you sprinted in here?” Jihoon asks. </p><p>Soonyoung groans. “No.”</p><p>“Are there more letters, Soonyoung?”</p><p>Soonyoung groans again, louder this time. “Yes.”</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Too bad. You’re skipping Music Theory.”</p><p>“You know my schedule?” Soonyoung perks up. Jihoon makes a grunt of confirmation and then picks up his letter from the ground.</p><p>“I pay attention,” he says. “And for the record, I knew you liked me. You’re not subtle.”</p><p>Soonyoung pulls a face. “Why do people keep telling me that?”</p><p>“Because you aren’t. Get up. We’re going to Bluebird.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>-four years ago-</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Wonwoo’s house in Alameda was kind of like a Thomas Kincade painting. It was an olive green Craftsman with an American flag on the porch and a trimmed green lawn and big tall pines bracketing the sides of the house.</p><p>Soonyoung knew that Wonwoo’s dad was borderline obsessive about his rose bushes. So he always made a point to tell him how great they were looking when he opened the door to let Soonyoung inside. Dr. Jeon had scared the shit out of him since he was eight, but he did always smile about the roses. He spent ten minutes telling Soonyoung all about the varieties they were using on the church sponsored float in the Grand Parade and how his rose bushes looked better than the ones across the street at the Van Hooten’s house. Soonyoung agreed with him: <em> Your rose bushes are the best in the neighborhood, sir. </em></p><p>Wonwoo tried to shove him into one on the way out the front door for being such a kiss ass.</p><p>It was early June, four days before Soonyoung’s seventeenth birthday. </p><p>They took the bus downtown, carnival ride lights twinkling in the distance and from the Steel Bridge the Willamette River looked jam-packed with the Navy ships docked next to the park. They were moored together like little kids who had to hold hands on a field trip so they didn’t get lost and lit up with the most outrageous display of patriotic regalia. Like somebody decorated a handgun with icing and told everyone it was a birthday cake.</p><p>It wasn’t all the time that they got to go off on their own. Wonwoo’s parents had been strict ever since he’d met them, and they were especially strict about Wonwoo going to the westside without them. But Soonyoung’s parents <em> weren’t </em>and with enough convincing from Soonyoung’s mom, Wonwoo’s mom was swayed to let them go to the Starlight Parade on their own this year. Big, cool almost-seventeen year olds who were coming off their first prom and about to go into the Summer before Senior Year.</p><p>The Rose Festival was always Soonyoung’s favorite part of the year because it was always during his birthday and he really, really liked gross fair food. They blew through all their ride tickets in an hour because Soonyoung didn’t pace himself and Wonwoo arguments against it were pretty half-hearted. He even got Wonwoo on The Zipper that year and Wonwoo held his hand the entire time.</p><p>Later, when it was closer to when all the rides would close and all the families with kids were starting to go home, they found a bench beside the river and put an elephant ear between them to share. Soonyoung’s hands were sticky with cinnamon sugar and Wonwoo let him have most of it.</p><p>“Hey, can I ask you something,” Wonwoo said, slipping into Korean the way they do when they want to tell secrets. It wasn’t even cold, but he was in Soonyoung’s sweatshirt anyways and the hood kept falling over his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, of course.”</p><p>“I don’t think April agreed to be my date because she actually likes me. I think she thinks we’re just friends.”</p><p>Soonyoung frowned. It was only a few weeks ago that he watched Wonwoo dance all starry eyed with her in the gym at prom. Soonyoung thought she looked better than everyone else, even if she was shy about it. Her hair was this really cool natural platinum color and she played clarinet better than anyone else in school.</p><p>“Why do you think that?” </p><p>Wonwoo sighed, pushing up his glasses with his knuckles covered by the heather grey sleeves of Soonyoung’s sweatshirt. “I don’t know. We didn’t kiss at prom and I can’t ever see her because my parents won’t let me leave the house.”</p><p>Soonyoung spoke around a mouthful of fried dough. “Just because you kiss somebody doesn’t mean they like you.”</p><p>“Have <em> you </em> kissed somebody?” Wonwoo said. He tore off a piece of the elephant ear and wriggled it in Soonyoung’s face like a threat.</p><p>“No,” Soonyoung swallowed. “You know that.”</p><p>“Well, then how are you supposed to give me advice on what kissing means if you don’t have any experience?”</p><p>Soonyoung shoved another piece in his mouth and then showed Wonwoo once he chewed it up. Wonwoo pretended to gag. “Why don’t you just kiss her?” Soonyoung asked.</p><p>Wonwoo shrugged. He was always like this. A massive overthinker, shy. Soonyoung knew that Wonwoo was probably lying about asking April to prom - she probably asked him, but Soonyoung wasn’t mean enough to bring it up. </p><p>“I’m kind of scared to mess it up,” Wonwoo said quietly. Still <em> definitely </em> overthinking. Soonyoung tried to make a funny face at him to get him to laugh, but even that didn’t work. Wonwoo looked like he was about to hurl himself over the wall into the Willamette and Soonyoung couldn’t have that.</p><p>“I mean, you could kiss me so you can get the first one out the way?” </p><p>Wonwoo snorted, his big ugly laugh coming out instead of his normal quiet one. “Are you being serious?”</p><p>“Why not?” Soonyoung said. </p><p>“Because don’t you want it to mean something? You want <em> everything </em> to mean something.” Wonwoo looked between his eyes and Soonyoung readjusted his legs underneath him on the bench.</p><p>“Well maybe I’m kind of tired of waiting, too,” Soonyoung said indignantly. “Like I don’t want to go into college never having kissed a guy. <em> You </em> want to kiss the girl you like. Let’s just kiss and get it over with. What’s the big deal?”</p><p>Wonwoo studied him for a long time and it’s the first time Soonyoung ever really felt scared about where he stood with his best friend. </p><p>Soonyoung had been out to Wonwoo since they were fifteen and he half-expected Wonwoo to be weird about it. </p><p>Wonwoo’s family was pretty conservative and they’d been sharing a bed off and on since they were eight. But when he told Wonwoo that he liked guys, Wonwoo had just said <em> okay cool </em> and went back to beating the Pokemon boss fight Soonyoung was stuck on. Then, when they went to sleep later, Wonwoo still climbed into Soonyoung’s single bed like it was nothing had changed. And that was that. </p><p>“Okay,” Wonwoo whispered. </p><p>“Oh,” Soonyoung’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“It doesn’t bother you that I’m gay?” </p><p>Wonwoo curled up his lips in that weird little no-teeth-smile he gave when he was being smug. “What? Do you like me Soonyoung?”</p><p>Soonyoung scoffed. “As if.”</p><p>“Then <em> what’s the big deal </em>,” Wonwoo said, doing his best Soonyoung impression. Soonyoung thought it sounded nothing like him, but his mom and dad always laughed when Wonwoo did it.</p><p>“Fine. Come here.”</p><p>Wonwoo scooted closer on the bench and Soonyoung moved the empty elephant ear plate to the other side of him. They sat there, knee to knee, and Soonyoung was trying to look anywhere but Wonwoo’s mouth. He had perpetually chapped lips and a shade of stubble on his chin like he missed a spot when he was shaving. Soonyoung had never really seen him this close up in this context.</p><p>“Ready?” Soonyoung asked. </p><p>He was always the one doing the scary stuff for the both of them. Back when Wonwoo first moved to Portland from Changwon, he barely spoke any English. His first day of school, little third grade Soonyoung had attached himself like a limpet and said, in Korean, <em> Hello, I am Kwon Soonyoung, welcome to America, I have the biggest collection of Zoobooks in this entire school would you like to see them? </em> Wonwoo looked so relieved. </p><p>Somehow it went from Soonyoung translating things for Wonwoo to Soonyoung speaking for Wonwoo a majority of the time. Wonwoo was the brains, Soonyoung was the voice. He was always the one who had to ask Wonwoo’s parents if Wonwoo could spend the night when Wonwoo thought to have a sleepover. He always had to order their food even though Wonwoo had helped Soonyoung pick something to eat. Which was fine, Soonyoung never minded it. That was just how they were.</p><p>But it also meant that Soonyoung had to be the one to lean in first so he could get close to Wonwoo’s mouth. Wonwoo just gave him a short nod and then Soonyoung closed the gap.</p><p>In retrospect, it was the worst kiss Soonyoung ever had. Their mouths were <em> so </em> sticky from the elephant ear and neither of them used their hands <em> at all </em>. Just incredibly stiff and closed-mouthed, laughably awkward.</p><p>At the time, though, Soonyoung had felt like he’d swallowed a firecracker. </p><p>When they leaned away from each other after one total second of contact, Soonyoung looked at Wonwoo differently than he ever had before. Soonyoung’s sweatshirt was swallowing him, and his nose was pink, and his bangs were <em> terrible, </em> and his glasses had tape holding them together on the left side.</p><p>And maybe, Soonyoung was a little bit in love.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Soonyoung wakes up to 15 missed calls and 87 text messages.</p><p>Jihoon had encouraged him to turn off his phone and gather his thoughts. Which he did, but then kind of forgot how to turn it back on. It takes him a google search on his laptop to figure it out, and when he does, his phone nearly shuts off again from the sheer amount of notifications. </p><p>Ten of the missed calls are from Seungkwan, one is from Jeonghan, one is from Wonwoo, and the other is from Seokmin. </p><p>Texts are mostly just a variation of the same sentence from multiple people:</p><p><b>Seungkwan:</b> You did not make out with Wonwoo in front of everyone and also God</p><p><b>Seungkwan: </b>Answer me. </p><p><b>Seungkwan: </b>Why is your phone off?</p><p><b>Seungkwan: </b>Why are you not home?</p><p><b>Seungkwan: </b>HELLO??????</p><p><b>Sana: </b>Um? Wonwoo??</p><p><b>Jihyo: </b>Did you make out with Wonwoo?</p><p><b>Mina: </b>I don’t want to be nosey, but what was that with Wonwoo?</p><p><b>Dahyun:</b> are you guys dating omggggggggggggggggggggggg</p><p>And then...</p><p><b>Seokieeee: </b>We need to talk</p><p>Soonyoung stares at it for a long time, trying to decide what to do. He knows Seokmin has his read receipts on, so he’s going to know Soonyoung saw the message. If he <em> does </em> respond, what would he even say. There’s no way he can face Seokmin one on one right now. If he does say that, Seokmin will be even more upset. If he tries to explain over text, he’s sure he’s not going to get the feeling across.</p><p>He thinks about it while he gets ready for the day. Tuesdays and Thursdays are his easier days. All of his classes are in the afternoon and he doesn’t teach at the studio except one tiny tots class on Thursdays. The only thing he has to do today is get through it. Which is kind of easier said than done, because his phone keeps buzzing with more text notifications.</p><p>He’s about to leave to grab coffee - because he needs the self-care that buying it instead of making it can provide -  but when he opens his front door, he’s met with Wonwoo standing there with his hand lifted to knock.</p><p>“Uh?” Soonyoung says. “Hi?”</p><p>Wonwoo gives him an uncomfortable wave. </p><p>“Why do you know where I live?” Soonyoung frowns.</p><p>“I asked your mom.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“You weren’t answering your texts. Can I come in? We need to talk.”</p><p>He’s already sick of that sentence today and he’s only been awake for thirty minutes.</p><p>Yesterday, he hadn’t really gotten a good look at Wonwoo. It really hits Soonyoung how different he is once he’s standing in the middle of his living/bedroom. Wonwoo has been in his living space a million times, but it was before puberty hit him like a freight train. </p><p>He looks confident, that’s the biggest change, and he wears a lot more black than he used to. He’s dressed head to toe in it; black Vans, black pants, black shirt, black beanie. All those sharp and awkward facial features he had when he was kid are more defined now and where he used to be gangly like a little weasel, he’s bulky and broad - his waist is still thin as ever though. </p><p><em> God </em> , Soonyoung thinks absently. <em> He got really hot. </em></p><p>“Can I offer you something to drink?” Soonyoung says with a flourish, trying to distract himself from staring. “I have tap water and a half a box of Franzia.”</p><p>Wonwoo looks at him with amusement. “Can I uh...sit on your bed?” He motions with his eyes towards the folded down futon. Soonyoung still has his Disney Cars print comforter laid out across it.</p><p>“Sure,” Soonyoung says, rushing to ball up the blankets and move them aside. Wonwoo sits down, eyes still on him, and then pats the futon cushion until Soonyoung takes the hint and sits down too.</p><p>It all feels very <em> have a difficult conversation, let the guy down easy </em> and Soonyoung is begging to be anywhere else right now. Frozen in space, bottom of the ocean. It doesn’t really matter.</p><p>“Look,” Wonwoo says gently. “I just don’t think this is going to work out. I just broke up with Mingyu and I don’t know if <em> that’s </em> why you decided to send the letter, bu-”</p><p>Soonyoung throws up both his hands. “Woah! No. I didn’t send that letter. I wasn’t joking.”</p><p>Wonwoo scowls. “Okay, then why did you kiss me?”</p><p>Soonyoung sighs and looks at the ceiling. “I kissed you to make somebody else leave me alone. And <em> you </em> kissed <em> me </em>back.”</p><p>“What?” Wonwoo clicks his tongue. “You were literally clinging to me. And who exactly were you running away from that <em> kissing a stranger </em> is a better option?”</p><p>“A <em> stranger </em>? You called my mom right now to find out where I live. I know you have a birthmark on your right buttcheek. How are we strangers?”</p><p>“That’s not an answer.”</p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>“Still not an answer,” Wonwoo says, staring at Soonyoung expectantly. “I think you kinda owe me one.”</p><p>It’s a good point. It wasn’t exactly fair of him to kiss Wonwoo in front of so many people after he’d received a love note with no context. And the content, <em> God </em> , Soonyoung poured his little gay teenage heart into that letter. He’d said things like <em> maybe I’ve always loved you </em> and <em> I can’t stop thinking about the way your lips fit against mine </em>. </p><p>“Okay,” Soonyoung sighs. “I wrote you that letter years ago and I didn’t mean for it to go in the mail. It was an accident. I have <em> no </em> feelings for you now. Not in a mean way though. Like I’m sure you’re great. But another person with a letter was coming while you and I were talking and I couldn’t talk to him at that particular moment in time.” </p><p>“Or, like, ever,” Soonyoung adds in a mumble. </p><p>Wonwoo still is fantastic at being unreadable when he wants to be, which is comforting to know that he’s still the same person when it comes to being a brick wall emotionally. Points for consistency. </p><p>“Who is it?” he asks.</p><p>Soonyoung has to close his eyes to say it. “Seokmin Lee.”</p><p>He can hear Wonwoo’s mouth open and close before he ends up peeking an eye open. He cringes at him and Wonwoo is looking at him like he’s absolutely crazy. Which again, consistency.</p><p>“Isn’t Jeonghan Yoon your best friend?” Wonwoo asks, voice dripping with judgement. </p><p>“Yeah.” Soonyoung squeaks out. Wonwoo whistles. “But it’s not what you think, Wonwoo, okay? I wrote that letter to Seokmin like a year and a half ago. We hooked up and <em> then </em> he started dating Jeonghan and <em> now </em> they’re broken up. So like nobody is cheating on anybody. We’re good, we’re fine. No problems.”</p><p>“But do you still like him though?”</p><p>It’s weird to have a conversation with a person who knew you before you’d even lost all your baby teeth. Even two years of drifting apart doesn’t change the fact that Wonwoo has always been able to read Soonyoung like a book. And not in the <em> Soonyoung you’re not subtle </em>way. Wonwoo reads him like he’s skipped a few chapters ahead to read the ending and knows what foreshadowing to look for.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Soonyoung says honestly. “Maybe? I don’t think it actually really matters because Seokmin is never going to love anybody else but Jeonghan.”</p><p>Wonwoo shrugs. “I mean take it from me, that’s not true. But admitting you’re in love with him right after he got broken up with is probably not the best way to go about it.” </p><p>Yeah, <em> Mingyu </em>. They’d been dating for about as long as Seokmin and Joenghan. He admittedly didn’t know very much about the relationship aside from what everyone else told him, but he knows that Wonwoo gets his feelings hurt easily in that broody, Edward Cullen type of way. Or, at least he used to. </p><p>“Sorry, that must be shitty,” Soonyoung says earnestly, grabbing Wonwoo’s forearm so he can give him an encouraging little squeeze. </p><p>“I literally share a bathroom with him, which sucks,” Wonwoo says absently. He looks down at Soonyoung’s hand still resting on his arm and Soonyoung might be able to read the book of Wonwoo still, too. He knows that look. That’s Wonwoo’s <em> I’m thinking </em>face. </p><p>“You know,” Wonwoo says slyly. “Yesterday when Mingyu heard I’d kissed you, he looked so pissed off at Chapter. And before that, he’d been ignoring me for, like, two weeks.”</p><p>“Aha! So you admit you kissed me!”</p><p>“Soonyoung, focus.” Wonwoo says, grabbing both of his wrists. “I’m trying to make a point here.”</p><p>Soonyoung purses his lips. “So you’re happy you made him jealous? Or what?”</p><p>“Or what.”</p><p>“I’m not following.”</p><p>Wonwoo sighs impatiently. “He thought we were dating. Everyone thinks there’s something going on between us.”</p><p>“So what? You want to let Mingyu think we’re dating?” Soonyoung laughs. </p><p>“Well, everyone. Not just Mingyu,” Wonwoo says. Soonyoung goes to argue and Wonwoo claps their hands together in his, kind of the way they used to do when they were kids. It’s disarming. “If  Seokmin thinks you’re dating me maybe he’ll get thrown off, too. Nobody has to know about the letter, we can just pretend we’ve been dating and maybe you can convince Seokmin it was a joke or prank or something later.”</p><p>Soonyoung doesn’t look convinced. “What about the other letters?”</p><p>“There are more than two letters?” Wonwoo gapes. “How many are there?”</p><p>“Um...well there’s Jihoon Lee, but he already knows the truth and promised not to say anything. Then there’s a guy from this dance camp I went to like ten years ago. And then there’s one to Taemin.”</p><p>“Taemin who?”</p><p>“You know, <em> Taemin </em>,” Soonyoung says timidly. </p><p>“Like <em> SHINee </em> Taemin? <em> That </em> Taemin?” Wonwoo asks. He’s already starting to laugh. When Soonyoung nods, he tries to hide that laughter behind his hand. “How did you <em> accidentally </em> put enough postage for a letter to go to Korea? Where did you even send it?”</p><p>Soonyoung pouts. “SM building.”</p><p>Wonwoo doesn’t even bother to hide his laugh then. </p><p>“Do you want me to be your fake boyfriend or not?” Soonyoung says indignantly. </p><p>“Does that mean you’re saying yes?”</p><p>It’s a really stupid idea, but Wonwoo was always the smart one between them. Like, looking back, Soonyoung will be like <em> why the fuck did I listen to him </em>. He’s sure of it. </p><p>But, Soonyoung is desperate to avoid the issue at hand. He’s given it the requisite amount of thought and he knows that if he were to tell Seokmin the truth, it would end their friendship, and then Jeonghan would find out and end their friendship, too. Even though Seokmin isn’t speaking to him and Jeonghan is thousands of miles away, Soonyoung thinks of the friendships being on Pause. Which is hard enough. He can’t imagine what Stop would feel like.</p><p>“Yes,” Soonyoung says. “But we need rules.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Bluebird is the cafe two blocks west of campus in an old brick fish canning factory. There’s two stories worth of tables for dine in service and a counter for to-go orders. Jeonghan used to wait the upstairs tables and on Wednesday nights, when it was slow, Seokmin and Soonyoung would purposely sit in his section. Seokmin would obnoxiously flirt with him and Soonyoung would make weird requests like <em> can you deep fry this little packet of butter? </em> and <em> does the burger come with pickles and does it cost extra to replace the patty with all pickles? </em></p><p>It’s weird without either of them there. Weirder because Wonwoo is sitting across from him running his tongue across his bottom lip as he looks at the menu. He takes off his beanie and his ink black hair is all staticky, Soonyoung reaches out to smooth it down and Wonwoo startles before he decides to let Soonyoung fix it.</p><p>“Is this a date?” Soonyoung asks out of nowhere.</p><p>Wonwoo glances up from his menu for only one second before looking back down at it. “If we are dating then I would assume when we go out to eat together it’s a date.”</p><p>“Does that mean you’re paying?” Soonyoung grins. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Still, when they go to order, Wonwoo tells the waitress to give them one check.</p><p>There are a lot of people from school here like always. It’s still in that awkward middling place between breakfast and lunch, but nearly all the tables are full. When Soonyoung takes a survey of who’s in the restaurant, most of the people sitting there are looking in their direction. Sometimes he wishes he didn’t go to such a small school.</p><p>“So,” Wonwoo says, taking out a notebook from his backpack and setting it out on the table between them. “Rules.” </p><p>“Rules,” Soonyoung echoes. “One, nobody can know this is fake.”</p><p>Wonwoo hesitates with his pen hovering about the lined paper. “Isn’t that kind of a given?”</p><p>“Ever.”</p><p>“Okay,” Wonwoo nods. He puts his tongue between his lips as he writes it out and then says number two aloud as he writes that one down, too. “Two, we make it believable. Holding hands, Instagram, kissing.”</p><p><em> Kissing </em>. Soonyoung hadn’t really thought about that. “Right, but kissing only when Seokmin and Mingyu are around. And no slipping me tongue.”</p><p>Wonwoo looks up at him and quirks an eyebrow. “No slipping you tongue? What are you fifteen?”</p><p>“Write it down as number three and don’t try to make out with me, sicko. Four, you gotta eat lunch with me. Eventually Seokmin will come back to eat with us. You have to be there.” </p><p>The waitress brings Wonwoo his black coffee and Soonyoung his all-frills, over-sweetened iced coffee. Wonwoo thanks her and then lowers his voice back down. “Five, you need to come to the parties at the house. No complaining.”</p><p>Soonyoung hasn’t been to a frat party in his entire college career. The art school kids threw their own and played way better music, but the idea of going to doesn’t seem entirely off-putting. He loves parties. “Okay, but I work on Friday nights until seven. So, I can’t do before like eight.”</p><p>Wonwoo gives him a quizzical look. “I’m sure that I will not be calling you before eight o’clock for a party. And I didn’t know you worked. Where at?”</p><p>“Ah,” Soonyoung claps his hands excitedly. He loves talking about work almost as much as he loves parties. “This little dance studio in The Pearl. I teach the tap/ballet combo classes to the kids under five and then some jazz and hip hop classes to middle schoolers.”</p><p>Wonwoo gives him a little smile. “Cute. All the way downtown though? That sucks.”</p><p>Soonyoung shakes his head. “It’s fine. I have my TriMet card.”</p><p>“You take the bus?” Wonwoo frowns. “I bet that takes forever.”</p><p>He’s right. It does take forever. It’s actually the MAX and two buses, but Wonwoo doesn’t need the play by play. “It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>Wonwoo considers it and then reads his next line out loud. “Six, I drive you to and from work.”</p><p>Soonyoung gets tripped up for a second. “You don’t have to do that.” </p><p>“I’d do it for my boyfriend,” Wonwoo says simply. “And you are my boyfriend. Are there performances?”</p><p>“Um…” Soonyoung tries to find his brain that’s currently speeding off in Wonwoo’s car. “Not the kids usually. Just two recitals a year. Me, on the other hand...I have a show towards the end of the quarter and some small stuff in between.”</p><p>“Okay then. Seven, I go to all your performances.”</p><p>He’s pretty sure that’s what a boyfriend would do. Like if Soonyoung had a boyfriend, he’d expect him to be supportive like that. God, what if Wonwoo brings him flowers. That’s another thing boyfriends do at shows. Soonyoung isn’t very good at keeping flowers alive.</p><p>“Do you have anything?” Soonyoung asks. He realizes that the sentence comes out a little weird, so he tries to clarify after a sip of his coffee. “Like something I should support you with.”</p><p>“You could be my pocket Mercy,” Wonwoo says with the corner of his lip lifting into a smile. </p><p>“Huh? You want to put me in your pocket?” </p><p>Wonwoo curls up his nose with his smile. “It was a joke, Soonyoung. Like Overwatch? Support?”</p><p>“Oh,” Soonyoung says brightly. “Is that a video game?” </p><p>Wonwoo keeps smiling. “Yes.”</p><p>If that’s one thing he remembers about Wonwoo, it’s the way he likes gaming. Soonyoung has never been historically <em> good </em> at them aside from being savant-level good at the drums on Rockband, but from what he remembers, Wonwoo says  that doesn’t count.</p><p>Still, if it’s something Wonwoo likes to do, boyfriends are supportive. Even when they were kids, he’d sit in Wonwoo’s bedroom and watch him play. Theoretically, the step up from that would be actually trying. If Wonwoo is the same Wonwoo he used to be, getting to share an activity like that would be something important to him.</p><p>“Okay, eight, I learn how to play Overwatch so I can be your pocket Mercy.” <em> Whatever that is. </em></p><p>Wonwoo doesn’t seem convinced, but Soonyoung will swear on his life that he saw Wonwoo’s eyes sparkle. Soonyoung is the best fake boyfriend. Take that Mingyu Kim.</p><p>The waitress comes with their food and Soonyoung digs into his banana pancakes. Wonwoo spends an absurd amount of time dumping Cholula on his hashbrowns. They look almost radioactive after he’s satisfied with the amount of hot sauce. “There’s this other thing,” he says worriedly. “The last few years this Alumni from our chapter has let us use his cabin up near Mt. Hood. Mingyu is definitely gonna be there.”</p><p>“Okay,” Soonyoung says through a mouthful. “That’s fine. When is it?”</p><p>“The weekend before Thanksgiving.” </p><p>Soonyoung’s swallows. “Do you really think we’ll be doing this that long?”</p><p>Wonwoo shrugs noncommittally and he writes it down on the list of rules.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi there, back with more chapters! I'm so grateful for all the comments and positive feedback I've gotten. So thank you!</p><p>Also! I have now updated the predicted chapter count. So as you can see, with these new chapters we are officially at the halfway point. Woo!</p><p>There is a playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jBHRyZfu5FUoBmzimiJ6T?si=2YW9ZdfjRTGM-g6EaqLjMQ">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Soonyoung is taking off his ballet shoes after his Wednesday morning Partnering class when Seungkwan comes barreling into the room. Momo hadn’t said anything to him about Wonwoo during class - she’s always focused when it comes to dance - but once she hears Seungkwan coming, she’s perking up with interest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung Kwon you either better be dead or in a coma,” he shouts, and then bones in like a Soonyoung-seeking missile, phone in his hand. “What is this? You don’t text me back for two days, but you’re posting on Instagram?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Wonwoo’s idea. To make it believable. They snapped a couple selfies right outside Bluebird yesterday. Wonwoo got the one where Soonyoung is kissing him on the cheek (w0nuu: Breakfast). Soonyoung got the one where they’re making silly faces (Soonie96: I ate so many banana pancakes I almost puked on him ❤️). Wonwoo said his caption was gross, but laughed at it anyways.</span>
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  <span>Momo comes around to look at both of the Instagram posts on Seungkwan’s phone. “Let me see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My phone died and then Wonwoo came over,” Soonyoung says half-heartedly from where he’s sitting on the floor. “And then I got distracted. You know I can’t multitask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>dating</span>
  </em>
  <span> him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is a real test. Soonyoung isn’t a very good liar. He sucks up courage in a big heaping gulp of air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Momo looks quietly shocked, Seungkwan looks like he’s going into a nuclear meltdown. “What?” he asks. “Since when?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Soonyoung rubs his neck. “Since yesterday when we made it official.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked you last week if you liked anyone and you said no.” Seungkwan looks hurt. He doesn’t like to be out of the loop, but most of all when it concerns people he cares about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t he just break up with Mingyu Kim?” Momo asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Crap.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhhhh, yeah. It moved kinda fast. Super fast. We used to be best friends, right? And then we hooked up after he broke up and it just...kinda happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan is still frowning. “But I don’t get why you couldn’t tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung knows he should probably be mad at Seungkwan. If it wasn’t for Seungkwan’s need to meddle, he would have unpacked those boxes himself. It’s Seungkwan’s fault any of this is even happening in the first place. Seungkwan has to be the one who sent the letters, and it is definitely the reason Soonyoung’s entire life is crumbling around him, but when Seungkwan looks sad like this, he can’t find it in him to be mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung stands up quickly. “Oh, hey. Seungkwan, it was like top secret. Like Area 51 level secret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can keep a secret,” Seungkwan says quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sighs and gives him a quick hug. “I know you can. But now you know! Everyone knows. Yay!” He gives them both little jazz hands as a hurray.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you guys are cute together,” Momo says with a smile. “I like Wonwoo. He’s always pretty quiet, but he’s really nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan looks less on board with the idea. Which is expected. They don’t interact much with the students in the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences. Or the frat guys. Or the STEM majors (with the exception of Jeonghan). Wonwoo’s only saving grace is that he has an English minor and Seungkwan is getting way more into Shakespeare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s gonna eat lunch with us,” Soonyoung offers. He pats Seungkwan’s cheek. “I bet you guys are going to have a bunch to talk about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo has always been a little quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Okay, a lot quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not even quiet, because he’s afraid to talk. It’s quiet in this way where he actually considers what he wants to say to new people before he speaks to them - which, Soonyoung cannot relate to in the slightest. Wonwoo </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>The Girls, but not in this context, and when Seungkwan is thrown in with them, it’s hard to get a word in edgewise. Even for Soonyoung, who will gladly yell over Seungkwan and Nayeon when they get on a roll with one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re all crammed into one the lounge areas in the main part of the Arts building. Nayeon, Momo, and Dahyun are practically in one another’s laps, while Seungkwan, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon are in their own chairs they’ve pulled over. Wonwoo is sitting next to Soonyoung on the carpeted floor, hands behind him, propping himself up, while Soonyoung sits crossed legged with his cafeteria salad cradled in his lap like a baby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying,” Nayeon clears her throat. “If Professor Kline was going to stage Spring Awakening next quarter, the competition would be tough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As if it wouldn’t be for Guys and Dolls?” Seungkwan fires back. “I’m just saying that if we did Spring Awakening, we have the talent. It’s far more relatable for the student body.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s only a few girl parts though,” Jeongyeon frowns. “At least with Guys and Dolls there’s a chorus. Why can’t he pick something that’s more balanced?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like Hello Dolly,” Jihyo adds. “I think we should do Dolly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan shrugs. “I think Seokmin and I could make a good Barnaby and Cornelius. But I also think that Seokmin </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> Melchior Gabor so...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This would normally be the part where Seokmin would turn and blush into Soonyoung’s shoulder. He’d get all giggly the way he does when he gets compliments and Soonyoung would say something like </span>
  <em>
    <span>they’re right, you’re the most talented person ever, remember to thank me in your Tony acceptance speech</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The Seokmin would say </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll look right at the camera and say I owe it all to my friend Soonyoung Kwon who always believed in me and always distracted me from my homework</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Seokmin would smile all big and toothy and ruffle Soonyoung’s hair. Then they’d go back to sharing whatever lunch Seokmin brought that he never intended to share in the first place, but never, ever complained about Soonyoung stealing bites from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except, now it’s Wonwoo next to him, who is looking between the conversation the way people disinterestedly follow the ball in tennis matches. He doesn't know anything about musicals - aside from when they watched High School Musical when they were in middle school and made Wonwoo learn the dance to All In This Together - and he looks slightly disoriented by the conversation, with nothing to really contribute. After a while, he gives up altogether, pulling open a thick and challenging looking novel, and Soonyoung notices that Seungkwan notices. The look he gives Wonwoo is less than impressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you cool?” Soonyoung whispers in Wonwoo’s ear. He puts the top back on his salad and sets the plastic container to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo seems surprised that he’s even asking. “Yes, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else is talking over one another and Soonyoung is grateful they aren’t paying the two of them any attention. “I just don’t want you to feel left out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would it matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a good question. This is all fake. It shouldn’t really matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Soonyoung can even formulate a response, he notices Seokmin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in the quad, he hadn’t even made eye contact with him, but now he most definitely is. And Seokmin is probably the worst he’s ever looked. The smile that’s normally plastered on his face isn’t there, his undereyes look all bruised and puffy, and he’s holding onto Mina’s hand like a vice. Which is sweet, Mina is so sweet to him. Soonyoung is glad that they’re together underneath all the nausea-inducing fear he’s currently feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asks, concerned. He’s looking right at Soonyoung, but Soonyoung is looking at Seokmin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seokmin,” he mutters under his breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Over th- </span>
  <em>
    <span>mmph</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t give him a lot of warning before he kisses him. One second he’s in this stand-off, watching Seokmin’s face slowly twisting up with hurt and confusion, the next second Wonwoo is grabbing his chin and pressing their lips together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grabs onto Wonwoo’s thigh for some stability, gripping it when Wonwoo breathes against his mouth. Wonwoo slides his hand down the side of his neck and kisses him again. His lips are dry and he tastes like the coffee he was drinking earlier, but Soonyoung kisses back because he’s keeping up appearances.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boo,” Dahyun yells. “Get a room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo separates their mouths and Soonyoung opens his eyes to see Wonwoo’s apologetic half smile before he turns away and looks down at his book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh what? I’m not allowed to kiss my boyfriend in public?” Soonyoung yells as a diversion. He makes it extra theatrical for the others, and maybe a little bit for himself. He feels a weird cocktail of feelings right now that ends up making him feel panicky and awful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if you’re going to be gross about it,” Dahyun laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, c’mon,” Momo sighs dreamily. “It’s cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin glances over his shoulder one more time before he finally leaves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung is standing outside the studio at 9 P.M. and Wonwoo is pulling up to the curb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drive to the dance studio had been pretty quiet. Soonyoung had some reading he needed to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>attempt</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Wonwoo didn’t say much after Soonyoung’s initial shock that he now drives a brand new Jeep Wrangler instead of his parents’ Subaru like he did when they were in high school. Soonyoung had thanked him when he got out and Wonwoo said he’d be back by nine, and that was that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good evening Jeeves,” Soonyoung says as he opens the door and throws his bag in the back before climbing up and into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeeves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grins. “Yeah it’s a chauffeur name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not your chauffeur, Soonyoung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t knoooow. Kinda seems like you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus you’re so sweaty,” Wonwoo says in horror. “I’m so glad I have leather interior.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung rubs his bare thighs on the chair as he puts on his seatbelt. “It makes it extra slidey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew, Soonyoung,” Wonwoo snaps. “I’m not going to drive you anywhere if you’re gonna leave slug trails in my car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grins at him. “It’s in the rules. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> offered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess,” Wonwoo mumbles. He checks his mirrors before he pulls away from the curb and onto the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The city is pretty dead on weekday nights. There’s a few people walking to their cars after finishing up dinner, all the lights in the glass highrise apartments are glowing above them. Wonwoo keeps the music in his car at a low volume, like he always used to as a teenager, because he says it helps him </span>
  <em>
    <span>focus on driving better</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He’s playing some low-fi hip hop that’s a little depressing but like, in a cool way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Wonwoo says, once he hits a stoplight. “Here, since you didn’t get to eat dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reaches around to behind his seat to pick up a thick recyclable plastic bag and deposits it in Soonyoung’s lap. Soonyoung opens the bag to find a tupperware clouded up with steamy condensation, and inside, a hefty portion of white rice and chicken breast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made me dinner?” Soonyoung marvels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s leftovers,” Wonwoo replies flatly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung digs in with the little plastic fork and takes a bite too big for his mouth. He shoves all the food into his cheeks so he can talk, glancing at Wonwoo. “But you made enough for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>leftovers</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soonyoung. Not a marriage proposal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, obviously not, but the only other person who cooked for him was Seokmin and every single time Seokmin cooked, it only dug the metaphorical grave Soonyoung had made for himself deeper and deeper. He thinks about it; Seokmin in his apartment kitchen, smiling over a pot with his mom’s recipes and the ingredients from the H Mart on Belmont. He’d always given Soonyoung this creepy smile while he watched him take the first bite and would always, always ask </span>
  <em>
    <span>is it okay?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even though the answer was always, always </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes you’re the best cook ever don’t tell my mom I said that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he says as he chews. “It’s just really nice though. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it,” Wonwoo says. He pauses for a considering moment. “How was uh….how was class?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Soonyoung perks up. He loves talking about the kids. “Today we were working on shuffles and flaps in tap class and I think they’re really catching on. There’s this little girl named Maggie who turns five in January and she’s my favorite. I’m not supposed to have favorites, but she’s so funny. She just gives every movement like one-hundred-and-ten percent and ends up looking </span>
  <em>
    <span>crazy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but her heart is in the right place.” He takes another bite, talking around his mouthful. “Anyways, today when we did our butterflies she told me she wanted to fly to her house so she could show me her, and I quote, </span>
  <em>
    <span>bug collection</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like ew, but also, I’m kind of interested in what she’s got going so far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hums thoughtfully. Soonyoung takes it as a sign to keep going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then my middle schoolers. They’re pretty tough to teach sometimes, because they start getting self-esteem problems around that age since some of them are hitting puberty and some aren’t. Like puberty changes your body so much right, but it happens with dance, too. So anyways, the jazz class I had with them today, one of the girls finally got her triple pirouette back and I legitimately almost cried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like you care a lot,” Wonwoo says. Soonyoung smiles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he says. “Kids are cool. I like teaching.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car is quiet for a bit, and Soonyoung feels that uncomfortable otherness associated with the fact that he talks way too much for his own good. Wonwoo doesn’t say anything for a very long time, Soonyoung doesn’t say anything because even though Wonwoo </span>
  <em>
    <span>used to</span>
  </em>
  <span> not mind it when he rambled, he has to remind himself he doesn’t really know </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This Wonwoo doesn’t slouch as much as the old version did. He sits up straight and has a </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> deeper voice and has this jawline like </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow where did this jawline come from</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He looks like an adult. And the last time he’d really seen Wonwoo, he was a kid. An adult on paper, but not anywhere else. Like he </span>
  <em>
    <span>cooks</span>
  </em>
  <span> now. That’s wild.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo turns to him suddenly and gives him a strange look. “Why are you staring at me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung freezes up like a cat held over water, back curved up. “Sorry I was zoning out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t look convinced. They’re getting closer to Soonyoung’s street. The drive home is nearly fifty minutes shorter than the commute on TriMet. Which thank god, because Soonyoung has to finish the discussion topic for Music Appreciation and the jury is still out on whether he can afford to drop the class altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pull up in the loading zone outside of Soonyoung’s little red brick apartment building. Soonyoung makes a rush of eating the last few bites of food, but then Wonwoo is turning to him like he’s about to start speaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So about the kiss today,” Wonwoo exhales. “Was that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The kiss? Yeah,” Soonyoung shrugs. “I mean maybe next time don’t sneak attack me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo curls up his nose and looks out the front window. “It looked like it worked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung nods slowly. It worked really, really well. It makes Soonyoung feel like absolute shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swallows his last bite and closes the container before depositing it on the center console. “Maybe we should come up with a signal? Like if one of us sees Seok or Mingyu we do something to tip the other off to really amp up the </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay and in love</span>
  </em>
  <span> stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gay and in love,” Wonwoo repeats. He looks at Soonyoung from the top of his head to his thighs on the seat. “Okay. I mean. That’s not a bad idea. What do you suggest?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm...maybe we can tap each other on the arm two times.” Soonyoung demonstrates on the arm Wonwoo has closest to him. He raps his fingers against his bicep two times in quick succession and Wonwoo’s eyes track the movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about just two taps anywhere?” Wonwoo says. “And </span>
  <em>
    <span>subtle</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Don’t do it like you just did it now.” Soonyoung pouts and Wonwoo sighs. “Like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reaches to grab Soonyoung’s arm off his lap and uses his forefinger to tap the inner part of Soonyoung’s wrist before letting his arm drop back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool,” Soonyoung smiles. “It’s like we’re spies. This is spy stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you say, dude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grabs his bag from the back and gives Wonwoo a little wave. “Thanks for dinner. See you tomorrow, Jeeves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not your chauffeur!” Wonwoo yells through the closed car door.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is a playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jBHRyZfu5FUoBmzimiJ6T?si=2YW9ZdfjRTGM-g6EaqLjMQ">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not all that difficult to fake date somebody. It’s actually really, really easy.</p><p>Soonyoung hasn’t ever been in a relationship before. Part of that <em> did </em> have a little bit to do with the fact that he’s been in love with the same person for an entire year, but <em> before </em> that he couldn’t really visualize himself committing to a single person.</p><p>It’s not really the romantic part of it. He likes being around people, he feels better with a person than he does alone. But it’s more the messier parts that make him feel like he couldn’t really handle the pressure. Like having to always let somebody know where you’re at or being obligated to prioritize them. </p><p>These things aren’t something he’s opposed to. He’s just not very good at them. He’s really, really bad at texting people back sometimes and he’s constantly double booking himself and he’s always so busy. Even remembering to tell Jeonghan when he’d be home was a constant point of contention. Maybe it just takes too much brain power.</p><p>But with Wonwoo, these things don’t really factor in. Wonwoo doesn’t want or need any attention from him outside their acting exercise. When he can, he comes to eat lunch with Soonyoung, drives him around town, <em> sometimes </em> brings him dinner, and that’s that. Nothing else, nothing more (aside from some sporadic kisses). Easy peasy lemon squeezy. He’s good at fake dating somebody. He could probably make a career out of it.</p><p>Additional things, like tonight, get negotiated. Wonwoo had texted him at ten in the morning on Saturday with:</p><p><b>Wonwoo: </b>Party at the house tonight. Can you make it?</p><p><b>Soonyoung: </b>Yeah what time?</p><p><b>Wonwoo: </b>I don’t know. Come by for pregame at 9?</p><p>So now he’s standing in front of his closet at seven p.m. texting Nayeon about what he’s supposed to wear to a frat party. She asks for pictures and Soonyoung sends them. And when FaceTime rings, he just assumes that it’s her asking him to put them on.</p><p>It startles the shit of him to see Jeonghan’s face pop up.</p><p>“Why are you screening me, Soonyoung?” he says once Soonyoung’s video starts up. </p><p>Soonyoung freezes, one boot in hand, and it immediately drops to the floor with a thud. “I’m not.”</p><p>“Why do you even bother trying to lie to me,” Jeonghan scowls. “You haven’t answered any of my texts or calls for a week. What’s going on? Are you hiding something?”</p><p>“No I’m not.”</p><p>“You are.”</p><p><em> Shit shit shit </em>. He hasn’t picked up the phone because while he assumes that Seokmin wouldn’t possibly have reached out to Jeonghan to tell him about Soonyoung’s love confession, it could potentially be something that happened. He feels like Wylie Coyote hovering over the wrong side of a cliff, looking down and waving at the screen before he plummets to his inevitable and messy death.</p><p>“I cannot believe that you have a boyfriend and you didn’t tell me,” Jeonghan pouts. “Why am I finding out from <em> Sana </em> ? When it comes to the hierarchy of your friendship she’s at least third tier, I’m tier <em> one </em> . And then. <em> And then </em> . I go onto Instagram for the first time in weeks and I see that your boyfriend is <em> Wonwoo fucking Jeon </em>? What the hell is going on Soonyoung?”</p><p>There’s a couple more pictures on his Instagram feed, some selfies here and there to keep up appearances. It’s pretty stupid for him to have assumed Jeonghan <em> wouldn’t </em> find out. But it is a big relief that he's talking about this rather than the alternative of talking about Seokmin.</p><p>“Yeah,” Soonyoung smiles sheepishly. “We’re...together.”</p><p>“What?” Jeonghan bellows. “I go away for a couple weeks and now you’re not telling me things? Like you’re now in a committed relationship with your shitty ex-best friend. Since when?”</p><p>“It hasn’t been that long! Just a few weeks. It happened really fast.” </p><p>“Is he treating you good?” Jeonghan pauses. “Wait...wasn’t he dating Mingyu Kim?”</p><p>“Well...not anymore. And it’s good. We’re good. I’m going to a party at his house soon.” </p><p>Jeonghan softens a little. “Oh, Soonie. You really like him, huh?” </p><p>Soonyoung’s not sure what expression he’s making that leads Jeonghan to believe the utter bullshit he’s shoveling, but maybe he should switch to Acting rather than Dance as a major. He worries at his lips with his teeth, laying it on extra thick. “Yeah...yeah I do. He’s great. I think it’s um...it’s pretty serious.”</p><p>“Oh <em> my little Soonie </em>growing up and having his first big boy relationship,” Jeonghan coos. “And if he doesn’t treat you well I will murder him in cold blood.” Jeonghan says it very seriously and Soonyoung knows that it’s meant to be a threat. Jeonghan would kill him and he’d get away with it, too. He’s gotten out of every speeding ticket he’s ever had.</p><p>“Do you think you could help me?” Soonyoung picks up one of his black leather chelsea boots off the floor. “You’ve been to that house. What the hell do I wear?”</p><p>Jeonghan smirks. “Have you had sex yet?”</p><p>Soonyoung blushes so hard he thinks he might pop. The very idea of it makes his stomach turn over. He should definitely eat something before he leaves.</p><p>“So that’s a no,” Jeonghan chuckles. “Okay, that narrows down my options. Do you still have that sheer black button up we bought last year?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The house itself is a big 1960’s split-level with grey siding and big giant Greek letters nailed to the facade. He’s walked by the place a dozen times to see The Girls in their pearl-white house a couple houses over. The entirety of Greek row is small compared to larger schools, but always busy with students he never shares any classes with.</p><p>Wonwoo is waiting on the front stoop when Soonyoung walks up. It’s drizzling a little, and the days are getting shorter, so all Soonyoung can see on the approach is Wonwoo’s glasses reflecting the light of his phone screen.</p><p>“Hi,” Soonyoung smiles as he walks up the front steps. </p><p>Wonwoo offers him a little smile. “Thanks for coming...Mingyu has been gone all day. He’s not here yet.”</p><p>“Contractual obligation.” Soonyoung says simply. “Also I love parties.”</p><p>Wonwoo snorts. “Big words for you, Soonyoung. Come on.”</p><p>Soonyoung kind of expected something like the frat house from Neighbors or like Animal House or something. It looks suspiciously like any other house aside from having a little bit too many pieces of furniture to accommodate all the people and bulletin boards on the walls with things like chore charts and the flyers you’d typically see in the student union. There’s a hum of people talking on the upper level, but Wonwoo leads him downstairs to a door he has to unlock.</p><p>“Here, you can put your coat in here,” Wonwoo says as he opens the door to his bedroom.</p><p>“You have your own room?” Soonyoung says in awe. It’s outrageously small and a little bit cave-like, but it smells like boy cologne and has a bunch of posters of famous art pieces all over the white walls. There’s an unmade twin bed that looks even smaller compared to the insane desk set-up with two monitors and a violet-glowing see-through computer tower. In the very corner, there’s a bookshelf packed full with books, some of which Soonyoung recognizes from Wonwoo’s room at his parents’ house.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m on executive board,” Wonwoo says simply. He stands in the door frame and looks weirdly uncomfortable at the fact Soonyoung is looking around his bedroom. As if Soonyoung hasn’t been in his bedroom at his parents’ house literally one thousand times.</p><p>“What position?” Soonyoung asks. He shrugs off his coat, sets it on the bed, and looks down to double check that the sheer shirt is still stylishly french-tucked - Jeonghan’s words - into his black, ripped up skinny jeans. When he looks up, Wonwoo is staring at him with wide eyes.</p><p>“Secretary,” he says tightly. </p><p>“Oh fuck,” Soonyougn cringes, following Wonwoo’s eyes to his chest. “Is this too much? I knew it. It’s way too much.”</p><p>“No,” Wonwoo clears his throat and repeats himself for clarity. “No. It’s fine. I just…”</p><p>“You don't have to lie, like, my nipples are out. Jeonghan told me this would be good. I didn’t have any idea what to wear.” Soonyoung covers the nipples in question with both of his hands.</p><p>“It’s <em> fine </em>,” Wonwoo says. He grabs both of Soonyoung’s wrists. “Please don’t grab your nipples like that, it makes it worse.”</p><p>Soonyoung doesn’t feel that <em> fine </em> about it, but it gets a little better once they make it into the basement. It’s mostly unfinished aside from the drywall and the wall separating one room from a much larger room with a crowd around a table already playing flip cup. He’s not super sure what qualifies for a fraternity pregame, but there are already forty or more people here, including most of The Girls - who are <em> way </em> more overdressed than he is, <em> thank god </em>.</p><p>Sana shrieks at the top of her lungs once she sees Soonyoung come down the stairs. They all come at him in waves, greeting him - including their newest member Tzuyu who is the youngest, but ironically, the tallest. They somewhat ignore Wonwoo’s hand attached to his while they hug him with all the strength of twenty-ish-year-old girls who have been doing shots of Burnett’s. </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re here,” Jihyo says, bringing up the rear. “Jeesh look at you, hot stuff.” She’s clearly the least drunk out of everyone and Soonyoung isn’t sure if that has something to do with her being Chapter President or because Nayeon keeps sneaking sips from the straw in the cup Jihyo is holding.</p><p>“I know,” Soonyoung laughs. “Crazy right.” He cups her cheek and then Nayeon’s. “You guys look so pretty. Wow.”</p><p>Nayeon smiles with her cheesiest, big-toothed grin that you only see when she’s not making a conscious effort to hide it. She takes notice of Wonwoo like she’s locking onto a target and then jabs him in the shoulder with her finger. “Hey Jeon, how’s it feel to be dating the hottest guy in school?”</p><p>Soonyoung squeezes Wonwoo’s hand apologetically and Wonwoo looks surprisingly timid. “Feels good?” he tries. </p><p>Nayeon narrows her eyes and then reaches her final judgment. “Right answer.”</p><p>This part of the party isn’t really different from the Art Kid Parties Soonyoung has been attending for the last two years. They stand around a foldable table sagging from the weight of the alcohol bottles. Soonyoung takes shots and loudly talks over the conversations around him. He and Dahyun tag-team retelling stories that belong to other people and Soonyoung takes down vodka from plastic handles without a chaser.</p><p>The only difference is that now, Wonwoo is standing beside him looking incredibly disgusted at Soonyoung’s ability to shoot bottom shelf vodka. On the other side of that coin though, Soonyoung isn’t really understanding how the hell Wonwoo is drinking IPAs without gagging. Beer is fine, IPAs taste fruit rinds and day old coffee.</p><p>Over the next hour Soonyoung is approached by several guys he recognizes as being Fraternity brothers, but has never spoken to. In particular, this doe eyed junior and a senior with dimples, both of which he’s seen Jeonghan talking to a few times, make a point to introduce themselves - which, is a relief because Soonyoung knows Jeonghan has told him their names, but he’s bad with names. Wonwoo explains later that Seungcheol Choi is the President (also, Wonwoo’s big. Cute.) and Joshua Hong is the Vice President.</p><p>“You can call me Josh though,” Joshua says. He has this little cat smirk that reminds Soonyoung of Jeonghan in the most harrowing way possible. They’re both looking Soonyoung up and down like this is a test. And well, it probably <em> is </em> a test.</p><p>“Literally nobody calls him that,” Seungcheol says. Joshua Hong does not seem to like that explanation, but Seungcheol ignores it to give Soonyoung a friendly smile. “Surprised we haven’t met before, Jeonghan has told us a lot about you.”</p><p>“And of course <em> Wonwoo </em> has told us a lot about you too,” Joshua Hong adds. </p><p>Soonyoung looks up at Wonwoo and preens. “Oh yeah? Has he?” he jokes. </p><p>“Of course,” Wonwoo says seriously. “You’re my boyfriend.” He takes another big swig of his IPA and Soonyoung snaps his mouth shut, not expecting the answer.</p><p>The newest brother is Hansol, the kid from the Art school. He does one of those crazy handshake/half-hug/back slap things to Soonyoung and tells him he’s a good dancer. They chat a little bit about the classes Hansol will have to take and which professors to steer clear of until somebody bodily drags Soonyoung away from the conversation and from Wonwoo.</p><p>“Jihoon?” Soonyoung asks excitedly. “Wow you’re actually at a party. Wait. Where are we going?”</p><p>He gets tugged all the way off from the party to the top floor to the kitchen. Which is miraculously clean for a house full of boys under twenty-two. Soonyoung could stand to take some notes.</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing?” Jihoon whispers. Below them the party is loud, music thudding against the floor.</p><p>“Uhhh…” </p><p>“Did I miss something? Did you not just tell me a few days ago that you were in love with Seokmin? Why are you dating Wonwoo?”</p><p>Soonyoung probably should have seen this conversation coming and, honestly, it feels a little relieving to have somebody who knows the truth. Jihoon is absolutely going to judge his decisions - Jihoon judges his decisions when he buys coffee, it’s their dynamic - but at least there’s <em> somebody </em> he can talk to about it. Soonyoung feels a little more exhausted by the act than he’s letting on.</p><p>“Jihoon, it’s not real,” Soonyoung rushes to say. “Please don’t say anything. Please.”</p><p>“What?” Jihoon glowers. “Why are you faking it?”</p><p>“Because,” Soonyoung sighs. “Wonwoo is trying to make Mingyu jealous, I need a reason to avoid Seokmin thinking I meant what I said in that note. It’s just fake until we can figure out what we need to do about both of them. That’s it.”</p><p>“What. The fuck. Soonyoung.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” he promises.</p><p>“You haven’t talked to Seokmin at all?”</p><p>“No!” <em> Of course not </em>. Soonyoung frowns. “I told you. I don’t know what I can possibly say to him to make him believe that I didn’t mean what I said.”</p><p>Jihoon shakes his head. “Soonyoung, you <em> did </em> mean what you said.”</p><p>Soonyoung snaps his fingers. “Exactly. Which is why I can’t talk to him.”</p><p>“The fact that you think that <em> either </em> of you think this is a good idea…” Jihoon grumbles. “Jesus maybe you should be together.”</p><p>“Jihoon,” Soonyoung smiles. “Jihooooonie. It’s fine. We’re fine. After a few weeks, we’ll break up and we’ll be fine.”</p><p>Chaeyoung comes up beside Jihoon and kisses him on the cheek. The stress in Jihoon’s compact shoulders dissipates, but he still looks upset. His eyebrows are all knotted up and he’s giving Soonyoung this reproachful stare that makes Soonyoung feel two inches tall. Chaeyoung looks confused between them. “Hey Soonie. Are you guys okay?”</p><p>“Totally!” Soonyoung says brightly. “We’re good. Right, Jihoon?”</p><p>Jihoon sighs, narrowing his eyes. “Yep.”</p><p>Chaeyoung doesn’t look convinced at all, but she smiles anyway and leans into Jihoon’s shoulder. Wonwoo comes into the kitchen next and Jihoon glares at him like he’s personally offended by his presence. Wonwoo studies all three of them, hesitates on Jihoon’s face, and then settles on Soonyoung.</p><p>“Hey,” Wonwoo says curiously. “Are you okay? We’re about to start beer pong downstairs.”</p><p>“We’re great!” Soonyoung bites his lip. “Do you want me to be your partner?”</p><p>Chaeyoung cackles. “Oh good luck Wonwoo.”</p><p>“Why?” Wonwoo starts to smile.</p><p>“I’m maybe,” Soonyoung pauses. “Not admittedly the best at beer pong.”</p><p>Soonyoung isn’t joking when he says he’s bad. They’re up against Joshua Hong and Jihyo and Soonyoung has overshot every single ping-pong ball he’s thrown. Luckily Wonwoo is better - probably a frat thing - and they’re only down by one cup. Even though Joshua Hong has made up at least seven new rules throughout the course of the game. </p><p>It’s all going as fine as it can possibly go. The party is good, Soonyoung is decently tipsy, it’s nice to hang out with old friends and make new ones. And Wonwoo doesn’t seem super frustrated that Soonyoung is heinously bad at drinking games and Soonyoung is only getting a <em> little </em> mouthy for somebody who can’t make a cup. It’s fine. It’s fun. </p><p>And then Mingyu walks in.</p><p>Soonyoung has obviously seen Mingyu Kim around campus. Mostly, because he’s extremely hard to ignore. He’s at least eight feet tall and looks like he stepped off a runway and when he smiles his teeth are white and proportionate and really nice. Soonyoung had prepared himself for this moment - drunk or not - so he curls into Wonwoo’s side and puffs out his chest while Mingyu walks into the big room in the basement to the sound of Seungcheol cheering at his arrival.</p><p>But then, all of the air in Soonyoung’s lungs gets punched out of him in one go. Like a sucker punch. Hard.</p><p>Minghao Xu is there, right behind Mingyu, giggling at something he’s saying until he makes eye contact with Soonyoung and every once of joy in his face drains in a millisecond. Soonyoung mutters a curse under his breath and Wonwoo’s arm tightens around him.</p><p>Soonyoung and Minghao haven’t spoken in months. In the Summer, he went back to his hometown and this quarter, they don’t have any classes together. It’s surprising how little he’s seen of him in the past weeks with him being a Fine Art major and Dance minor and also the two-year long standing roommate of none other than Seokmin Lee.</p><p>Which explains the way he’s looking at Soonyoung with the most impassible, expressionless stare he can muster. It’s not like him to not be smiling, or at the very least, to not look at Soonyoung like he can’t even spare a thought for him. And all at once, Soonyoung feels the whirling of the alcohol in his stomach, because Minghao is a variable Soonyoung hadn’t considered. He could know about the letter to Seokmin. Seokmin tells him <em> everything </em>.</p><p>Mingyu and Minghao stare at Wonwoo and Soonyoung for a moment before Mingyu leads them towards Seungcheol. Soonyoung just pulls Wonwoo back into the smaller room with all the alcohol.</p><p>Wonwoo isn’t giving him much to go off of. He’s just kind of looking distantly at the floor, eyes unfocused.  He props himself against one of the folding tables and squeezes Wonwoo’s forearm. He feels <em> shockingly </em> sober considering all the Basically Rubbing Alcohol vodka he’s had.</p><p>“Are they dating?” Soonyoung hisses.</p><p>“I - I don’t know.”</p><p>“You know who that is right?” Soonyoung feels a little unhinged.</p><p>Wonwoo nods. But <em> clearly </em> he doesn’t seem to get it. This could make this whole thing fall apart. Minghao could tell everyone that Soonyoung wrote a love letter to Seokmin. He could easily say it. <em> You know I think it’s weird Soonyoung and Wonwoo are dating because Soonyoung wrote my roommate and close friend this letter where he admitted he wanted to marry him.  </em></p><p>“I’m freaking out,” Soonyoung shakes Wonwoo’s arm. “Do you think he knows? What are we supposed to do?”</p><p>Wonwoo still doesn’t open his mouth.</p><p>“Are you okay, Wonwoo?” he whispers. There’s a loud cheer from the other room. Wonwoo snaps his eyes up to Soongyoung and then shrugs. </p><p>Soonyoung can see how rosy Wonwoo’s cheeks are, how much the crease between his eyebrows is starting to look Grand-Canyon-big. He looks like he’s trying to make himself smaller, receding in on himself in a way Soonyoung recognizes.</p><p>“Hey, maybe they’re just friends,” Soonyoung tries. The panic in his belly simmers down like taking a lid off a boiling pot.</p><p>Wonwoo stays quiet for a moment, pulling long sleeves down under his hands. Eventually, he sighs. “I don’t think it matters. He’s not gonna get back with me anyways.”</p><p>Obviously, he knew Wonwoo’s heart had been broken. He sees the little pieces Wonwoo leaves laying around. They’re not good enough friends anymore for Soonyoung to point out that when Wonwoo hears Mingyu’s name he looks like he’s in pain, or that when Soonyoung checked Wonwoo’s Instagram all the old pictures of him and Mingyu are still there. He notices those things though. Wonwoo really loved him - <em> loves </em> him.</p><p>“You don’t know that. He’s gotta miss you, too,” Soonyoung urges gently. “They’re probably just hanging out.”</p><p>“He doesn’t. We talked…” Wonwoo sighs. “When we broke up it wasn’t a fight or anything. Mingyu just thinks we make better friends. He doesn’t hate me. He just doesn’t love me.” He pushes his glasses up his nose with one of his sleeve-covered hands. “I should have been a better boyfriend.”</p><p>“Well <em> I’ve </em> been fake-in-love with you for two weeks. You’re a good fake-boyfriend. You take such good fake-care of me.”</p><p>Wonwoo gives a half smile and then snorts. “Is this your version of a pep talk?”</p><p>“I’m trying, dude, give me a break,” Soonyoung whines. </p><p>Wonwoo smiles for real this time, like he’s forgotten he’s supposed to be depressed. Soonyoung smiles back at him and then Woonwoo rolls his eyes.</p><p>Over Wonwoo’s shoulder, Soonyoung can hear Minghao and Mingyu at one of the tables, pouring themselves some drinks. Minghao’s light, pretty laugh cuts through the air like a knife, almost as sharp as the look he gives Soonyoung when they make eye contact again. Mingyu follows Minghao’s line of sight and makes eye contact with Soonyoung, too.</p><p>Soonyoung quickly double taps Wonwoo’s thigh. </p><p>The tapping thing was <em> supposed </em> to take the surprise out of Wonwoo kissing him. </p><p>It doesn’t.</p><p>Wonwoo puts his hands on the table on either side of Soonyoung’s hips, leans in, and doesn’t even give Soonyoung a chance to take a solid breath before he pushes their lips together. With the angle, Soonyoung has to crane his neck upwards and Wonwoo is curved over him, pushing Soonyoung back at a slant over a bunch of empty Coors Light cans and discarded bottle caps. </p><p>Soonyoung holds tightly to Wonwoo’s hips and the table digs into this butt at this horribly uncomfortable angle, but Wonwoo is kissing in a completely different way than what Soonyoung has experienced over the last several days of little pecks. Even differently from that first day where they kissed in the quad.</p><p>Wonwoo is kissing him in a way Soonyoung really, <em> really </em> likes. A little forceful, like he’s trying to prove a point, mouth warm and insistent as he pushes himself against Soonyoung’s legs. He’s so <em> big </em>. He’s always been taller, but now he feels huge compared to Soonyoung. It’s the type of thing he wants. Bigger guys that make him feel small.</p><p>For a second, Soonyoung forgets its Wonwoo at all. </p><p>He wraps his arms around Wonwoo’s neck and spreads his legs so Wonwoo can get closer. Which Wonwoo does, fitting himself between Soonyoung’s legs and moving his hands from the tabletop to Soonyoung’s sides. He grips them slightly, digging in his fingers with only that sheer fabric separating their skin, and Soonyoung yanks Wonwoo closer to lick against the seam of his mouth.</p><p>Wonwoo groans, deep in his chest, vibration rattling against Soonyoung’s mouth. Then he pulls away. </p><p>“Fuck,” Wonwoo whispers hoarsely. “Sorry.”</p><p>Soonyoung opens his eyes and Wonwoo is looking back at him with a worried pull in the corners of his mouth. Mingyu and Minghao aren’t in the room anymore, but Wonwoo is still holding onto his sides. </p><p>“I’m drunk,” Wonwoo admits.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Soonyoung says quietly. “I think it worked,” he adds for good measure. </p><p>“Yeah,” Wonwoo agrees. He takes a polite step away from Soonyoung, dropping his arms at his sides. His hair is all messed up in the back, Soonyoung didn’t even realize he’d gripped it at any point.</p><p>“Let’s um...back to the party?” Soonyoung asks, trying to dispel the worry in Wonwoo’s eyes with the most gigantic effort on his own part. “We can do this, right? Fake it ‘til you make it.” Soonyoung offers him an unopened can of Coors Light from the table for good measure. It’s only half-cold, but it’s the thought that counts.</p><p>Wonwoo still seems tense, but he takes the beer and looks at Soonyoung with a soft, grateful smile. “Fake ‘til you make it,” he agrees.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jeonghan will never admit if the sheer shirt suggestion was a set up or not. But my guess is that he had good intentions.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bit of a shorter chapter this time!! But I promise I make up for it with the next one!!</p><p>There is a playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jBHRyZfu5FUoBmzimiJ6T?si=2YW9ZdfjRTGM-g6EaqLjMQ">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Mina told me she can barely even get him out of bed. Minghao was so grateful she came over. Between the two of them they finally got him to submit some classwork he’s behind on,” Nayeon says over the phone. Soonyoung can hear her feet hitting the treadmill, the whir of the machine in the background.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung holds the phone receiver to his ear in the absurdly long line at the to-go counter at Bluebird. Joshua is working - </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s where he recognized him from</span>
  </em>
  <span> - and he waves at Soonyoung as soon as he spots him. “He’s behind on school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she says solemnly. “He’s a mess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thinks about Wonwoo at the party the other night. It was like watching him build walls in real time, sealing himself in like that one crazy story about wine he had to read his Freshman year of high school. Soonyoung is pretty sure he’s been in love, but he’s never </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>had his heart broken before. Unrequited love sure, but heartbreak looks like a special kind of painful he won’t be able to understand without experience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Mina mention anything? About me?” he asks carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been days and the sky hasn’t fallen yet. Maybe Minghao doesn’t know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung glances at his phone as it vibrates on his cheek. “Hey Nayeon, I gotta go. Wonwoo is calling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooooo,” she croons. “Tell him to respond to my text please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to forget! Soonie, do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung cackles as he clicks over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Wonwoo, why are you calling me? Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo is quiet in the receiver for a second and then laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh is it weird to call you?” Wonwoo says meekly. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Soonyoung blurts out. “No it’s uh...it’s fine. I just figured something had to be wrong. Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” It’s only 9 A.M., Wonwoo should be in his Thursday gen-ed Biology lab for another hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It got cancelled,” Wonwoo says. There’s a sound of him shuffling around on the other side of the phone. “And since you don’t have class until 2 I was wondering if you wanted to come over and learn how to play Overwatch. New season starts next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Soonyoung says. He wasn’t expecting that Wonwoo was ever going to follow through on that one considering they really don’t spend time together unless they absolutely have to. “Yeah sure,” he adds quickly. “I’ll be there soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Portland in the fall is always his favorite time of the year. As much as he loves the summer and the heat - which there isn’t nearly enough of - the leaves turning colors is pretty and magical. Some years they aren’t so lucky and the months of cloud cover will start really early, but this year, it’s still sunny and high-fifties as it dwindles into late October. Everything is oranges and golds. He sidesteps the slick, packed piles of leaves on the sidewalk so he doesn’t eat shit and spill the two cups of coffee in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hansol lets him in at the door and the house during the day is respectably quiet and homey without all the chaos of a party. They chat for a second about one of the music professors before Soonyoung makes it down the stairs to where Wonwoo’s room is and knocks as best as he can without sloshing hot coffee on his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo opens the door in grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt that looks at least two sizes too big. He also looks </span>
  <em>
    <span>beat</span>
  </em>
  <span> tired and like he just rolled out of bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning sleepyhead,” Soonyoung brightens. “Brought you coffee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s smile takes over his whole face. “Oh jesus christ, thank you. I haven’t had a chance to pick up a new bag.” He takes the proffered cup like Soonyoung is handing him the Holy Grail and steps aside so Soonyoung can come in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in the daytime, Wonwoo’s room is dim. There’s big heavy blackout curtains blocking the sun and the overhead light is turned off in favor of a desk lamp and the glow from his two computer screens. He’s playing some of his music from a speaker and the ambiance is extremely cozy. Soonyoung could take a note, his studio apartment still feels like he’s sleeping at a stranger’s house sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo pats the extremely complicated desk chair and grins. “Can’t believe you’re agreeing to do this of your own free will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Soonyoung narrows his eyes as he sits. “You haven’t talked to me in two years. I could have gotten really good at gaming. You don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs - the big, ugly one - and then stands at Soonyoung’s side to control the mouse. “I know you’re lying. There’s no possible way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung turns his head to look at the side of Wonwoo’s face. He scoffs in fake offense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo says without looking at him. “I tried to teach you how to play Stardew Valley when you were eighteen and you got so frustrated that you cried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay that is not fair, there is way too much going on in that game. It’s way harder than real farming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not a farmer. Your mom and dad have a vegetable garden and two chickens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three chickens now, thank you very much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve literally never seen you use a computer successfully.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you just ask me to come here so you could make fun of me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo chuckles. “No. I swear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The basic explanation is easy for Soonyoung to understand. Two teams, six players each, each team has three classes with two players in each one. Wonwoo plays DPS Reaper - which soonyoung assumes stands for Double Pistol Shooter based on the double wielding spooky bird ghost man character Wonwoo points out. The character Soonyoung has agreed to learn how to play is dressed like a witch and shoots healing beams out of a broomstick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll start you off with an easy bot team,” Wonwoo says, coming to stand behind him. He shows him the right buttons to push to move around and shoot her little beams. Soonyoung walks into a wall and attaches his healing beam to a pink robot thing who shoots a big gorilla to death. She shouts </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gamsa!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh are they Korean?” Soonyoung says excitedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hums. “Just D.Va is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s cool.” Soonyoung bites down on the tip of his tongue as somebody picks him off. “Dammit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me help,” Wonwoo says. He positions himself around the back of the chair and puts his hands over Soonyoung’s, one on the mouse and one on the keyboard. As Soonyoung revives, he guides him out of the homebase to the battlefield, pressing down on his fingers to hit the right keys. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is hard,” Soonyoung grumbles. Wonwoo uses Soonyoung’s right pointer finger to shoot healing onto a fast little samurai and then this blue beam onto him when he ‘ults’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s easier than you think,” Wonwoo says. His mouth is close enough to Soonyoung’s ear that it tickles when he exhales. He speaks low, like he’s concentrating, and guides Soonyoung through the map to move this cart along to a marketplace that looks like it’s set in Mexico. “When you’re playing with me you only need to focus on me. I’ll call out when you need to switch from the yellow to the blue beam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung turns his head to look at Wonwoo’s face - which is so close he’s sort of out of focus. “What if I mess up and you die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hit Q over me and you’ll bring me back to life,” Wonwoo smiles with one corner of his mouth. “But that shouldn’t happen. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh okay Mr. Pro-Gamer,” Soonyoung giggles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonoo tips his head away to look Soonyoung in the eye. Their noses brush and it makes Soonyoung feel like he’s going to sneeze. “Are you paying attention or not, Soonyoung?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Goodness he’s really close</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Yeah I’m listening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then look at the screen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It ends up not being </span>
  <em>
    <span>as</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad as Soonyoung thought it would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo lets Soonyoung play on the pc while he plays on his laptop sitting on the bed. He’s quiet and barks out little directives, but doesn’t get </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> annoyed when Soonyoung fucks up and lets him die. It’s actually nice in a way. Sharing something with somebody. Even if he’s not very good at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan would always have to work morning shifts at Bluebird on the weekends so that meant Boys Days where he and Seokmin would play Yu-Gi-Oh at the kitchen table for hours. They’d do all the voices, make themselves laugh, sometimes they’d bet for who would buy lunch even though Soonyoung would always end up paying in the end just to see Seokmin smile. He misses days like that; playing Yu-Gi-Oh, watching random episodes of Naruto all tangled up on the couch, not changing out of their pajamas and ignoring all their homework.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, when they’re on this map in Japan, their team wins. Wonwoo jumps out of the bed with a shout and Soonyoung spins himself around in the chair until he gets dizzy and almost pukes. He reels when he stands up and then Wonwoo hugs him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told you I got better,” Soonyoung says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Proved me wrong I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His Thursday night classes are pretty short compared to the longer classes for the middle schoolers. Toddlers don’t have long attention spans so their class is only forty minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are only five kids in this class compared to his Monday night one with ten. These five are a little bit more unpredictable. Little bug collector Maggie is enrolled in this class, for one thing, and the other four feed off her energy like tiny little sponges with shiny tap shoes on their feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung watches the kids file into class one by one, their parents holding their hands tight until they reach the two big glass doors that lead into the smallest studio in the building. The whole space is painted aquamarine blue with hand lettered inspirational quotes in random places on the walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s watching the last kid excitedly tap her way into the room, curly ponytail bouncing up and down and topped with a big yellow bow, when he looks out into the parent’s viewing area to see Wonwoo cross-legged on one of the chairs in the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hadn’t mentioned anything about staying, but he seems prepared. His backpack is at his feet and the same massive novel he’s been reading for weeks is on his lap. One of his hands absently spins a pen and he’s rolling a highlighter between his lips as he pours all of his attention on the book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Teacher!” One of the girls - a five year old named Angie - clings to his leg and swings all her body weight around on him. “My tooth is loose, do you wanna see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes his mind off Wonwoo. “Um, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah </span>
  </em>
  <span>I wanna see. Are you kidding?” he squats down to her level and shouts in fake surprise when she wriggles her front tooth around. “Wow! Want me to pull it out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeals at the top of her lungs and Soonyoung starts the class with five little girls screaming bloody murder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets a little bit of control back, but by minute thirty-five, when they’re sitting in their butterflies, he starts to lose the plot again. Maggie talks about going to the moon because her brother told her it was a big hard-boiled egg, which becomes a topic of passionate debate, and one of the other little girls, Kayla, won’t stop clicking her little tap shoes together even after Soonyoung tells them </span>
  <em>
    <span>quiet feet</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the twentieth time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he decides to call it early, he looks towards the parents with an apology, only to find that Wonwoo doesn’t even have his book out anymore. He’s sitting his elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, watching Soonyoung with a dorky smile that makes Soonyoung blush for some inexplicable reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you were gonna stay?” he says as he walks over to Wonwoo. His tap shoes click on the linoleum and Wonwoo’s eyes flick down like he’s surprised by the noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he shrugs in response. “I mean it’s only forty minutes so what’s the point of me driving all the way home just to turn around and come back.” He motions at the book discarded on the top of his backpack. “I was gonna get some homework done, but tap classes are...um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loud?’ Soonyoung offers with a laugh. Wonwoo nods wearily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s this?” Maggie peers up from next to Wonwoo, eyeing him carefully like she’s sizing him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung shares a look with her mom that looks like the mom is begging him for forgiveness. He waves it off. “Maggie, this is my friend, Wonwoo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo offers her a hand, which Maggie takes, shaking it firmly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she says, putting on a serious voice. Wonwoo tries to hide his laughter by sucking his lips between his teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard about your bug collection, Maggie. How is it going?” Wonwoo asks. Soonyoung’s cheeks hurt from smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffs dramatically. “I have some specimens, but it needs work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mom ushers her away with the promise of dinner waiting at home and a whispered </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span> at both of them. Soonyoung watches Wonwoo give her a little wave as she goes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin always talked about how jealous he was that Soonyoung got to work with kids like this. He was the first to volunteer for the day camps the Art school puts on for a few weeks every summer. A few months ago, Soonyoung had a small, but very intense crisis watching Seokmin teach an improv class for twenty elementary schoolers. And at the end of every day of camp Seokmin would come into the apartment with boundless energy, talking about the funny scenes the kids came up with and how they were better to work with than his own classmates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan would get this sappy look on his face that Soonyoung could commiserate with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was really bad of him to have these daydreams about him and Seokmin. Sometimes he’d get scared to have them just in case he found out Jeonghan could read minds or something. But sometimes, it’d creep in on him. Ten years down the road and both settled into their careers. They did </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> for work and lived </span>
  <em>
    <span>somewhere</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soonyoung was more focused on the imagined narrative of Seokmin cooking dinner for a little kid that was theirs, kissing him hello after a long work day, looking so big and broad when he held their kid in his arms…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Soonyoung says, shaking his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?” Wonwoo knits up his eyebrows in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The...um...kids. They’re a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sits down in one of the chairs so he can switch his tap shoes with the Vans in his bag. Wonwoo sits down next to him so he can pack up his backpack and get out his car keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Wonwoo adds. “She’s kind of like you were as a kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who? Maggie?” Soonyoung laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She’s strange, but in a fun way. And she’s smart. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Specimens</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Jeesh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung puts his fingers to his lips in over-dramatic surprise. “You think I’m smart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said as </span>
  <em>
    <span>a kid</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he clarifies. “I do not know what happened to you as an adult.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo shoves at Soonyoung’s knee as Soonyoung tries to zip up his bag. It feels a little bit like the old days, when they would rip on each other and play fight. Except now when Wonwoo pushes him, he’s definitely the stronger one as opposed to when they were twelve and Soonyoung could snap Wonwoo like a toothpick if he wanted to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and I were in the same classes our entire lives.” Soonyoung clicks his tongue, pointing at Wonwoo. “And don’t forget, I’m the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> reason you passed American History.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, when I was ten and had only been in the United States for two years. That doesn’t count.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just don’t want to let me have one thing over you, huh?” Soonyoung says, squinting at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d hate to upset our dynamic,” Wonwoo smiles, spinning his key ring around his pointer finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fake boyfriends let the fake loves of their lives win sometimes,” Soonyoung warns. He stands up, slings his bag over his shoulder, and playfully kicks the leg of the chair Wonwoo is sitting on. “Jeonghan already threatened to kill you if you didn’t treat me right. So you better shape up, Wonwoo Jeon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks up at him and grins. “Maybe next time you should put it in the rules.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay last update for a little bit. We're officially halfway through! Wow!!! And also by little bit I do mean not long. Just taking a few days to finish up other fest stuff and enjoy the holidays. I promise to be back soon!</p><p>Also, if there are errors here, I did beta this myself. I'm so sorry!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One thing Soonyoung has always loved the most about college is how it completely reshapes you as a person. Your horizons are broadened, you shed your childish perceptions on the world, you grow and develop in a sink or swim environment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Also, it is the period in your life that Halloween gets to be one of the most exciting holidays of the year again. And Soonyoung loves costumes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Last year, for Halloween, it was right around the time that Seokmin and Jeonghan started dating. They’d all gone to a party at some house these Senior Music students rented. He and Seokmin did karaoke and Soonyoung lost his voice. Seokmin gave him a piggyback ride all the entire walk back home even though they were both </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> too drunk. But Soonyoung’s new shoes had given him blisters and Seokmin demanded that he get on his back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want you to be in pain. It’s okay, Soonie. Come on, hop up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Wonwoo have spent the whole Saturday late-afternoon at The Girls house. It’s nice. Wonwoo starts to feel more comfortable talking and seeing him joking with his friends makes him feel all warm and happy. Sana spends an hour putting hot curlers in Wonwoo’s hair and Soonyoung has Mina draw little rat whiskers on his cheeks with eyeliner. It surprised the shit out of Soonyoung that he was so willing to do a couples costume, but he figures it has more to do with him wanting to make Mingyu jealous and less about him being a big fan of the movie Ratatouille. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He does think the idea is funny though. Linguini and Remy. It’s just the right amount of dumb that everyone keeps laughing at them as they put on their costumes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, more people show up to the house, including Chaeyoung and Jihoon - the former dressed as the most beautiful mermaid Soonyoung has ever seen and the latter wearing one of those funny little red crab hats because </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m supposed to be Sebastian and I’m taking it off the second I start mixing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The most surprising addition to the night is Seungkwan, who is wearing all sleek black clothes, a choker, and cat ears and says </span>
  <em>
    <span>if I’m stepping into a house full of boys, I’m going to make a statement</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They take a big group shot in the living room after taking a couple shots of Fireball The Girls are most definitely not allowed to have in the Sorority House. Soonyoung tipsily tugs up his grey coverall pants and climbs onto Wonwoo’s shoulders. He delicately pinches his hair in his fingers like he’s controlling his hands, Wonwoo moves his wrists up until they’re limp and dangling in front of him like a zombie. Mina holds onto her pirate hat so she can beat the self-timer and when the camera goes off they all scream at the flash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The vibe at Wonwoo’s house is significantly more intense than the last party. There are people spilling out onto the lawn dressed in costumes and when they open the door, the house is already packed full of almost every student who lives on campus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bigger, darker room in the basement is an all out dancefloor now, sparkling with multicolored lights and Hansol acting as the DJ. They’re standing in the smaller room, Sana pouring them all a hazardous looking mixture of birthday cake flavored vodka and orange Fanta. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you drinking this, too?” Soonyoung asks, handing a cup to Wonwoo. He takes a sip from his own and it tastes </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> like an orange creamsicle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Wonwoo says plainly. He’s already swaying a little on his feet, licking his lips and taking a big gulp from the cup. He sets it down on the table to roll the sleeves of his chef shirt up to his elbows. “Why do you sound so surprised?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cause you hate liquor,” Soonyoung giggles around the rim of his cup. “Being a frat boy changed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A frat boy,” Wonwoo raises an eyebrow. “Is that all I am to you now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung pokes him in the chest, just to watch him bob back and forth like a weeble-wobble. “Frat boy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo smirks as he looks away to shake his head. “Are you drunk </span>
  <em>
    <span>already</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soonie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo shrugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s dance!” Momo says excitedly, grabbing onto Soonyoung’s hand vice tight. The Tinkerbell wings she was wearing for pictures are gone now. “Wonwoo, can I steal your boyfriend? I promise I’ll bring him back.” She offers Wonwoo her pinky finger and Wonwoo laughs and wraps his around hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a special kind of feeling you get when you’re dancing with a little bit of alcohol in your system. Soonyoung’s legs feel loose and tingly and downing that last massive cup of Fanta and vodka was probably a mistake. But in the meantime, he doesn’t think about it. He follows Momo out to the circle of their friends all moving along to a remix of a Wondergirls song Seungkwan no doubt coerced Hansol into playing. Seungkwan is dancing with Sana, Jihoon with Chaeyoung, Dahyun with Seungcheol, and Nayeon with Mina. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Momo have been dancing together for two years, so they know each other’s bodies pretty well. All the normal clubb-y grind-y dancing their doing is spiced up. Sana whoops in their ears and people make a little bit more room for them to work in. Soonyoung gets into it, showing off his best moves, both of them being handsy and over-the-top for the performance of it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Jihoon’s turn DJing comes up and Soonyoung has to pee since his bladder is the size of a peanut. He ends up finding Wonwoo on his way back, talking to Joshua and a few other guys he doesn’t recognize over the table with the alcohol. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Soonyoung says. He takes a second to pour himself another one of those creamsicle things mostly to quench his thirst. But there’s so much alcohol when he sips it that he sticks out his tongue and makes a grossed out </span>
  <em>
    <span>yack</span>
  </em>
  <span> noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Wonwoo says amusedly. He walks away from the conversation to stand closer to Soonyoung and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god is his shirt unbuttoned now, he looks kinda sexy. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“All your whiskers are gone. Did you rub them off? And where did your mouse ears go?” Wonwoo pokes the tip of his nose to demonstrate where the eyeliner rat nose used to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grins and ignores the questions. “Do you wanna dance with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure if you want me to do what you were just doing with Momo,” Wonwoo scrunches his nose. “I’m going to disappoint you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you watching me?” Soonyoung takes another pull from his cup, expecting the alcohol this time, but it doesn’t do much to stop him from pulling a face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was keeping an eye on you,” Wonwoo shrugs. His cheeks are all pink and rosy from the alcohol and the humidity of sweaty drunk people in an unventilated basement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you suuuuure you weren’t checking me out?” Soonyoung smirks. “I know I can be very hard to deny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo sticks his tongue into the side of his cheek. “Do you want to dance or not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung powers through the last half of his cup by trying to down the rest of it without it touching his tongue. It’s mostly successful if you don’t count what spills out the corners of his mouth. Wonwoo watches him as he finishes what’s left of his own cup. It smells like crappy light beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grabs his hand and leads him to where most of the girls are still dancing with Seungkwan and Seungcheol. Jihoon DJing means an entirely different vibe of songs. He looks focused with one big headphone on one ear, clicking at his laptop with Chaeyoung dancing next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo stares at Soonyoung uneasily once they get out to the floor. It’s probably because their entire life he’s been one of the most awkward looking dancers who has ever walked on the planet. Although, the last time Soonyoung has seen Wonwoo dance it was at Senior prom, but Soonyoung definitely remembers the helpless little looks he kept shooting Soonyoung from over his date’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung grins at him. He spins around, reaches behind himself to grab Wonwoo’s hands, and places them on his hips. He catches the beat of the song, turns over his shoulder to look at Wonwoo, then starts to move his hips from side to side without letting their bodies lose too much contact in the process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo holds him up against the solid wall of his chest, pressing his body against the resistance of Soonyoung’s, moving their hips in tandem. The difference in their height means that Wonwoo has to bend to meet the swell of Soonyoung’s ass, chin dipping down in the process so his breathing keeps tickling the shell of Soonyoung’s ear. He smells like fake sugar and carbonated-bread-tasting beer and a little bit like the cologne that Soonyoung could smell in his bedroom, and somehow, that toxic combination isn’t as bad as it should be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They move into a song that’s a little slower and Soonyoung sets the pace. He reaches up behind his head so he can grab hold of the back of Wonwoo’s neck with one hand, use that leverage to arch his back and press his ass against Wonwoo front. He’s completely aware that they’re being watched, and they’re supposed to just be pretending, but Soonyoung loves this. He loves the way dancing like this makes him feel sexy. It could be Seungkwan behind him and he’d still be dancing like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo, though, manages to be a little different than Seungkwan or Momo or anyone else. Wonwoo exhales against his ear when he feels Soonyoung grind against him, dirty and slow. His hands travel up to Soonyoung’s waist from his hips, squeezing him tight before the left hand comes to hold onto tight to his chest. Wonwoo uses that leverage to press back, equality dirty and slow, and Soonyoung’s head feels suddenly too light for the rest of his body. </span>
</p><p><span>They’re drunk. Soonyoung is </span><em><span>definitely</span></em><span> drunk. Wonwoo’s arms feel weighted and possessive, his body makes Soonyoung feel small, and </span><em><span>god</span></em> <em><span>he’s a good dancer what the fuck? When did this happen?</span></em></p><p>
  <span>It feels good. This natural flow and the two of them responding to one another in tandem. Wonwoo pushing forwards and Soonyoung pushing back, the way he can feel Wonwoo’s dick through his pants and it doesn’t make him feel as uncomfortable as the little tiny sober voice in Soonyoung’s head is telling him that it should.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Wonwoo says as another song reaches it’s drop. He taps Soonyoung’s hip twice - the signal. “Turn your head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t give him much of a choice. The hand that’s on his chest comes up to cup Soonyoung’s jaw, thumb pushing his chin up. Woonwoo curves his body around him so he can reach Soonyoung’s mouth. And then he kisses him, mouth slightly parted, more insistent than he’s been in any kiss he’s initiated in their month long fake relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung doesn’t see Mingyu. To be honest, he hadn’t really been paying attention to anything at all because his dumb drunk brain makes him forget that there’s anything aside from what’s a foot in front of his face. And what’s a foot in front of his face currently is Wonwoo Jeon, kissing the living fucking daylights out of him in front of all his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand is still on Wonwoo’s neck, and his ass is still definitely in Wonwoo’s crotch, and everything about that is the reason Soonyoung decides to to kiss Wonwoo back as dirty as they’ve been dancing for the last several songs. He pulls Wonwoo closer by the back of his neck, parts his lips like an invitation than Wonwoo takes without a second of hesitation. Soonyoung sighs at the feeling of Wonwoo’s tongue against the back of his teeth, thanks him for it by licking into his mouth too, over his tongue, sucking a little on his bottom lip as they pull apart to breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need some air,” Wonwoo says against his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung opens his eyes and Wonwoo’s are squinted shut. He’s aware that they’re not really dancing anymore. He’s also not sure where Mingyu is. But he does grab Wonwoo’s sweaty hand and leads him away from the dance floor to the sound of Jihyo whistling as they part the crowd around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lower floor of the split-level is immediately easier to breathe in. It’s less less noisy since it’s mostly bedrooms. Soonyoung turns to Wonwoo on the landing, ears ringing a little from the music - he’s not really sure how the cops or campus police haven’t been called yet. Wonwoo is still panting from the dancing, a small sheen of sweat pools up between his collarbones and Soonyoung’s eyes get trapped in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go outside?” he asks Wonwoo clavicles before he looks into his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Wonwoo is just...staring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He only realizes Wonwoo and his hands are still clasped together when Wonwoo shakes his free. He moves that hand up to Soonyoung’s shoulder and he gently pushes him backwards until Soonyoung’s back hits the wall. Wonwoo looks between his eyes for a second and Soonyoung is a little stunned, but he knows what’s coming next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lifts his chin up just enough so that when Wonwoo kisses him this time, he doesn’t have to crouch down so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a little slower than on the dancefloor and at a much better angle. Soonyoung puts his hands on Wonwoo’s teeny-tiny waist and goes straight licking against his lips for permission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo yanks his head back and laughs, dopey and drunk. “What about the rules? No slipping you tongue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhhhhh.” Soonyoung grabs Wonwoo by the partially opened flap of his chef’s shirt and pulls him back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They giggle against each others mouth, woozy and uneven, and Wonwoo does exactly what he agreed not to do over breakfast three weeks ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, dude, your room is, like, four feet away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung opens his eyes to Seungcheol, wearing Dahyun’s bunny ears, and half jogging up the stairs behind Wonwoo. He shoves at Wonwoo’s shoulder as he passes by and then laughs. Dahyun is behind him with Jeongyeon, both laughing, too, and all three of them head up to the top most floor without a second glance. Wonwoo ducks his head against Soonyoung’s neck and laughs against his skin in a way that makes him break out all over with goosebumps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not like Soonyoung has hooked up with </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of people. There aren’t a lot of people on campus to hook up with to begin with. So he’s had little one night stands here and there. There were two Juniors that he hooked up with his Freshman year, some kisses that didn’t lead anywhere - like the one Seungkwan and him had agreed never to discuss again - and then some that </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> lead somewhere. None of them meant anything, the last time a hook up turned serious, it had been Seokmin. The rest were casual. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is fun. This is casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung has the front of his coveralls unzipped before Wonwoo has even locked his bedroom door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo comes to kiss him in the middle of the room, hands on both of his cheeks and guiding him upwards to hold him still. It’s remarkably different kissing Wonwoo in private. He’s more intense, a little overwhelming. All of their kisses have been public - every single one, even the very first when they were both sixteen. Now Soonyoung knows there’s a difference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is crazy information to have. In private, Wonwoo kisses open-mouthed and slow-building, like he’s trying to coax Soonyoung into giving up to him. Soonyoung can only scramble at his chest for a second, trying his best to keep up with Wonwoo’s tongue sliding against his, struck completely dumb by the way Wonwoo is such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> kisser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wriggles his hands between them until his hand finds the buttons on Wonwoo’s Alfredo Linguini costume chef shirt and he curses at every God that may or may not exist for there being so many fucking buttons on it. Wonwoo keeps laughing through his nose every time Soonyoung makes a frustrated sound and then finally takes pity on him enough to step backwards and work at the buttons himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And fuck, it’s probably mistake for Soonyoung to see Wonwoo like this. His curly hair is all wild and his lips are shiny and swollen. When he undoes the buttons he’s smirking, not really looking at what he’s doing with his hands, and scrunching up his nose when Soonyoung’s jaw falls off his skull and clatters on the floor once he sees what Wonwoo looks like without a shirt on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh what the fuck?” Soonyoung whispers. “When did you do all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last time he saw Wonwoo without a shirt on was probably the summer after high school. Maybe one of the times they’d taken Wonwoo’s family car for a trip to Seaside to go to the beach. Back then he was pale as hell, concave chested, looking like a skeleton trying to pass as a person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, he’s - for lack of a better term - completely ripped. Soonyoung had noticed a little bit. His arms looked bigger and </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt</span>
  </em>
  <span> bigger and his chest felt substantial under his clothes. It’s completely different from seeing the shifting of his pectoral muscles when he shrugs off his shirt, the clearly defined abs Wonwoo has apparently been hiding under all his sweaters like a concealed weapon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I work out,” Wonwoo laughs quietly, smug little smile pulling at the edges of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah no kidding?” Soonyoung snaps. He reaches out with his left hand and touches the top pair of Wonwoo’s abs. They flex under his fingertips like they’re saying hello. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re drooling,” Wonwoo murmurs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung wipes his chin to be sure. He seriously might be. “This is dumb.” He grips Wonwoo’s shoulders and then his waist. “You’re shaped like a tortilla chip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo pulls him towards the bed and Soonyoung follows. It probably is an invitation to sit next to him but Soonyoung climbs into his lap, straddling his legs, using his arms around Wonwoo’s shoulders to not fall backwards off the bed like the alcohol makes him nearly do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leans down and kisses Wonwoo again, this time, taller for once. Wonwoo circles his arms around Soonyoung’s waist, tugging him a little more firmly onto his lap. Soonyoung is drunk and sort of sloppy and his heart is about to beat right out his chest with excitement. He grabs a fist full of Wonwoo’s curled hair and bites down on his bottom lip. Wonwoo moans a little brokenly and the sound goes straight to Soonyoung’s dick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo helps him out of the top half of his coveralls, out of the plain white t-shirt he has underneath, and pulls his chin back down for another kiss. His hands are everywhere at once. In Soonyoung’s hair, on his waist, on his chest and on his arms. Soonyoung rolls his hips downwards impatiently, grins when Wonwoo sucks in air through his teeth and grabs onto Soonyoung’s ass to keep him from squirming away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I?” Soonyoung says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you what?” Wonwoo leans back on one arm, looking Soonyoung in the eye with his all droopy and half-open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s drunk and this is gonna come back to bite him in the ass. But he’s also thinking that if he doesn’t get Wonwoo’s dick in his mouth in the next fifteen seconds he might go actually, certifiably insane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I blow you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s eyes widen slightly and then he swallows audibly. “Yeah, fuck,” he whispers like he’s not sure if Soonyoung is serious. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung giggles and climbs off his lap all wobbly-legs and overeager. He drops to his knees between Wonwoo’s legs hanging off the bed, reaching immediately for the zipper on the black pants he’s wearing, and fumbling around with it until he can get Wonwoo’s pants and underwear off of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, like, he’s definitely seen Wonwoo’s dick before. They had the same PE class in high school and they’ve changed in the same room like hundreds of times. So it’s not a total surprise, but the context is different than those other times. Soonyoung had most assuredly </span>
  <em>
    <span>considered</span>
  </em>
  <span> this context before, but considering something and then actually seeing that thing are two completely different scenarios that don’t even exist in the same galaxy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo shifts his hands back behind him and Soonyoung circles his cock with one hand, feeling the weight of him in his palm, hand looking </span>
  <em>
    <span>crazy</span>
  </em>
  <span> small compared to the length, the thickness. His mouth floods with saliva and he gives Wonwoo one compulsory look to be sure he’s still on board with this before he leans down and licks the tip of his cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound he makes in response is encouraging to say the least, so Soonyoung does it again, salty taste of skin and precome intense on his tongue. Wonwoo shifts on the bed and Soonyoung covers his teeth with his lips so he can take him all the way into his mouth and sink down on what he can manage without gagging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Wonwoo gasps. “Fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s gotten compliments on this before, both when he’s done it drunk and sober, and every time he hears a guy whisper that breathy little </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> he swears that it adds another year onto his life span or something. He sucks as he comes back up, swirls his tongue around the head, drops back down until his throat resists and uses his hand on what he can’t fit in this mouth - which is a lot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hesitantly rests his hand on the top of his head. Soonyoung looks up at him, smiling, and Wonwoo winces at the expression on his face. “I don’t...” he babbles. “Shit I don’t think I’m gonna last very long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung exhales through his nose in something that’s pretty close to a laugh. He feels a little loopy, too, and his dick is so hard it might kill him, but he’s so focused on this. He wants to make Wonwoo take an embarrassingly short amount of time to come. He’ll feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>proud</span>
  </em>
  <span> of himself if he does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, he sucks him down as best as he can until the head of Wonwoo’s cock is hitting the back of his throat every time, tongue pressing against the underside of his shaft, eyes watering a little from the effort it’s taking. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Wonwoo and Wonwoo doesn’t take his eyes off of him, and a little belatedly Soonyoung realizes how </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking hot</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wonwoo looks all slack-jawed and turned on the way he does now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s fingers flex and unflex in his hair. “Soonie,” he moans softly. “Hey...fuck...I’m gonna...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung groans and ignores the way Wonwoo is trying to pull him off. He keeps bobbing his head, faster and faster until Wonwoo’s legs start to twitch and he stutters around a sharp inhale. Call it gross, or whatever, but Soonyoung swallows until Wonwoo’s arm gives out from holding himself up and he collapses backwards on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Wonwoo pants. “I don’t even want to know where you learned that from.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s knees are screaming at him about the crappy carpet on Wonwoo’s bedroom floor and all of the blood that should be in his brain is presently in his dick. He laughs a little dazed and wipes the spit off his chin. “You’re welcome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo struggles to get himself upright again, but when he does, he’s already pulling at Soonyoung to stand. “Come here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He strips Soonyoung down until he’s naked, too, and then indelicately pulls him onto the bed. It makes Soonyoung shiver, the way he can manhandle him until his back is on the pillows, until his legs are spread and Wonwoo has enough room to get between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wownoo squeezes his thighs until Soonyoung yelps around a laugh. “Love these,” Wonwoo whispers to himself. “So fuckin’ hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He doesn't waste any time getting his hands on Soonyoung’s dick and Soonyoung’s back arches off the bed at the touch. He moans so loud it doesn’t even sound like his own voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh,” Wonwoo warns. “You’re so loud.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung squeezes his eyes shut and reaches behind himself to hold onto the pillows like somehow this particular combination will make him quieter. “I’m so close already,” he whines. “Wonwoo. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re close?” Wonwoo whispers, sounding surprised. “From...sucking my dick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung does his best to lift his hips off the bed so he can fuck himself into Wonwoo’s grip. “Yeah. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo twist his wrist on the upstroke and Soonyoung keeps thrusting upwards until Wonwoo grabs him by the hip and stops him altogether. He strokes Soonyoung faster, holds him still even when he struggles. Soonyoung whimpers and </span>
  <em>
    <span>jesus christ this is embarrassing but being held down like this</span>
  </em>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna come,” Soonyoung gasps. Wonwoo says something to him, but he doesn’t hear a single word of it. His brain has to reboot after coming that hard. It takes a few seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers and toes feel like pins and needles after he starts to come down. Every single muscle in his body relaxes until he thinks he’s gonna become a permanent part of the mattress underneath him. He doesn’t even really notice that Wonwoo had gotten up until he feels him cleaning off his stomach with something that looks suspiciously like the boxers Soonyoung took off of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scoot over,” he mumbles. He doesn’t really give Soonyoung much of a choice to do it on his own. He shoves at Soonyoung’s body until he’s up against the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo climbs into bed with him and pulls the blankets scrunched up at the foot of the bed over both of them. Soonyoung is already half asleep by the time Wonwoo finally settles with an arm around him to accommodate their bodies on a twin bed. Wonwoo tugs him close, his front to Soonyoung’s back, and sighs against his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last thought he has before he finally drifts off, is how twin beds were a lot easier for them to sleep in when they were both smaller.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung wakes up with three pressing thoughts.</span>
</p>
<ol>
<li><span>His head hurts</span></li>
<li><span>He has to pee</span></li>
<li><span>Wonwoo smells like vodka in the absolute worst way possible</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span>He extricates himself from Wonwoo half on top of him and tries his darndest not to wake Wonwoo up as he climbs out of bed. But he’s also half-sure he’s still drunk based on the way his legs give out from underneath him the second he stands up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stumbles around putting back on his boxer briefs and checks his phone. It’s 8:32 A.M. and he has 45 text messages he can’t possibly deal with until he has a glass of water and an Excedrin Migraine. What he, also, cannot deal with is that Wonwoo Jeon’s comically flat ass is out and Soonyoung was the one who relieved him of his clothes last night. He’s staring at it and jolts when Wonwoo starts to stir.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung?,” Wonwoo croaks, eyes still closed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning. I’m so hungover I think I’m going to die,” Soonyoung replies lightheartedly. Wonwoo peers at him and doesn’t seem like he’s really quite awake enough to acknowledge the fact that he came in Soonyoung’s mouth last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he grumbles in agreement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung looks at his coveralls piled on the ground. “Am I really about to walk of shame back across campus dressed as Remy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo turns over in bed so he’s facing the wall. “You can borrow some clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation seems like it’s over so Soonyoung trifles through Wonwoo’s drawers until he finds one of his sweatshirts and a pair of joggers to wear. He gets dressed quickly, staggers into the bathroom to pee, and up the stairs so he can find some water before he makes it back to his apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Case closed, right? Wonwoo and him hooked up and Wonwoo seems fine? He didn’t wake up and scream when he found Soonyoung was in his room. He didn’t even look like he was that worried about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung drinks another cup full of water from the kitchen sink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If this </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to be a big deal, Wonwoo would have already reacted, right? So it’s not. All of this is fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances up as another pair of voices float down the hall, a soft lilting giggle and a huskier, louder laugh. Soonyoung freezes as he hears the soft sounds of lips on lips. That giggle again. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>that giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Mingyu says as he parades into the kitchen. He’s completely shirtless, pajama pants loose around his waist. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus he’s so fucking hot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Minghao peeks around the door frame and Soonyoung can see he’s similarly dressed. Which is to say, not at all. The two of them look like a scene from a movie where the two characters fucked off screen and they’re trying to show the audience that it happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should warn Wonwoo. He should text him. But Soonyoung doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, Wonwoo, Mingyu and Minghao aren’t just friends I’m pretty sure they’re hooking up. But we are also just friends that just hooked up. Yes, this comment is illogical.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Soonyoung says limply. “I’m just getting water. But now I’m...done drinking water. So I’m leaving. Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Mingyu says carefully. He looks Soonyoung up and down, and it feels really, really scary without Wonwoo there. “Bye?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung can’t get the hell out of that kitchen fast enough.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:o</p><p>Obviously all the Twice girls are dressed up how they were for the TT mv.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi I'm back! Sorry it took so long between updates, I decided to take a much needed break from writing. Here is a triple update to make up for my absence. The next few chapters are little bit more emotional than the previous ones, just a warning!</p><p>Thank you to everyone who has read this story and reached out to me to say kind words about it. I'm having so much fun working on it and hearing that people have really liked it so far is so, so cool.</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>-Two Years Ago-</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Soonyoung didn’t know enough about boxed hair bleach to be standing in that CVS aisle, debating between two brands. His roommate had sworn that whatever he brought back to the dorm would be fine. Soonyoung knew that Jeonghan probably didn’t have the cosmetology skills he <em> acted </em> like he had, but <em> his </em> ashy blonde hair looked good for being done in a dorm bathroom. It was long, healthy, hadn’t been singed off at the root. Soonyoung trusted his judgement.</p><p>He ended up at self-checkout with both boxes. Jeonghan liked those little baby apple sauces that look like Capri-Sun so he threw a few of those across the scanner, toothpaste (since they were out), and a Monster Energy he’d have to drink before getting back to Alder Hall so Jeonghan wouldn’t give him hell about drinking caffeine at ten o’clock at night.</p><p>He was so focused on working the scanner on the self-checkout he was totally unaware of his surroundings. In particular, the guy standing next to him, but after a second he could definitely feel the guy staring at the side of his face.</p><p>“Soonyoung?” </p><p>Soonyoung knew who it was without having to look up. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. </p><p>Wonwoo was standing at the self-checkout terminal right beside Soonyoung’s. He looked taller, if that was possible, and was wearing a crew-neck sweatshirt with blocky Greek letters across the front. The whole ensemble was very collegiate, if not for the same uneven bangs he’d had his whole life, the last little bits of teenage acne on his chin.</p><p>“Wonwoo!” Soonyoung turned to him while the machine beeped dangerously about his items not being in the bagging area. “I haven’t seen you in like…”</p><p>“Forever,” Wonwoo finished for him.</p><p>All summer they’d been talking about how great it was they were both going to Evergreen, but then Wonwoo’s mom wouldn’t let him live on campus like they were both planning to do. Soonyoung moved into the dorm with Jeonghan and Wonwoo commuted only when he had his classes. Not to mention, Fall term had been busy for both of them - all the settling in and figuring out how to be college students.</p><p>Soonyoung had gotten busy with his Dance curriculum and between Computer Science and an English Literature minor, Wonwoo was <em> always </em> studying. None of their classes ever - or would ever - overlap. Then, during Winter Break, they had plans to hang out, but Soonyoung’s family decided to go see his sister in Boston and all their plans had fallen through.</p><p>The normal texts started coming less and less often. At first it was every few days. Then weeks. Now, he hadn’t heard from Wonwoo in over two months.</p><p>“How have you been?” Wonwoo asked, going back to scanning his bottles of shampoo and body wash. </p><p>“Good!” Soonyoung brightened. “Busy.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Wonwoo mused. “Me too. I moved into the house this week.”</p><p>Soonyoung couldn’t imagine Wonwoo pledging a frat. His entire life he had <em> at most </em> a social circle of three people. As nice as the frat guys in the quad seemed - they’d tried to convince Soonyoung to come to rush, too - it wasn’t Soonyoung’s scene and it most definitely wasn’t Wonwoo’s. Wonwoo used to hate the guys like that, the “popular jocks”. So when he’d heard about it, Soonyoung chalked it up to their mandatory Live In The House rule and Wonwoo’s repeatedly stated desire to not be living at home.</p><p>“How’s the frat life?” Soonyoung asked, finishing up his own transaction, frantically trying to get the machine to stop yelling at him. “Are they hazing the crap out of you?”</p><p>Wonwoo paused as he searched for his debit card in his wallet. He turned to Soonyoung and scowled. “No, why would they?”</p><p>“Oh,” Soonyoung said, deflating. “Sorry, I was just joking.”</p><p>“They’re really nice.”</p><p>“No, no. I figured,” Soonyoung floundered. He busied himself as best as he could with shoving all Jeonghan’s little applesauces in the reusable bag he’d brought. “That’s really good. I’m happy for you.”</p><p>“I see, um...” Wonwoo stammered. “What’s your roommate’s name again?”</p><p>“Jeonghan,” Soonyoung supplied.</p><p>“Jeonghan. Right. I followed him on SnapChat. You seem like you guys get along really well for being randomly assigned.”</p><p>Jeonghan wasn’t just somebody he <em> got along with </em>. Jeonghan had become his best friend. So much so that they went everywhere together. Enough for Jihoon to have started to call them “evil twins” and write “soonhan free zone” on the whiteboard stuck to his dorm door.</p><p>It occurred to Soonyoung, in that very moment, that they were no better than acquaintances. Wonwoo didn’t know anything about him anymore. Or the people he cared about or the things he liked now. Even worse, he’d known Wonwoo for so long - long enough to know when Wonwoo was uncomfortable in a social situation. He realized, in that very moment, that what Wonwoo was doing was small talk. Something that Wonwoo <em> hated </em>. </p><p>“Yeah,” Soonyoung laughed. He glanced down at his phone as it vibrated in his hand. <em> Saved by the bell </em>. “Actually this is him calling me. So...gotta go...”</p><p>Wonwoo blinked. “Oh. Yeah. Sure.”</p><p>“We should hang out sometime though.”</p><p>“I have a bunch of initiation stuff to do. And then a bunch of papers,” Wonwoo sighed.</p><p>“Yeah,” Soonyoung nodded. “No I get it. You know how I’m busy with work and stuff. I’ll see you though.”</p><p>“Yeah, see you around, Soonyoung.” </p><p>He spared one last glance at Wonwoo before he picked up, slinging the bag over his shoulder and walking towards the exit. </p><p>“Hey, Hannie,” he said as he answered the call.</p><p>“Did you get the goods?” Jeonghan said into the phone.</p><p>“Mm-hmm.” Soonyoung stepped out into the cold, cracking open the Monster as quietly as possible. He had about ten minutes to pound the whole thing before he got home. “You’ll never guess who I saw.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Remember my friend from high school? The one that joined the frat?”</p><p>“Yeah. Of course. Skinny legs.”</p><p>“Don’t be mean.”</p><p>Jeonghan sighed into the phone. “Yes, <em> obviously </em> I know who you’re talking about, Soonyoung. Wonwoo. Go on. You saw him and...?”</p><p>“It was weird,” Soonyoung said. His voice came out a bit tight and it revealed a little bit more to Jeonghan than Soonyoung had even realized he was feeling. It was weird and awful and uncomfortable. And he felt bad about it. “I feel like we barely even know each other.”</p><p>“Well,” Jeonghan’s voice got serious in that <em> I’m older than you and therefore wiser </em>way. “You guys aren’t kids anymore. People change. It’s a fact of life.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Soonyoung paused to drink half of his Monster and turned away so he didn’t burp into the receiver. “It’s just shitty. He looked like he’d rather be literally anywhere else than talk to me. Kinda feel like it’s my fault”</p><p>“Hey,” Jeonghan said gently. “It’s not your fault. You’re in college, Soonie. You’re making new friends, he’s making new friends. Sometimes people just outgrow each other.”</p><p><em> Outgrow each other </em>. It wasn’t like Soonyoung was Clifford the Big Red Dog. He and Wonwoo were people. People who had already done a hell of a lot of growing together (biologically, almost all of their growing together). It didn’t feel as much like outgrowing as it did feel like breaking a promise.</p><p>“Soonyoung,” Jeonghan said, taking on an entirely different tone of seriousness. “Did you buy an energy drink? If you keep me up all night you’re sleeping in the hallway. I mean it this time.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Soonyoung drinks three bottles of water before he gets a chance to change out of his costume.</p><p>Midterms are a little different for Dance majors. His one senior level choreography seminar requires a solo evaluation and while Soonyoung has been constantly choreographing for himself since the time he was nine, this particular piece of choreography concept was pretty serious for him. </p><p>When he first explained it to Professor Lim back during week two, the feedback had been <em> Wow Soonyoung, that’s very unexpected for you </em>. It’s all a metaphor for personal setbacks. Jihoon allows him to use an old dramatic piano arrangement of his for the music. The ribbon connecting him to a sandbag in the wings is like the bonds of his limitations - or something, the idea makes more sense to him when he doesn’t have to try and explain it.</p><p>It’s incredibly physical. Battement after battement, a couple of jetes that require some slight of hand just to figure out how to do with one leg tied up. Almost the entire thing is done on releve, apart from the floor work, which is equally hard because apparently Soonyoung has unusually pointy scapulas and there are bruises all over his back.</p><p>He pokes at one now, looking over his shoulder in the mirror in one of the dressing rooms under the stage in the main theatre. It looks blotchy, purple, and awful like a plum. </p><p>“Ah, Soonyoung,” Momo warns. “Stop poking at them.”</p><p>Soonyoung smiles triumphantly. “Just admiring my war wounds.” He flops down on the dubious looking carpet next to her and lays on his back to catch his breath. The floor smells like hairspray. “You did great.” He emphasizes it by poking her cheek.</p><p>“So did you,” she smiles, focusing on the laces of pointe shoes. “I just hope it’s enough for a B.”</p><p>“If it were up to me, you’d get one thousand out of a hundred,” he pinches one of the longer pieces of the skirt Sana designed and made for her. “The extra marks are for being the prettiest flower-person I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>Momo pushes his hand away with a laugh. “Thank you, Soonie.”</p><p>They, and the six other students in their class, get dressed into street clothes again, shoving their conceptualized costumes into their bags. There wasn’t a requirement for costuming, but most of the costuming majors would hound them to complete their <em> own </em> midterms and Professor Lim was such a known hardass that it almost became an unspoken rule to have a full concept rather than just a routine. The rest of the class are actual seniors - he and Momo decided to take the class together a year early because of how notoriously difficult it was. </p><p>“Hello!” Seungkwan knocks on the open dressing room door. One of the other dancers looks at Seungkwan with shock before apparently realizing who it is. Seungkwan watches him walk past as he leans in the door frame. “What’s taking you two so long?”</p><p>Soonyoung turns back to the mirror to check that the eyeliner from his performance isn’t too smudged to be seen in public. He slings his bag over his shoulder. “How did you even get back here?”</p><p>“How did I -” Seungkwan looks at him incredulously and motions around the dressing room, to the stage above them. “You’re in <em> my </em> house.”</p><p>Momo laughs and pulls her heavy parka off one of the hangers. “Sorry, I wanted to try and look nice just in case we went out.”</p><p>Seungkwan wordlessly offers to help her carry one of the two bags she has on. “Well your adoring crowd is waiting in the lobby. Wonwoo looks like a lost puppy.”</p><p>Soonyoung freezes. “What?”</p><p>“Didn’t you know he was coming?” Seungkwan scowls. “He told us at lunch on Monday.”</p><p>“Did he? Where was I?”</p><p>“Practicing.”</p><p>“He ate lunch with you guys without me being there?” </p><p>“Yes,” Seungkwan says suspiciously. “Sooooo you didn’t know he was coming?”</p><p>He didn’t actually. </p><p>A few days ago, before the Halloween party, he’d mentioned to him <em> hey, my midterm is this really small performance. I doubt Seokmin will be there but just in case... </em> and Wonwoo said <em> sure okay it’s in the rules </em>. But that was well before Soonyoung sucked his dick, and sucking somebody’s dick can change things. </p><p>In the four days leading up to the performance, they hadn’t texted each other once. Soonyoung spent almost every moment of free time practicing his choreography - he’d been kicked out of one of the dance classrooms twice - and Wonwoo was presumably <em> also </em> busy with midterms.</p><p>However.</p><p>The silence, Soonyoung had assumed, meant that Wonwoo wasn’t particularly happy with the turn of events at the Halloween party. Which in turn meant that Wonwoo was no longer interested in pretending to be his boyfriend. Which <em> then </em> meant that he wasn’t obligated to come to any of Soonyoung’s performances. Soonyoung couldn’t assign that much concern about it with his midterm, so he set aside the freaking out for later, penciled it in for his calendar. It was supposed to start tomorrow. </p><p>Seungkwan leads them back up to the theatre’s main lobby. </p><p>A few years ago these evaluations had been in a classroom. But, when enough of the other performing arts students tried to make up reasons why they needed to be in the classroom to watch the performances. Eventually, Professor Lim - strict bastard he was - conceded. Most likely because of the way everyone was assigning such importance to his class. </p><p>There’s a moderate number of people still milling around with a few of Soonyoung’s classmates, but by <em> far </em> the majority of the crowd is made up of Soonyoung’s friends. Sana and Tzuyu descend on Momo the second that they see her, and Dahyun and Jeongyeon both wait their turns to hug Soonyoung after Jihoon and Chaeyoung - Jihoon excluded from the hugging, obviously, though Soonyoung <em> does </em> attempt it.</p><p>“Wow, Soonyoung! You were amazing!”</p><p>Joshua Hong gives him a tight hug and then Seungcheol follows it up with one even tighter. He looks between them for a moment and his heart feels all fuzzy. “I didn’t know you guys were coming?” he says. He’s never seen any of the guys from the frat at one of their performances unless they were dating somebody <em> in </em> the show.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t we?” Seungcheol asks genuinely. “I knew you were a good dancer, but wow. And you!” Seungcheol turns to Momo. He pulls her into a hug and rocks her back and forth while she giggles. “So <em> good </em>, Mo.”</p><p>Joshua pulls a little bouquet of flowers off of a chair stacked with coats. He holds them out to Momo with a smile. “These are for you.”</p><p>Momo pulls him in for a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek before she takes the flowers. Joshua and Seungcheol crowd around her, and Soonyoung makes eye contact with Wonwoo standing off to the side.</p><p>Dread settles into Soonyoung’s stomach like he ate a cinderblock. Wonwoo looks like he’s experiencing the same thing.</p><p>He’s handsome though, all dressed up for A Night At The Theatre with a form fitting hunter green sweater and a nicer pair of jeans. The peacoat he’s wearing is unbuttoned and his hair is a little frizzy from the rain, and <em> god dammit </em> if he doesn’t look every part the boyfriend he’s been playing for the last few weeks.</p><p>Soonyoung’s eyes drop to Wonwoo’s hand, where he’s holding his own bouquet of multi-colored gerber daisies wrapped in cellophane. They look like they came from the Fred Meyer up the street, and Soonyoung’s brain doesn’t make the connection before he blurts out the question on the forefront of his mind.</p><p>“Are those for me?”</p><p>Wonwoo snaps his eyes up to Soonyoung’s from wherever they had been before and then looks down at the flowers like he forgot he had them. “Um…” He wets his lips with his tongue. “Yeah.”</p><p>Soonyoung takes a step forward as Wonwoo lifts up the flowers for Soonyoung to take. Which he does, trepidatiously, because he’s heavily concerned that Wonwoo is about to tell him <em> sike </em> and throw them in the garbage.</p><p>“Thanks,” Soonyoung says quietly. He sticks his whole nose into the cup of one of the daisies to smell and when he looks back up Wonwoo is staring at him like he’s on the verge of a panic attack.</p><p>Behind them Sana coos out an <em> awww </em> and Joshua says, “Let me take your guys’ picture!”</p><p>Soonyoung gives Wonwoo an apologetic smile before he turns around and plasters on a bright one for the camera, for all their friends who are looking at them like an audience. He drops his bag off his shoulder and onto the ground before standing next to Wonwoo. </p><p>“Sorry,” Soonyoung whispers. “I’m sweaty.”</p><p>Wonwoo doesn’t look at him. “You’re always sweaty,” he mutters.</p><p>Soonyoung gives him a respectful distance, but Joshua Hong doesn’t look satisfied with it. It’s Seungcheol who says something.</p><p>“Act like you guys like each other!”</p><p>Wonwoo shifts in Soonyoung’s periphery, touches Soonyoung’s back, and Soonyoung scoots closer without judging the distance properly. He knocks into Wonwoo’s shoulder hard enough to make him stumble and they both look at one another for a beat. He sort of expects Wonwoo to scowl at him. He doesn’t. He just stares. Long and hard and awfully unreadable until Soonyoung feels like their height difference is a few feet rather than just a few inches.</p><p>And then, Wonwoo starts to laugh.</p><p>It’s a laugh like a balloon with too much air finally popping. Wonwoo laughs straight from his belly, hunching a little bit like laughing is the only thing that’ll get his anxiety to go away. So Soonyoung laughs, too. One because Wonwoo’s laugh is funny and he’s a little empathetic, but two, because it feels good to release the anxiety, too. They laugh in each other’s faces. Laugh and laugh until Wonwoo turns back to the camera and Joshua Hong takes his shot.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Dahyun says, hooking her chin over Joshua Hong’s shoulder, looking at the picture. “You guys are so cute.”</p><p>Wonwoo doesn’t drop his hand on Soonyoung’s back right away. “You were great,” he says softly. “Your...dancing, I mean.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Soonyoung shifts on his feet. “You’re not just saying that.”</p><p>“No,” Wonwoo starts to scowl and then stops like he thinks better of it. “I really missed getting to watch you dance. Not like...with the kids. Really dance, you know?”</p><p>Soonyoung feels like he ate that cinderblock again. </p><p>Seungcheol comes over to clap him on the shoulder.</p><p>“Come on,” Seungcheol whines, picking up Soonyoung’s bag for him off the ground. “Let’s go. Bluebird actually allowed us to make a reservation. Which is in like ten minutes.” </p><p>Soonyoung looks up at Wonwoo. “Are you coming, too?” he asks. He wants Wonwoo to come, he realizes. </p><p>Wonwoo shoves his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know. I was gonna use the fact that most of the house is gone so I could finally finish my paper.”</p><p>Soonyoung’s considers that and it kind of sounds like a lie. Wonwoo probably doesn’t want to step on his toes. Or he’s still uncomfortable with what happened. Or he just really, really doesn’t want to spend time with Soonyoung anymore and this was all an obligation.</p><p>“Unless,” Wonwoo says carefully. “Can I come to yours after?”</p><p>Soonyoung widens his eyes. “Sure,” he replies quickly. “Yeah. That’s good.”</p><p>Seungcheol readjusts Soonyoung’s bag on his shoulder and smirks at Wonwoo. “Good, glad that’s settled. Cause you’re driving.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>As it turns out, Wonwoo wasn’t lying about the paper. He’s sitting at the tiny table in Soonyoung’s studio apartment, looking between his dogeared copy of Jane Eyre and his laptop screen.</p><p>The sky opens up with a staggering amount of rain on the drive home and Wonwoo’s socks are drying over his boots by the door after the brief walk from the car to Soonyoung’s building. It’s lucky that Soonyoung hadn’t given him back the sweats and sweatshirt he borrowed, because now Wonwoo is wearing them, fresh from the wash at Soonyoung’s parents house, and it’s funny how tiny he looks in them even though they’re technically his.</p><p>Soonyoung’s hair is dripping all over the counter from The Longest Shower Of His Life. He doesn’t have a vase - he doesn’t have more than four mismatched cups and a plate set from Ikea - so he uses one of his liter-sized reusable water bottles to set his daisies in. He cuts the stems, tries to get them to lean in a way that makes sense, and then sets them on the table by his bed. </p><p>Wonwoo’s fingers click on the keys of his keyboard. Soonyoung looks at the pictures Joshua Hong sent to both of them, the ones from the theatre and some from Bluebird. It’s crazy how much they <em> look </em> like boyfriends. Soonyoung was a little too caught up in his nerves at the theatre to think about how their bodies were positioned, but now he can see it. </p><p>Soonyoung leaning into Wonwoo’s shoulder on the posed pictures, cradling his bouquet, and Wonwoo’s hand gripping at his waist with that sort of ownership reserved for significant others. And the ones of them laughing (god bless Joshua Hong and his insane ability to take candid pictures) because they don’t look awkward at all. In fact, if this was an alternate reality and Soonyoung was another person looking at this picture, he’d assume they were dating, too.</p><p>“This is weird,” Soonyoung blurts out. “Right?”</p><p>Wonwoo pauses mid-keystroke and then turns in his chair to face Soonyoung. He looks just as unsure as he had a few hours ago. “Right.” </p><p>“We should talk about it,” Soonyoung says, feeling extra mature for suggesting it first. But then he falters. How does a person broach this topic of accidentally sucking somebody’s dick?</p><p>“I thought you were avoiding me,” Wonwoo says softly. </p><p>“I thought <em> you </em> were avoiding <em> me </em>.”</p><p>“Do you…” Wonwoo starts to say. “I mean...do you feel like…”</p><p>“I mean do <em> you </em> feel like…”</p><p>Wonwoo looks confused. “Wait, what are we talking about?”</p><p>Wait, maybe Wonwoo doesn’t remember. Maybe he was too drunk. “You remember everything don’t you?” Soonyoung asks, worrying his lip with his teeth.</p><p>Wonwoo exhales sharply and then blinks. “Do <em> you </em>?”</p><p>
  <em> Does Soonyoung remember?  </em>
</p><p>Here’s the thing. Everyone always assumes that because Soonyoung is a lightweight, that he doesn’t remember things he did when he was drunk. He <em> always </em> remembers. Soonyoung has played that night in his head backwards and forwards from beginning until the end. He’s zoomed in on some particular points, made little annotations to come back to. There are a lot. </p><p>“I remember,” Soonyoung confirms. “I just…” He takes a big gulp of air in. “Do you regret doing it?” Then he word-vomits all over the place. “Because I know you were drunk and I was <em> very </em> drunk. Which isn’t to say you took advantage of me, because I definitely wanted it to happen. But if I did that to you I -”</p><p>Wonwoo cuts him off. “Woah, jesus, no!” He steps away from his chair and comes to sit beside Soonyoung on the futon. “No. The answer is no. I don’t regret it. As long as…” </p><p>Soonyoung keeps his eyes trained on Wonwoo’s knees, where the fabric of his sweatpants is pilling up. “As long as what?”</p><p>“Do <em> you </em> regret it?”</p><p>He’s no stranger to being turned on thinking about Wonwoo Jeon. He had a massive crush on him during <em> puberty </em> so it’s not the first time he’s had some sexual thoughts where Wonwoo was playing the starring role. And if Wonwoo was hot to him <em> then </em> he’s definitely hot to him now.</p><p>So, Soonyoung, has reached the reasonable conclusion after much, much deliberation, that Drunk Soonyoung finds Wonwoo attractive. Soonyoung has hooked up with lots of people he found attractive and there were no feelings involved. Which is the case here. He doesn’t have feelings for Wonwoo, but he definitely <em> liked </em> hooking up with him.</p><p>“No,” Soonyoung says, meeting Wonwoo’s eyes. “I don’t. I think we just both wanted to hook up with somebody. I mean you needed a rebound, right?”</p><p>Wonwoo scowls. “Hang on, what makes you think I didn’t have a rebound before you?”</p><p>“<em> Did </em> you?”</p><p>Wonwoo squints at him. “This is completely not the point of this discussion.”</p><p>“I think you came <em> in </em> my mouth so it’s only fair you tell me.”</p><p>“Soony -” Wonwoo cuts himself off and grimaces. “Why do you have to say it like that?”</p><p>“Because that’s what happened,” Soonyoung says. He gets up onto his own knees and sits on his heels. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”</p><p>“You’re the one who almost came from giving me a blowjob,” Wonwoo snaps back.</p><p>Soonyoung gapes in false offense. Wonwoo looks self-satisfied and Soonyoung can’t possibly have that, so he grabs his own thighs and smirks. “You’re the one who said you loved my thighs and called me…” He taps on his chin, pretending to think about it. “<em> Fuckin’ hot </em> . Or wait was it <em> fuckin’ sexy </em>? I can’t remember.”</p><p>Wonwoo shoves Soonyoung right in the middle of his chest so he loses balance and falls backwards on the unfolded futon. Soonyoung cackles and kicks his legs in the air for added effect. Wonwoo stands and stomps dramatically back to his laptop. “This discussion is over.”</p><p>“Wait,” Soonyoung scrambles onto his stomach to face Wonwoo. “Does this mean you’re still my fake boyfriend?”</p><p>They both hesitate. </p><p>It’s the million dollar question. Soonyoung still hasn’t talked to Seokmin. It’s only been about a month since the letters went out, but Soonyoung <em> definitely </em> doesn’t feel ready. The feelings are still there. When he thinks about it, they’re just as real as they ever were. Sometimes, they’re so real that when Soonyoung thinks about him for too long, his chest aches. Sometimes, Soonyoung still catches himself having those daydreams where they get married.</p><p>And Wonwoo. There’s no way that’s gotten any better. In fact, it’s only gotten worse with the Minghao development. </p><p>“Yes,” Wonwoo says finally. “I think maybe until the cabin trip. I don’t...Mingyu is bringing Minghao and…”</p><p>Soonyoung nods. “Say no more. I’m not ready for The Talk either.”</p><p>Wonwoo gives him a small smile that Soonyoung guesses is supposed to be sympathetic. It’s gone as quickly as it came. </p><p>“Can I go back to writing my paper now?” Wonwoo sighs. </p><p>“You sure you don’t want to look at my sexy thighs some more?” Soonyoung says, emphasizing it by lifting his right leg and slapping his inner-thigh.</p><p>Wonwoo flips him off and Soonyoung laughs so hard that his sides hurt.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>At some point he falls asleep. It’s Wonwoo who wakes him up.</p><p>“What time is it?” Soonyoung asks groggily, rubbing at his eyes. Wonwoo is packing up his bag at the table.</p><p>“Two thirty,” he says back. “I’m heading home.”</p><p>Soonyoung can hear the rain pelting the windows. </p><p>“Late,” he mumbles. “Just sleep here.” </p><p>Soonyoung turns over on his other side, wriggling like a worm to make enough space on the mattress for Wonwoo to fit. Wonwoo never says yes, but Soonyoung feels the blankets shifting around right before he falls back asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Soonyoung sort of forgets Wonwoo is there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The futon he sleeps on is a full-sized mattress, but somehow Soonyoung has ended up with his head on Wonwoo’s chest, hand on his stomach, and leg draped over his waist. Soonyoung doesn’t remember falling asleep this way. He’s pretty sure he’d remember being able to hear Wonwoo’s heartbeat in his ear. He wouldn’t have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>able </span>
  </em>
  <span>to fall asleep if that was the case.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s still raining outside, and cold enough that the radiator can’t keep up - try as it might, the old architecture means it’s gurgling out sounds like it’s going to explode at any second. Under the blankets, with Wonwoo, it’s warm. Soonyoung takes stock of everything: Wonwoo’s arm around his back, Wonwoo’s fingers drifting slightly over his shoulder, Wonwoo very much awake and without his glasses, squinting at his phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It should be weird. Right? Soonyoung’s pretty sure it </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> be weird. But they’ve snuggled up in bed before plenty of times. Hell, they woke up </span>
  <em>
    <span>naked</span>
  </em>
  <span> in bed almost a week ago. He didn’t give those instances a second thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow, in a way that makes sense in Soonyoung’s magnificent brain, this is very different. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it has to do with the way Soonyoung loses the plot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo is firm and solid and warm, holding him so close in a way that makes him feel safe. Safe like he never wants to move from this spot, right here, under his Target-bought Cars blanket. Here, with Wonwoo’s fingers on his shoulder and his belly moving Soonyoung’s leg up and down as he breathes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” Wonwoo mumbles as he looks down at him. The sound of his vibrates in his chest, right up against Soonyoung’s cheek. His heart is </span>
  <em>
    <span>pounding</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he cannot figure out if it’s because he’s embarrassed or because Wonwoo without his glasses is like basically seeing him naked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Soonyoung replies. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Sorry,” He goes to move, but Wonwoo’s arm around him prevents him from moving away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait no,” Wonwoo says. His sleepy voice is so deep and bassy that Soonyoung thinks it might knock the frames off the walls. Seungkwan told him he should have anchored them. “You’re warm. It’s fine,” Wonwoo explains. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, my um…” Soonyoung shifts on the mattress and Wonwoo adjusts with him, shivering. “My radiator sucks. What...uh...time is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘S’okay,” Wonwoo says, looking like he’s already about to fall back asleep. He locks his phone and sets it aside. “Only seven.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung freezes when Wonwoo’s hand comes back under the blanket to rest on his outer thigh. Wonwoo must notice that Soonyoung tenses because </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> gets tense. Then it’s just them frozen up under the blanket, trying not to make eye contact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Never in Soonyoung’s life has been more grateful for his phone to ring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He digs it out from under the pillow he abandoned for Wonwoo’s chest. It also gives him an excuse to roll away from Wonwoo and the warm palm that was burning a hole through his sweatpants a second ago. Which is good. If he were to dwell on that any longer, he might have lost his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning </span>
  <em>
    <span>eomma</span>
  </em>
  <span>,”  Soonyoung says as he answers the phone. He flops back onto his </span>
  <em>
    <span>own</span>
  </em>
  <span> pillow and sees that Wonwoo has turned on his side to face him, glasses finally on his face again, thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung,” his mom says seriously. “We need to talk about something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s stomach drops. “Oh god. What’s wrong?” His mind filters through every possible thing that could go wrong imaginable - his parents are getting a divorce, something happened to his sister, one of the chickens died.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mom sighs. “I just got off the phone with your sister.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “And I was debating whether or not to bring it up to you, but I’m worried.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eomma</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Soonyoung says weakly. He glances at Wonwoo, who looks just as concerned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung,” she says gently. “Are you dating Wonwoo?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was not one of the things he considered that could go wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Soonyoung squeaks out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just, your sister said she saw </span>
  <em>
    <span>another</span>
  </em>
  <span> post on Instagram.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung fumbles with his phone to get it on speaker so Wonwoo can hear. He looks at him pointedly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I know that you two stopped talking, so I told her that maybe you reconnected? I thought it was strange that you wouldn’t have told me. But then she sent me the picture you posted and…” His mom’s voice gets very, very soft. Almost as if she’s hurt. “Soonie, is there a reason you didn’t tell me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks completely shell-shocked. Soonyoung guesses he probably looks the same, because he’s freaking the fuck out. How did he not consider that his sister follows him on Instagram? Why did he forget that by tricking Seokmin into thinking Wonwoo was his boyfriend, he might also trick </span>
  <em>
    <span>other, more important</span>
  </em>
  <span> people too?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung mouths to Wonwoo: “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What do we do?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo fumbles to hit the mute button on Soonyoung’s phone and then hisses: “Your sister follows you on Instagram?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Soonyoung says in confusion. “Doesn’t your brother follow you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Wonwoo snaps. “Nobody in my family even </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> have social media </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s private. Which was part of the reason I was fine posting because it wouldn’t complicate things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung?” his mom asks worriedly. Soonyoung takes the phone off mute.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here </span>
  <em>
    <span>eomma</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I...um…” He flounders again, looking at Wonwoo for a cue. He just shakes his head in panic and Soonyoung panics, too. “I’m sorry. I just...we haven’t been seeing each other for that long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo smacks his head and groans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Soonie,” his mom says gleefully. “That’s great. Oh...</span>
  <em>
    <span>yeobo!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She shouts away from the receiver. “Wonwoo </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soonyoung’s boyfriend. I owe you $20.” She laughs at whatever his dad says in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss seeing Wonwoo,” she adds. “Do you have class tonight? Is he busy? Invite him for dinner!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uhhh…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the background of the call, Soonyoung’s dad’s voice comes out powerful. Like he’s yelling. “I think he’s well past the nervousness of meeting the parents, son!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung looks at Wonwoo who is </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet again</span>
  </em>
  <span> no help. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure. Tonight. After my five o’clock class.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo mouths: </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What?!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Soonyoung, I can’t wait,” his mom claps.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s house has been the same blinding robin’s egg blue color since he could remember. There’s one picture of his parents, where they must be in the mid-twenties, standing outside the house right after they’d moved in. The two-story was painted cream then, with white trim and a boring front porch. Now the front porch is covered in potted plants and sea-glass blue bottles, with a Portland Trailblazers flag blowing in the wind just above the stairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can still cancel,” Soonyoung whispers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo is staring at the house too, with his hands still on the steering wheel of his car. He’s all dressed up, which is kind of funny. All of his bangs are gathered and pomade-swooped to one side, and the white button down he’s wearing looks like he actually ironed it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean…” Wonwoo huffs and turns the key in the ignition to shut off the car. “You confirmed we’re together. I think it’s a little late for that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I can just tell them something came up. And we can keep putting it off until we break up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo takes off his seatbelt and grunts an acknowledgement. “It’s fine. Just don’t be weird.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung isn’t sure if Wonwoo knows who he’s talking to. He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird. Even when he doesn’t want to be. And if anyone should be concerned about being weird it’s Wonwoo fucking Jeon who gets awkard and quiet when he’s put in any sort of uncomfortable situation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second Soonyoung opens his own front door, his mom hugs Wonwoo, bypassing Soonyoung entirely. Wonwoo doesn’t hug back (</span>
  <em>
    <span>see, weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and then barks out a startled laugh when she squeezes him even tighter around the middle. He and Soonyoung make eye contact over Soonyooung’s mom’s shoulder and Wonwoo’s face is paler than normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Wonwoo,” Soonyoung’s mom says, leaning back to look him up and down. “You got even taller. How is that possible?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s face softens and then he cracks a shy smile. It’s funny to see them next to each other. Soonyoung’s mom isn’t wrong, Wonwoo </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> get taller and she’s always been so small, but she’s completely dwarfed by him now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi </span>
  <em>
    <span>eomma</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Soonyoung leans down to kiss his mom’s cheek and she takes hold of his hand to squeeze it tight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coats on the rack, please. Dinner is already on the table.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’ve done this exact thing hundreds of times: Wonwoo holding onto the table in the foyer to toe off his shoes, the way he’s exceptionally neat about hanging his jacket up on the rack adjacent to the front door because at </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>house he wasn’t allowed to make a mess. It’s strange now, seeing Wonwoo doing this as an adult when so little has changed with the scenery around him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All of it is like that. When Wonwoo walks down the main hall past all the collage frames with Soonyoung’s school pictures, the shots of his dad back when he was still with the San Francisco ballet, his parents’ wedding photos (both weddings, one in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator and a fancy, serious one in Korea). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There are pictures of Wonwoo, too. Soonyoung watches Wonwoo walk past them and then Soonyoung looks at the photos in his wake - Wonwoo with missing teeth and both of them in hanboks on Culture Day at school, Wonwoo with braces standing beside Soonyoung for their first middle school dance, Wonwoo and Soonyoung in their bright purple cap and gown at high school graduation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s dad is bringing in the last of their dinner from the passthrough that leads to the kitchen. He brightens the second he sees Wonwoo step into the dining room and rushes to set down the plate on the table setting. Wonwoo offers him a hand, but Soonyoung’s dad scoffs at it and pulls him into a hug, slapping his back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so tall now, Wonwoo-ya.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what I said!” his mom laughs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If there’s one thing in the world that can calm Soonyoung’s nerves, it’s his parents cooking. He doesn’t cook - it’s no laziness or anything, he’s just </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> at it - so when he’s home on the weekends, his parents insist on making something at home rather than going out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But even with all the home cooked meals he’s used to, the one in front of them is clearly a signal that this is a special occasion. Sundubu jjigae was always Wonwoo’s favorite as a kid, which doesn’t seem to get lost on Wonwoo based on the way his eyes soften once he registers what it is. His mom even brought out matching plates for once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It smells delicious,” Wonwoo says politely. “Thank you, Mrs. Kwon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s mom lifts an eyebrow. “Oh I’m Mrs. Kwon now? Is it because I’m going grey?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung snorts and Wonwoo swallows thickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eomma</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” he tries. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There you go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo seems to be treading water attempting his best behavior. He’s using all his best table manners - which he hasn’t demonstrated for Soonyoung in years - and dutifully answers all of Soonyoung’s questions about school and his career plans. He tells them about wanting to go to grad school and how he’d like to use his degree as if he’s trying to show off his pedigree. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if Soonyoung’s parents need convincing. Soonyoung had suspicions when they were younger that his parents liked Wonwoo better than their own two children. They practically fawn over him and how smart and determined he is. Soonyoung’s dad asks him follow up questions about his Computer Science degree, Soonyoung’s mom brings up his family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do see your parents quite a bit at church,” Soonyoung’s mom says. “Your mom and I are on the committee for the winter carnival this year.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo freezes and Soonyoung’s dad hums thoughtfully. “Don’t worry, Wonwoo. We haven’t said anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s mom gives Wonwoo a gentle smile. “And we won’t. If that’s what you want.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They haven’t really talked about this part. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung knows that Wonwoo’s parents don’t know about him dating men. Or at least, Soonyoung assumes that’s the case based on Wonwoo saying he has all his social media locked and no family members following him. His parents have never been particularly open minded about anything. They used to look at Soonyoung’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>ear piercings</span>
  </em>
  <span> like he was going to pressure their son into doing blood sacrifices to the devil.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Wonwoo says quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nice though,” Soonyoung’s dad says, easing the tension and motioning with his spoon between Wonwoo and Soonyoung. “Seeing the two of you together again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s mom makes a sound of agreement and smiles at them. “When Soonyoung said you two had drifted a bit, it broke my heart. Connected at the hip, you two. Always.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Soonyoung says around a mouthful of rice. “Wonwoo can’t get rid of me that easily.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives him a surprised look and then grins. “Which I wouldn’t. Want to, I mean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung stops chewing, letting his jaw hang open. That...was an unexpected reply. Wonwoo holds eye contact for a second and then goes back to his own food, mouth positively dainty around the spoon he’s eating from. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Soonyoung’s mom says conspiratorially. “I half expected this to happen when you were boys.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Expected what to happen?” Soonyoung says. He was already blushing, but now his face is heating up like it’s on fire.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You two. Together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo drops his spoon against his bowl and Soonyoung truly, deeply thinks that if spontaneous self-immolation is possible, it’s about to happen right now. He glances at Wonwoo out of the corner of his eye and Wonwoo mutters an apology before he picks up his spoon again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t tease them,” Soonyoung’s dad admonishes. “No matter how true it is,” he adds under his breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s mom smirks, eyes twinkling as she looks between Wonwoo and Soonyoung. Wonwoo still isn’t making eye contact with any of them. Instead, he looks incredibly interested in the color of his jjigae.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When you were little, Soonyoung,” she continues. “You always used to ask me to tell you the story of how your father and I met. And I always said…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marry your best friend,” Soonyoung finishes for her in a desperate attempt for her to stop embarrassing Wonwoo. And him, for that matter. But he’s far more concerned with Wonwoo. He shoots her a pleading look and she smiles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All I mean to say,” she sighs. “Without </span>
  <em>
    <span>embarrassing </span>
  </em>
  <span>either of you any further. Is that the best foundation for any love is being best friends first.” She reaches to the side to take Soonyoung’s dad’s hand and they look at each other with hearts in their eyes for a moment. Soonyoung can’t find it in him to be mad when his mom and dad look at each other like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And Wonwoo,” she adds. “You know you are welcome here anytime. You have always been family to us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now it’s just…” Soonyoung’s dad starts to laugh. “A different context.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A better context,” Soonyoung’s mom says finally. “You have always been a son to us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks at them with wide eyes for a moment and fake boyfriend act or not, Soonyoung reaches under the table to take Wonwoo’s hand. To his parents it might seem like a romantic gesture, but he hopes that Wonwoo understands the real meaning when he squeezes fingers around his palm. A small reminder that as insanely uncomfortable this is, Soonyoung is right beside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the end though, Wonwoo doesn’t really seem to need it. He squeezes back with reassurance and then smiles at Soonyoung’s parents. “Thank you,” he says. “I missed it here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t lying you know,” Wonwoo says. “I have missed it here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stands in the center of Soonyoung’s childhood bedroom, looking around at the walls like it’s a museum exhibit rather than the place Soonyoung sometimes stays on the weekends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not much has changed. There’s still the orange paint on the wall furthest from the dormer window, and there’s a mixture of SHINee and anime posters are still all over the place, hung with thumb tacks and tape. All of the glow-in-the-dark stars are on the ceiling except for a few that have fallen over the years, but the sticker that held them up once upon a time is still up there where they used to be. The only real change is that all of Soonyoung’s things have been mostly moved out and there’s a folded up treadmill in the corner that hardly gets any use.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It is strange seeing Wonwoo there, despite the changes and what has stayed the same. Wonwoo is an adult now. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> adult. Who can handle awkward conversations with fake-future-in-laws and has real career plans. His hands are tucked behind his back and it makes him look particularly broad-chested when he stands like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even though my parents don’t have a filter?” Soonyoung laughs. He does a haphazard job of folding the load of laundry he hadn’t gotten to over the weekend when he was here last. Wonwoo watches him with a small smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that runs in the family,” he hums thoughtfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung hesitates while he’s matching his socks. “Wonwoo, can I ask you something? But like...we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo shrugs in what Soonyoung interprets as </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does any of your family know that you like guys, too?” Soonyoung asks. He turns his entire body to give Wonwoo his full attention. Wonwoo just blinks at him and then looks off to the side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My brother knows. But definitely not my mom and dad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” he thinks about what to say next. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not as if Soonyoung has ever experienced what Wonwoo has. Back when he was little, his parents had always made a point to explain that gay people existed and that they accepted and supported them. When Soonyoung told them he liked guys, it wasn’t some big serious conversation. Soonyoung mentioned something about Wen Junhui in passing a few years later after meeting him and his mom continued the conversation like Soonyoung was commenting on the weather.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo smiles, closed lipped. “I mean. It’s...fine. I’ll tell them eventually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean...it’s up to you. How...when...ever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo nods in acknowledgement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I’ll be there for you, you know. When or if you want me to be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He means it, what he says. Soonyoung can’t think of another person that isn’t blood related to Wonwoo that would have any better idea of how his parents could react, how serious of an undertaking it would be for Wonwoo. Wonwoo must know this fact of life too, based on how uncharacteristically soft his eyes go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Soonyoung,” he says seriously. Soonyoung smiles at him and Wonwoo shifts on his feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When did you figure it out?” Soonyoung asks out of curiosity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung was exceptionally lucky. He figured out he was gay pretty early on compared to others. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin told him that he didn’t figure it out until he was seventeen and kissed a boy during spin the bottle. The continuation of that story was that Seokmin’s then-girlfriend broke up with him and that same boy and Seokmin spent the whole summer after high school hooking up in his car. Soonyoung always felt a little jealous about that part. Seokmin would get shy and blushy if you brought it up - which Jeonghan loved to do, especially the story about the time a cop caught Seokmin mid-blowjob.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s never talked about this before. Soonyoung learned that Wonwoo liked guys at the same time everyone else did - when Wonwoo and Mingyu started dating and everyone became obsessed with their relationship. He heard through the grapevine that Wonwoo Jeon was bisexual and nobody was more surprised than Soonyoung.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo huffs and widens his eyes at the floor. “Well…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well?” Soonyoung says expectantly, leaning down and trying to find his eyes again. Wonwoo glances up at him and then looks away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung gapes. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo crosses his arms over his chest. “When we um...kissed? The first one. By the river.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The one </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> wrote to you about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo nods and then pushes his glasses up on his nose. “Before that I never really considered that I could like guys too. It confused the hell out of me...liking you. I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> figure it out until last year when I saw Mingyu for the first time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s hot I don’t blame you,” Soonyoung nods wisely. “Wait…” He lets Wonwoo’s words sink in and the metaphorical egg timer goes off. “You liked me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, Soonyoung is sixteen again, feeling like he’s floating up to the glow-in-the-dark star covered ceiling and bumping his head. He can feel himself smiling like a lunatic, even though it doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> matter because neither of them are sixteen anymore and this declaration affects virtually nothing about the present situation. Soonyoung doesn’t have feelings for him now, so it really shouldn’t be making him feel so stupidly giddy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, Wonwoo cracks an uneven smile. “Yeah?” he says. “I figured you had like...put two and two together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sometimes you have to spell things out for me, dude. You know that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, well…” Wonwoo sighs with exasperation. “You were the first guy I ever had feelings for. After we kissed I kept googling stuff like </span>
  <em>
    <span>if you kiss a guy and like it does that make you gay?</span>
  </em>
  <span> You drove me crazy for months.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung imagines, for a brief interlude, an alternate universe where Wonwoo had admitted those feelings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s the same as the normal timeline except the days they went to the movies that summer were dates, not just excuses to get out of the heat. That Fourth of July when they went to the church barbecue and Wonwoo’s lips were stained cherry popsicle red, Soonyoung had been able to kiss him like he wanted to. Maybe in the storage closet when they were stacking up chairs for their moms, maybe when they were both lighting sparklers in the parking lot and Wonwoo checked Soonyoung’s thumb after he burnt it with a lighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sixteen-into-seventeen year old Soonyoung would have given his right lung for those experiences. And it would have probably saved them </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> the struggle of having to share a bed during sleepovers - and ostensibly </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> of them not wanting to be the one to make it weird by suggesting they don’t share a bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should have told me,” Sooynoung laughs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was pretty in denial about it,” Wonwoo says. “And </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> could have told </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He has a point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I thought you were straight. And that was the point of writing the letter. I wrote it all out and then I got over it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got over it, too,” Wonwoo admits. “Eventually. I honestly thought it was a fluke. Like maybe it was a phase.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And then Mingyu?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And then Mingyu,” Wonwoo agrees. He sighs and sits on Soonyoung’s bed. Soonyoung follows him and scoots back until both of their backs are flat against the wall, crinkling the SHINee posters. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’ve talked about their broken hearts, so Wonwoo doesn’t have to restate anything to expand on what “</span>
  <em>
    <span>and then Mingyu” </span>
  </em>
  <span>means. Soonyoung watches Wonwoo’s face go pensive as he gets lost in his own thoughts. Not the heartbroken, sad, mangled up face. The face Wonwoo is making is all dreamy, angled up from the way he rests his head against the wall and silhouetted by the light coming in from the window.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks at him out of the corner of his eyes and smirks. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung kicks his toes against Wonwoo’s shin. “You’re the one making a goofy face. What are you thinking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just…” Wonwoo readjusts himself to sit more upright against the wall. “I’m glad we’re friends again. Kind of...an untraditional way to continue a friendship, but it’s nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Soonyoung says, a little dumbstruck by the admission. He was expecting Wonwoo to say something about Mingyu. Not about him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Soonyoung adds honestly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He missed Wonwoo all the time. Not every day, but in passing. When he thought about particular memories or told old stories or a certain song came on the radio. Now, when he thinks of old memories, he can just text Wonwoo. Or call him. Even though Wonwoo hates talking on the phone, he always picks up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe one day we’ll have a good laugh about this one,” Soonyoung laughs. “I can tell my kids about that time in college where I pretended I was Uncle Wonwoo’s boyfriend for a couple months.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs, too. “Please don’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right,” Soonyoung nods. “Can’t anyways. It’s in the rules that nobody ever knows it was fake.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope,” Wonwoo agrees.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay last of the update! I promise more will be coming very soon!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Mid-November means most of the magic of Fall is gone and all that’s left are bald trees and an almost laughable amount of rain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So much rain, that it’s nearly impossible to walk around without an umbrella - which Soonyoung refuses to carry out Portland-based pride. He makes the split second decision not to attempt the walk back to his apartment after a Saturday in one of the dance practice rooms. Instead, he goes to Wonwoo’s house because it’s closer and warmer </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> he can convince Wonwoo to drive him to his apartment before he needs to get changed for the party later. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stops by so often that he doesn’t bother knocking anymore. When he hurries inside, he finds Jihyo, Seungcheol, and Wonwoo crowded around their laptops at one of the tables in the living room. Jeongyeon and Hansol pop their heads up from the couch. They’re the only ones to actually acknowledge Soonyoung.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi guys,” Soonyoung waves. He kicks his shoes into the pile on the landing and walks up the stairs to the living room. “Hi Wonwoo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Wonwoo calls distractedly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hansol offers his hand for Soonyoung to slap in greeting and Jeongyeon waves. “They’re busy,” she explains. On the TV, her and Hansol are watching some food network Thanksgiving themed baking challenge show.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Studying?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hansol laughs. “No. LoL.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, dude,” Hansol laughs even harder. “League of Legends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He vaguely remembers Wonwoo mentioning something about it once. Jihyo, too. He wasn’t aware that they played together. Jihyo mutters out commands from behind her screen and Wonwoo looks like he’s in Gamer Mode. Soonyoung tries not to bother him when he’s like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cool,” Soonyoung nods. “I’m gonna shower,” he announces to nobody in particular. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he does just that, using Wonwoo’s shampoo and even his deodorant once he’s out. He digs out a pair of Wonwoo’s sweatpants and rolls the waistband twice so he doesn’t step on the hem lines, and takes one of Wonwoo’s sweatshirts from the tiny closet. All out of necessity, because his own clothes are wetter than he realized and Wonwoo’s clothes are somehow more comfortable than his own. Probably because Wonwoo buys everything at least a size too big.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s about to head back upstairs when his phone rings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mental math it takes to figure out the time difference between Seoul and Portland is impossible no matter how many times Jeonghan has explained it. But he at the very least knows that it’s the middle of the night in Korea, and it makes next to no sense why Jeonghan would be asking to FaceTime.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t see Jeonghan’s face on screen at first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the video connects, all he can see is the plain wall of Jeonghan’s dorm room and all he can hear is the sound of heavy breathing on the other end. His stomach lurches. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hannie?” he asks carefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan turns the phone and Soonyoung can finally see his face, half obscured by a pillowcase that’s all discolored and wet. It takes a stupidly long time to piece together that the pillow is wet because Jeonghan is crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit,” he whispers. “Jeonghan, what happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung legs fold under him until he falls ass-first on Wonwoo’s bed. Jeonnghan rubs at one of his eyes with his free hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I fucked up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit,” Soonyoung exhales. “What did you do? Are you in trouble with the school?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan pulls his blanket up on his shoulder and shakes his head. “No. Not here. Before I left.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In all the times that Jeonghan has video chatted, or called, or texted before, he’s only brought up the break up once. Way back at the beginning of the term, when he asked how Seokmin was doing and Soonyoung and Seungkwan couldn’t give him an answer. Soonyoung has </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to talk about it, but Jeonghan is skilled in evasive maneuvers and getting everyone else to talk more about </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> feelings rather than his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leaving Portland?” Soonyoung asks, trying not to be so blunt about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s eyebrows crease. “Yeah…and...you know...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes Jeonghan </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>talk about how he’s feeling, but only on his own terms and never all at once. Seokmin told Soonyoung one time, back when he first started dating Jeonghan, that Jeonghan got frustrated with Seokmin’s ability to get him to tell all his deepest secrets. Like Wonder Woman’s lasso of truth of something. Soonyoung had said </span>
  <em>
    <span>I think it’s just your face, you have a trustable face</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Seokmin had laughed, but Soonyoung had been genuinely surprised </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> had the ability to crack the walnut that was Jeonghan’s inner-psyche. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It must be weird to have been so vulnerable with one person like that. Just the one. And then not have them anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The chat is quiet for a couple seconds and then Jeonghan says, “I heard from Mina yesterday. She said that Seokmin isn’t doing very well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung swallows around the anxiety-formed knot in his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan continues, “I shouldn’t have asked the specifics probably. But I got worried. And that only made it worse...knowing how bad it is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s definitely not good,” Soonyoung says honestly. Whether </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>has any part to play in how bad Seokmin has gotten is not something he’s ready or willing to admit to Jeonghan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung, I feel like I ruined his whole life,” Jeonghan says around a bitter laugh. “I thought he’d bounce back. Like he’s hot, he should fucked at least ten people by now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well have </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have I what?” Jeonghan scowls.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucked ten people by now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s lips scrunch up and he doesn’t say anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung says it before he has time to think it through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you still love him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s face crumbles for the tiniest moment before he catches himself. His voice is so small when he says. “Yeah...I do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung takes careful consideration of what to say next. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He chalks it up to Wonwoo’s energy - smelling like Wonwoo, being dressed like Wonwoo, sitting in Wonwoo’s bed. It’s a very WWWJD (What Would Wonwoo Jeon Do?) moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he thinks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thinks about his own part to play in this - how that letter got sent to Seokmin and probably made things worse. He thinks about how Jeonghan did something monumentally stupid by breaking up with somebody he loves - potentially because he is scared of commitment. He thinks that, still, after all this, telling Jeonghan the truth about his feelings for Seokmin would only make things worse. And they’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>already</span>
  </em>
  <span> gotten worse. Jeonghan has very clearly gotten worse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But before he can say anything Jeonghan sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve gotta go, Soonie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soonyoung says weakly. “That’s okay. Will you call me soon though?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan nods. “Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Soonyoung says. “And I miss you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan just gives him a pacifying smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too, Soonie.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Art Kid Parties are different from Frat parties in two distinct ways. One, the obligatory guy at the party with an acoustic guitar actually knows more than three songs. Two, there’s more craft beer involved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The latter is a good thing for Wonwoo. He kind of blends in with the crowd in the kitchen more than he does at his own house. He’s not the only one wearing that Grandpa style of glasses, and he’s also not the only one in combat boots. Sooonyoung is just </span>
  <em>
    <span>waiting</span>
  </em>
  <span> for somebody to hit on him at this point. People keep looking him up and down as they walk by in a way that makes Soonyoung weirdly proud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re in some house off Mississippi Ave. Soonyoung isn’t really sure who lives there aside from the one senior Music student who had invited them, and he only recognizes about half of the people there as other people from school. Regardless, they’re using it as an excuse to celebrate Momo’s birthday a few days late.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo wasn’t actually obligated to come. There’s nothing in the rules about it. But still, he came, and he’s standing with the rest of their group as Sana gives a long-winded toast to Momo and her talent and her beauty and all of the good things about Momo that everyone agrees with. Sana ends it with a fat kiss on Momo’s cheek that makes her blush and then proceeds to tip the bottom of Momo’s cup so she’s required to finish the whole drink in one go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone cheers her on as she chugs. Even Wonwoo, who claps when she’s done.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s nice how much Wonwoo blends in now. He talks loud and he laughs loud, nudging his way into debates and conversations he’d usually be too quiet to join. They’re still doing the fake dating thing, sure - Wonwoo stands incredibly close to him, occasionally putting an arm around Soonyoung to rest on the countertop behind Soonyoung’s back - but now they’re also Confirmed Friends Again. When this is all over, and he and Wonwoo “break up”, they’ll stay friends and all their friends will stay friends and it’ll be super fucking cool.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all take three shots of whiskey - </span>
  <em>
    <span>ew, why</span>
  </em>
  <span> - in celebration of Momo’s birth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t think about the Jeonghan thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some guy is playing this trippy Purity Ring mixed with Porter Robinson song and mostly everyone has split up to different parts of the party. Seungkwan is talking to this sophomore dance major and putting the moves on him. Dahyun, Sana, and Jihyo are loud enough that Soonyoung can hear them </span>
  <em>
    <span>somewhere</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the house. Momo is talking to some girl Soonyoung has never seen and letting her try on her cute Birthday Girl headband. Wonwoo and Jihoon went off to get more alcohol and leave Chae and Tzuyu in the kitchen with Soonyoung until Soonyoung decides he has to pee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung is having fun. So, yeah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinking about the Jeonghan thing isn’t that difficult. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s just enjoying himself, feeling the music, talking to his friends, celebrating one of his favorite people’s birthdays. Pointedly not thinking about Jeonghan and Seokmin. Seokmin, and Jeonghan, and their relationship that shouldn’t have ended. Or thinking about the fact that Jeonghan was miserable. Or that he was 5000 miles away. Or the fact that he couldn’t do anything about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sees him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There are scenes in movies sometimes where the main character is on a dancefloor and suddenly everything goes into slow motion. The crowd starts to part as the camera gets focused on somebody far away. Then, there’s a perfect shot: another character, moving in slow-mo, dancing for a few seconds with a smile on their face until they turn and face the camera and make “eye contact” with the other character on the other side of the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That sort of happens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin is with Minghao and Mingyu, and they must have helped him get dressed because he looks sexier than normal. His hair is swept back off his forehead and everything looks way too tight for Seokmin to have actually picked it out. He looks happy for a second, laughing amongst the crowd in the living room at the party - like not even remotely as miserable as everyone says he’s been - but then he sees Soonyoung and that smile goes out like a light.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin doesn’t look mad, per se. Minghao definitely looks offended, but Seokmin...just looks sad. He stares at Soonyoung with wide eyes. Minghao whispers something in his ear and Mingyu rubs his back, but Seokmin shakes them both off. He takes one step towards Soonyoung.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Retrospectively, running off again is probably the worst thing Soonyoung could do. He doesn’t know anything about the layout of the house. So he immediately ends up at a dead end hallway and has to double back the way he came to get to the kitchen where Wonwoo is probably trying to find where he went. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin is standing there when Soonyoung rounds the corner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they met the very first time, it was sort of like this moment. They actually were both waiting for the bathroom. Seokmin is chattier when he’s drunk - so with it being one of the first times he’d ever drank - introduced himself to Soonyoung immediately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung was practically salivating over him. He was just such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Really broad and cute and a little bit lost looking - like he was waiting for Soonyoung to react first to things to test the waters. He laughed way too loud when Soonyoung made a joke about having to pee all the time when he drank, and he was all smiles when Soonyoung asked him to dance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that smile is at like seventy-percent. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Seokmin pushes off the wall he’s leaning on and shoving his phone in his pocket. “I...uh...I was just texting you. I wanted to...y’know...talk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the other side of the wall, the music is loud. Seokmin steps a little close so he doesn’t have to yell. It’s been months since he’s been so close to Seokmin. He still smells the same. It’s a weird thing to notice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk,” he repeats weakly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, talk,” Seokmin says. “About what you said to me in that letter.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung feels like he’s falling out of a plane. Never </span>
  <em>
    <span>once</span>
  </em>
  <span> did he ever get close to admitting his feelings to Seokmin. Even in all the times before where he would love at him and feel like he’d been stabbed in the chest with just how much his heart </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell him. He never </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> considered it. Not even once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Which means, he never considered what Seokmin’s face would look like post-confession. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin’s eyebrows are kind of scrunched up like he’s in pain and his eyes are wide and pleading in a way Soonyoung has never, ever seen before. He looks hurt and confused. Like he’s waiting for Soonyoung to give him an answer. But a little brave at the same time. Like he’s been working up the courage to explain his feelings in return.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung is a coward. He hasn’t gotten that courage yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should actually…Wonwoo is probably looking for me,” Soonyoung lies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you guys are like…” Seokmin outright scowls. “Together, then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Soonyoung tries again, a little more convincing this time, “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin’s eyes look like marbles, glossy and wide. “I’m just really con --”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Soonie,” Wonwoo says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank fucking god.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He steps right between Soonyoung and Seokmin, and then he comes up to Soonyoung’s side. Soonyoung has never felt more relieved to see Wonwoo or his big, stupid buff arm coming up to pull Soonyoung into him. The arm he puts around Soonyoung’s waist makes him feel like he’s not in freefall anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung sighs and Wonwoo taps on his hip twice before he tips Soonyoung’s chin upwards with his free hand and pecks him on the lips. It’s dry and quick, but no less convincing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin looks between them, genuinely confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You good?” Wonwoo asks. He hasn’t let go of Soonyoung’s chin and the way he’s looking at Soonyoung makes it a little hard to focus on anything else. Wonwoo can be intense when he wants to be, but most of all when he’s worried about somebody. This is Wonwoo in protective mode.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung nods and smiles. “Yeah. Yeah totally.” He kisses Wonwoo on the lips again and then turns to Seokmin. “Wonwoo, you know Seokmin right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives Seokmin a one-corner-of-the-mouth smile. “Not really. Hey, Seokmin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin still looks completely thrown off by the two of them actually together. Which was the point of all of this. Tricking him. He gives Wonwoo a half-assed smile and Soonyoung fists a hand into Wonwoo’s shirt like a silent plea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Wonwoo says, getting the signal. “There’s this guy me and Jihoon met. I want you to meet him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Soonyoung says. “Okay, sure. Um...it was good...seeing you, Seok.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seokmin looks like he’s been slapped in the face. Soonyoung doesn’t have the psychology background to figure out the complexity to that hurt. All he knows is that it’s his fault.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As it turns out, there’s no guy Wonwoo wants him to meet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead they pull the old Irish goodbye and Wonwoo takes him home. Which is good. Wonwoo has always been the smart one. He practically drags Soonyoung out to the curb by the hand, and he doesn’t let go until he’s got Soonyoung inside Soonyoung’s apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung lets himself do something that he probably should have done weeks ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cries. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo has seen him cry about a hundred times before. The worst of which was when he broke his arm in ninth grade trying to use his sister’s penny board in their driveway. He’s not sure if that situation is better or worse than the current one. There’s probably less screaming involved now, but definitely more snot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung lets Wonwoo pull him into a hug on the futon. They sit like that for a bit. Soonyoung cries a wet spot into Wonwoo’s shirt and Wonwoo doesn’t seem to care. He rubs Soonyoung’s back, pulls him closer, and then when he finally leans away, he rubs the snot off Soonyoung’s nose with the edge of his flannel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Soonyoung says sheepishly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo just shrugs before he takes off the flannel. “It’s okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In hindsight, Soonyoung has been pretty good about compartmentalizing all of this. A few months ago, if he was going through anything remotely difficult, he would have talked to Jeonghan about it. But now Jeonghan is gone, and Jeonghan is unpredictable enough to potentially never come back, and even </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> now that he thinks he ruined Seokmin’s life. Soonyoung is </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s scared because he misses Jeonghan and he’s scared because Jeonghan will hate him for having feelings for his boyfriend for a year. He’s scared because if he doesn’t step in and tell Jeonghan to come home and fix it with Seokmin, he might never get a chance to, but the only thing stopping him from doing that is the fact that Jeonghan would find out about the letter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then there’s Seokmin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the party, being so close to him and hearing him speak for the first time in weeks, felt like ripping off a bandaid and finding out the cut underneath is still bleeding. It’s not just all the L-word feelings, as horrible and painful as those are to deal with, it’s the fact that he misses his friend. Better yet, that he’s ruined the friendship with that friend by falling in love with him. Nothing will ever be the same with them. Nothing he can ever say to him will make those feelings any less real. And nothing - </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> - he can do will help Seokmin get over the break up, because his help is not wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s really, really overwhelming. He misses his friends and they’re sad and there’s nothing Soonyoung can do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo squeezes Soonyoung’s shoulder and it pulls him out of his thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk to me, goose,” Wonwoo says with a small smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goose?” Soonyoung sniffles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you’ve seen Top Gun. We watched it together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that the one with the banger soundtrack?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs and then scoots his butt on the futon so him and Soonyoung are hip to hip. “Talk to me, Soonyoung,” he says, this time barely above a whisper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung leans his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder. “This sucks,” he says quietly. “All of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Wonwoo twines their hands together. “I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s not sure if there’s some Vulcan mind meld happening between their palms, but Soonyoung feels like somebody pulled a cork out of him the second he has Wownoo’s hand in his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seokmin had his heart broken and the last thing needed was me telling him about my feelings. Cause now, we can’t even hold a conversation. I wish I could just tell him the letter was a joke, but it wasn’t. And even if we </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>become friends again, it’ll never be how it used to be because even if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> say the letter is a lie, I won’t stop having feelings for him,” he pauses for a breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And then Jeonghan,” he continues. “Jeonghan called me earlier. He was crying. He said he knew he messed up and he knew how bad Seokmin was taking the break up and he told me that he still loved him. A-and I couldn’t even help him. Because I was so worried he’d find out about the letter and my feelings for Seokmin. Which like...I’m not even good at figuring out what the fuck to say in those situations anyways.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that why you were acting weird earlier? Cause of Jeonghan calling?” Wonwoo says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung looks up at him through the corner of his eye. “I was acting weird?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, like, off. I could tell something was off.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo nods and then traces a circle over and over on the back of Soonyoung’s hand with his thumb. “The Seokmin thing,” he says. “Do you still have feelings for him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung takes a moment of reflection, but his body feels so stuffed full of other feelings that he can’t put his thumb on anything that feels like love. Still, it wasn’t just about seeing Seokmin or having a five minute conversation with him. It was all the other stuff that made him have feelings for Seokmin. Little weird things like when he would laugh so hard no sound came out and how he could recite almost all of the Tsunade arc of Naruto word for word. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think so,” he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo is quiet for a long time and then he says, “Do you think you’ll ever want to act on them?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung shakes his head immediately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Wonwoo sighs. “It’ll go away. The feelings. With time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s been a year of Seokmin being in love with somebody else. A few months of him being single and not talking to Soonyoung anymore. If Soonyoung’s feels still stuck around through all of that, he can’t really imagine what it’ll take to make him not have them anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are they going away with Mingyu?” he asks, looking for some advice from somebody who’s lived heartbreak already.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Wonwoo says softly. “A bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For comfortability sake, they reconfigure themselves laying down on the futon. Wonwoo doesn’t negotiate staying the night because it’s pretty clear Soonyoung doesn’t want to be alone based on the way he attaches himself to Wonwoo’s side under the covers. It makes him feel less like crying out of frustration if he has Wonwoo’s bony hip poking him in the stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Wonwoo says eventually. “When you’re feeling shitty like this, you don’t have to keep it a secret.” He turns his head on the pillow and looks Soonyoung in the eye. “You don’t have to do it all alone. I’m here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s probably because he’s already emotionally raw, but the offer makes Soonyoung’s heart feel like minced meat. “Same goes for you,” he says. “We should make an addendum to the rules. No secrets. No secret emotions that lead to an emotional breakdown.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Wonwoo says, looking at the ceiling again and laughing through his nose. “No secrets.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah, yeah that league of legends joke is low hanging fruit but *seungkwan voice* I'm not a comedian</p>
<p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiiiiiiiiii. If you follow me on a twitter you know that I promised this update three days in a row, but now it's finally here! These three chapters went through an absolutely stupid amount of rewrites. Later on down the line, I think I might post the cut scenes on dreamwidth (there are A LOT of scenes that were scrapped and rewritten from the ground up).</p><p>NOTE: I did update the final chapter count to 15 instead of 14. The reason being that this chapter and the one that follows used to be on big giant chapter and it was way, way too much (almost 10,000 words yikes). </p><p>Warning: this chapter is NSFW</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Back when they laid out their rules, and Soonyoung had agreed to spend the weekend at a cabin with Wonwoo and his fraternity brothers, he didn’t expect to be fake-dating Wonwoo anymore by the time it rolled around. They’d agreed after the quote on quote “incident” on Halloween that it would be necessary because of Minghao coming along with Mingyu. A fact which made Soonyoung increasingly nervous after he’d blown Seokmin off at the party a few weeks before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when it comes to the day they leave, it’s more a well-earned vacation than a necessity. Now it’s Operation Get Soonyoung The Fuck Out Of Portland rather than item number nine on the list of rules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Between everything that has happened with Jeonghan and Seokmin, the packed courseload of the term catching up to him as finals are getting closer, and all the preparation Soonyoung is making for the showcase at the end of the term, Soonyoung feels like a souffle with the air knocked out of it (yes, he has been watching more baking shows with Jeongyeon). He needs to get out of town for a while. Wonwoo does too considering he spends more time writing essays at Soonyoung’s dining room table than does sleeping - or showering, or eating, or any other basic human necessity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo picks him up on the Friday before Thanksgiving, by leaning against his jeep parked outside of Soonyoung’s building. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since he’d come to terms with the fact that he found Wonwoo attractive, he gets these sledgehammer-to-the-head moments of noticing how unreasonably hot Wonwoo is without Wonwoo even trying. Like right now, Wonwoo has on a turtleneck that’s a size too small and it shows off his ridiculously broad chest. When he pushes off the door of his jeep to stand up straight, his big, dorky smile makes Soonyoung nearly trip down the stairs of his apartment building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moments are more like intrusive thoughts that pass quickly enough. The so-called sexiness that Wonwoo has is </span>
  <em>
    <span>easily </span>
  </em>
  <span>counteracted by his big ears sticking out of his beanie and the fact that Soonyoung doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> find him attractive past the point of his bone structure and waist-to-shoulder ratio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everyone already up there?” Soonyoung asks as Wonwoo takes his duffle bag and shoves it into the backseat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Seungcheol said, and I quote, I don’t want to ride with you guys if you’re gonna be making out the whole time. But yeah, since you still have to teach your class tonight, they all took off around three.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that’s just physically impossible. Making out and driving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you can admit you don’t know how to multitask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They climb into the car and Soonyoung coerces Wonwoo into a few selfies for documentation purposes. Soonyoung still has to teach a class downtown, but after that they’ll be making the hour and a half long drive up the mountain. Despite how short the drive is, Wonwoo has stashed a bunch of snacks in the center console. Including the shrimp crackers that Wonwoo always used to say made Soonyoung’s breath smell like hamster food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For me?” Soonyoung asks him dreamily. “Dude, you care about me so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He means it. Like, yes, they’re shrimp crackers, but at the same time, it’s a really sweet gesture. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how many of these things you still liked, but I tried to get your favorites. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> since we’re gonna lose service I downloaded this playlist on spotify. It’s got the whole SHINee discography and the solos.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, so a </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>sweet gesture. Soonyoung’s face feels warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” he says dumbfounded. “Thanks, Wonwoo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives him a smile and then shakes his head. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s nothing. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> play Replay on repeat. I have limits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wonwoo. What do you want me to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, they compromise and play it six times in a row as they drive through Gresham. Wonwoo still remembers all the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cabin isn’t much to look at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sort of looks like a gingerbread house. The outside has brown shingles and a mint green trim around the roof. For some reason Soonyoung had imagined some decked out bachelor pad when Wonwoo said it belonged to an alumni. In reality, it’s just a cozy family cabin, smells like dust, and fits the fifteen frat guys on the trip like a clown car fits clowns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since most of the guys got there early, everyone is already decently drunk by the time they roll up to the house around nine P.M. Everybody is sitting around the big dining room table still finishing dinner and they cheer and clap when Wonwoo and Soonyoung walk in the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol hands them both beer from the kegs they’re keeping on the porch and Hansol pushes a la-z-boy from the living room over to the table so they have a place to sit. Whether it’s intentional or not, the way their shared chair is angled means they’re perfectly across the table from where Mingyu and Minghao are sitting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minghao pointedly does not look in their direction, but Soonyoung still feels uncomfortable. He dumps himself on the armrest and Wonwoo sits in the chair itself, and while they start eating dinner, the other guys go back to playing King’s Cup. Soonyoung takes the opportunity to whisper in Wonwoo’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gonna be okay?” Soonyoung asks, meaning the fact that Minghao is pulling a card from the table three feet from their faces. It’s a seven of clubs and everyone at the table shoots a hand up. Hansol is the last to do it and he makes a dramatic face of disappointment having to take a sip of his beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Wonwoo replies breezily. “You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Soonyoung says seriously. “New rule. No secrets. Remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was never made official.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A verbal agreement is still a viable contract.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re smarter than people give you credit for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung preens and then smacks Wonwoo’s arm. “Don’t try to flatter me to change the subject. Tell me the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good,” Wonwoo says with a genuine smile, tipping his head up to look at Soonyoung. “I’m good. I swear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Playing catch up to the level of insobriety of the rest of the group is more difficult than Soonyoung thought it would be. Without a real party, the guys are focusing their attention on drinking games instead. Soonyoung is a lightweight, sure, but the drinking games are slow going between all the talking. Everyone keeps getting distracted by how shitfaced they are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Soonyoung isn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>drunk</span>
  </em>
  <span> drunk, but he’s tipsy enough to have slipped down from the armrest to drape his legs across Wonwoo’s lap. Also, tipsy enough to regard the room full of guys with all the warm and fuzzies in his little heart even though they’re all loudly arguing over how they should change the rule for the four card in King’s Cup considering there aren’t any girls around. Thumbs on the table was apparently an unpopular substitute rule because Seungcheol kept losing at it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back home, Soonyoung spends enough time at the frat house that he could probably just get jumped in or whatever it is they do to initiate people, but here, he’s getting the full experience of “lifelong brotherhood”. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>like a weird little family of all boys. They cook and clean up and talk shit at the table like a bunch of real brothers would. Even Wonwoo, who talks to Seungcheol like he talks to his own blood related brother - which is to say, by fighting, but in a loving way. It’s cute. He understands more and more why Wonwoo joined in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He even starts to understand why Wonwoo liked Mingyu so much. Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mingyu is just naturally the center of the universe. He’s the loudest person ever, super hyped up about every game they play, and constantly climbing all over anyone who comes within arms reach. He’s funny too, and really charming, and really, really, really good looking. Wonwoo is a great looking guy but how he managed to score somebody that looks like an underwear model is completely beyond Soonyoung’s comprehension. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s crazy because Soonyoung is firmly Team Wonwoo, but Mingyu and Minghao are undeniably cute together. Mingyu has this really nice film camera at the table, but all he does with it is take pictures of Minghao striking a pose and then giggling. They’re not gross and PDA, but they do have a really subtle sort of affection. Like Minghao always watching Mingyu talk with hearts in his eyes, or Mingyu constantly fixing Minghao’s bangs, or the way Mingyu shouts when he’s talking to the group, but his voice goes all soft when he talks to Minghao.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s ironic. For somebody who acts all tsundere all the time, Wonwoo definitely used to be in love with a guy who wants the whole world to when he cares about somebody. As a matter of fact, a lot of Wonwoo’s friends - including Soonyoung - are touchy feely like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung, in particular, kind of a slut for physical affection. He likes to cuddle. Especially when he’s been drinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As kids, Wonwoo didn’t mind Soonyoung clinging to him, but when they first started their fake relationship, Soonyoung wasn’t sure where the line was on physical contact. Over the past month that line had become null and void. Some things were just a consequence of having to pretend to be in love with each other. Other things were not. Like how they would give each other reassuring touches behind closed doors. Or how Wonwoo shared a bed with him constantly and only grumbled a little bit when Soonyoung wanted to snuggle up to him (probably because Wonwoo was cold, but didn’t want to admit it because he hates admitting when Soonyoung is right). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it’s really not that weird for Soonyoung to be sitting in Wonwoo’s lap the way he is or that he’s been absently running his fingers through the short hair sticking out from under Wonwoo’s beanie. Wonwoo doesn’t seem to mind either considering he’s got one arm around Soonyoung’s back and doesn’t say anything about it for the better part of an hour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all super casual until it’s not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Between King’s Cup and the next game, Soonyoung stops touching Wonwoo’s hair. When Wonwoo looks up at him Soonyoung makes a kissy face and Wonwoo blatantly looks down at Soonyoung’s mouth </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> licks his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you stop?” Wonwoo asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s cheeks feel hot, but it’s probably because of the alcohol. He takes a sip of his beer, explicitly watching Wonwoo’s face over the rum of the cup. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels good when you touch my hair,” he replies. Like it’s obvious and Soonyoung should know. Which, like, yeah, but he didn’t expect Wonwoo to be pouting about Soonyoung not doing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung laughs and tugs Wonwoo’s beanie off his head. His hair is all static-y and Soonyoung attaches his fingers to Wonwoo’s head like it’s a brain-sucking alien. “Better?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hums and leans into it like a cat wanting to be scratched. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s surprising because Soonyoung hasn’t really seen Wonwoo drunk in this sort of scenario. It’s only ever been at a party, never in a setting where Wonwoo is sitting down and being relaxed. It turns out he’s pretty handsy. Soonyoung blames the beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s arm around Soonyoung’s back turns into a hand resting on the curve of his ass. The hand that Wonwoo is using to drink from his cup becomes the hand that he’s resting on Soonyoung’s thighs between sips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Soonyoung excuses himself to get more beer from the porch, Wonwoo immediately opens his arms and welcomes him back to his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Soonyoung tries to shift so he’s not ass-directly-in-crotch, Wonwoo tells him to stop squirming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Wonwoo laughs, he tucks his forehead against Soonyoung’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he whispers in Soonyoung’s ear, he gets close enough for his lips to touch Soonyoung’s ear lobe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he keeps squeezing Soonyoung’s thighs, all Soonyoung can hear in his head is Wonwoo a few weeks ago saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>love these</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung decides that it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Wonwoo is more comfortable or he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. It’s super fucking deliberate. Wonwoo is flirting with him. Or at least something </span>
  <em>
    <span>close</span>
  </em>
  <span> to flirting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is there a word for flirting when your intentions aren’t romantic?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>also </span>
  </em>
  <span>a crossroads. A fork in the road. Two paths diverging in the wood or whatever that poem is. Soonyoung can either lean into this vibe being established </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span> he can chill the fuck out. One side of his brain says </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo is so hot and you’re getting horny</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The other side says </span>
  <em>
    <span>dude this isn’t real, you’re not really together</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group starts to quiet down as some of the guys taper off to go to bed. Those that stay up decide to switch to playing poker, which Soonyoung has </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea how to play and </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> interest in learning. Seungcheol tells him that he probably wouldn’t have a good poker face anyways, which is funnier than Seungcheol realizes given the current situation of him sitting in his best friend’s lap pretending to be in love with him all while pretending </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be turned on by him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Said best friend doesn’t move to sit anywhere but the la-z-boy they’re snuggled into despite some seats opening up. Instead, he quietly plays texas hold ‘em with his right hand making occasional dips in between Soonyoung’s thighs after he folds. Soonyoung could move to sit somewhere else, or do something other than laughing in Wonwoo’s ear and spreading his legs a little wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except he doesn’t do anything else and Wonwoo takes Soonyoung spreading his legs as an invitation to move his hand higher up along his inner thigh. When Soonyoung’s breath hitches, he swears that Wonwoo’s grips a little tighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo is flat out feeling him up in front of their friends and his ex-boyfriend. And Soonyoung wants him to. Soonyoung’s fucking lizard brain finds that particular fact even hotter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, yeah, horny brain wins. Path decided. Full speed ahead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung reaches up to scratch at the hair on the back of Wonwoo’s neck again, leaning in unnecessarily close to look at Wonwoo’s cards over his shoulder. Soonyoung gets a little bold and traps some of Wonwoo’s hair between the webs of his fingers and tugs. Wonwoo </span>
  <em>
    <span>gasps</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s quiet, but it’s noticeable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody is paying much attention to it, because they’re focused on the game or on their own conversation. That’s a good thing because Soonyoung feels like he’s on literal fucking fire. He keeps trying his best to participate in whatever they’re talking about, especially when Joshua Hong singles him out with a question to make sure he’s being included.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol and Mingyu are arguing over how to split the pot when Wonwoo whispers in Soonyoung’s ear, “My legs are falling asleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> be the opportunity for Soonyoung to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>cool, roger that, I’ll move to my own chair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But there are crystal clear signals being thrown around right now. That, and he’s had around six cups of Budweiser over the course of four hours and that has rendered his impulse control down to about zero point zero zero one percent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I might head upstairs. Y’know...for bed...” he says slowly. He wraps his arms around the back of Wonwoo’s neck and leans back enough to look Wonwoo in the eye. Pointedly. Like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>come to bed with me right now or I’ll pop like a fucking balloon.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gets the memo because he glances down at Soonyoung’s mouth. “Okay,” he says, strained. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung climbs out of his lap and Wonwoo stands up immediately after him. He turns to the group and announces, “I think we’re gonna head to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mingyu glances up and Soonyoung makes eye contact with him. He smirks like he’s in on what they’re doing, but Soonyoung gets distracted by Wonwoo taking his hand and lacing their fingers together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude!” Seungcheol shouts. “We’re in the middle of the hand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can have my chips,” Wownoo offers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quitter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired of losing money to Joshua,” Wonwoo rolls his eyes. Joshua Hong sits up straighter in his chair and theatrically lines up his mountain of chips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Seungcheol snorts. “That’s the only reason. Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung laughs as Wonwoo leads them towards the stairs. He turns back to Seungcheol with a grin. “Well you know what they say. You gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold em.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And know when to walk away when you’re about to get laid?” Seungcheol shouts after them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is, as it turns out, about to get laid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo and Sooonyoung get their own private bedroom with a quilted, full-sized bed and a big window. They were given their own room as opposed to a bunk bed in one of the shared bedrooms for obvious Boyfriend Reasons. Those reasons made sense. Nobody wanted to have them in one of the bunk rooms if they were going to be fooling around in the middle of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just that Soonyoung </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> expected them to be fooling around in the middle of the night, is the thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Wonwoo pulls them inside, Soonyoung kisses him. They hardly even get the bedroom door closed, because Wonwoo lets go of the knob to grab at Soonyoung’s waist. Soonyoung who kicks it shut and Wonwoo lets Soonyoung back him up against it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo abandons his hips to hold his cheeks, cupping them just a little bit too hard when he holds Soonyoung’s mouth open and licks inside. Soonyoung shudders, because it feels really, really good that Wonwoo is bigger and stronger and wants to kiss him like this, all slow and heavy. It doesn’t matter that Wonwoo tastes like Budweiser, or that Wonwoo’s glasses are in the way. Wonwoo groans when he licks over Soonyoung’s tongue and Soonyoung feels like his knees might give out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you’re cool with this?” he asks against Wonwoo’s lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last time something like this happened, Soonyoung probably had a medically dangerous BAC. Now he’s definitely less drunk. Just on the fun side of tipsy. He’s completely aware of what he’s doing. He just wants to make sure that Wonwoo knows, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo rests his head back against the door and looks down at Soonyoung with half-lidded eyes. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to get you upstairs for an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not what he was expecting to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, the one bed thing might have been awkward. Drinking all weekend, sharing a bed, everyone thinking that they’re probably hooking up in it. Now, they fall into it half-dressed and laughing because Soonyoung can’t get his pants off and Wonwoo thinks it’s hysterical. Soonyoung curses as Wonwoo takes off his glasses and sets them aside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy,” Wonwoo chides, scrunching up his nose. “You’re gonna kick me in the head.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He helps Soonyoung the rest of the way. And all of the sudden they’re under a blanket somebody’s grandma probably knitted, wearing just their underwear, making out so much that Soonyoung’s lips are getting swollen. He definitely can’t forget about the fact that Wonwoo has become such a good kisser, but he can apparently be stunned by it every single time. Wonwoo is slotted between Soonyoung’s legs, taking his time like he did at the Halloween party, kissing Soonyoung the way </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>wants to kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which evidently means attaching his mouth to Soonyoung’s neck like a fucking vampire. It makes Soonyoung’s head spin. He’s always been a little more sensitive on the sides of his neck and Wonwoo apparently catches on to that particular fact after two whole seconds of having his mouth there. The guy’s smart, but he’s also kind of an asshole. Wonwoo keeps giving the sloppiest kisses to this one spot just under his ear like he’s happy it makes Soonyoung twitch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Soonyoung manages to say. “Please put me out of my misery?” He grinds his hips upwards, right against where Wonwoo is hard, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo groans, nodding his head frantically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still takes his sweet fucking time to get down there. At first Soonyoung is prepared to tell him to hurry up - he gets antsy, sue him - but then he gets completely sidetracked by Wonwoo trailing kisses down his chest. One over his sternum, over his nipples, down the center of his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gets onto his stomach and watches Soonyoung’s face as he kisses up the insides of his thighs. He’s ticklish there, so he keeps wriggling around and hissing through his teeth, but Wonwoo doesn’t stop. He keeps glancing upwards when Soonyoung makes a noise of approval, or when he pulls of Soonyoung’s boxer briefs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t go for Soonyoung’s dick, even though it’s definitely out and definitely hard. He spends more time touching Soonyoung everywhere else he can reach with his hands and mouth. Kissing his hip bones and his belly, dragging his nails down the outsides of his thighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It ‘s really, really, insanely, mind-numbingly hot. He loves that Wonwoo keeps looking, that his eyes get all sharp when Soonyoung whines as he takes Soonyoung’s cock in his hand. There’s probably some psychology behind it. Soonyoung is a natural born performer or something. All he knows is that whenever Wonwoo makes eye contact with him it makes his heart skip - thud in his chest like somebody hitting a big drum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sighs, closing his eyes. “I’m so hard I think I’m gonna die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drama queen.” Wonwoo smiles at him and then drags his tongue up the side of Soonyoung’s cock. Even though Wonwoo is down there, Soonyoung hadn’t expected him to go down on </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>and the surprise of it makes it feel like his brain is liquefying. He grabs fistfulls of Wonwoo’s hair and pulls even harder when Wonwoo hisses and sinks down on him with his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, like, Soonyoung used to think Seokmin was the best at giving head, but Wonwoo is apparently coming for the championship title belt. He’s not sure what the fuck Wonwoo got up to with Mingyu last year, but if Soonyoung has Mingyu to thank for Wonwoo being this good at sucking dick he should probably buy the guy a thank you card. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wish we could...</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>...wish you could...” Soonyoung babbles. He looks back down and Wonwoo is still looking at him. He pulls off his dick and smiles all sly .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wish we could </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” he asks hoarsely. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> his voice sounds like that because he’d just has Soonyoung’s cock in his mouth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant that ‘fuck’ as an expletive, but yeah. That too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you being serious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm,” Soonyoung groans. He squirms and tries to buck his hips up into Wonwoo’s fist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought...stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah like...condoms. Lube.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sits up on his elbows. “Wonwoo Jeon did you think you were gonna bang me this weekend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bang</span>
  </em>
  <span> you?” Wonwoo blanches. “Jesus, I was just trying to come prepared.” He motions to Soonyoung’s dick in his hand. “Clearly I was right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soonyoung says. He gets a little caught up in the visual of Wonwo’s hand around him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck his hands are big</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Okay...yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung exhales like he’s out of breath. “What do you say Tyra Banks? You wanna be on top?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo groans with embarrassment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still ends up laying by Soonyoung’s side on the bed, kissing him while he slides his fingers between his legs. Soonyoung feels his stomach clench up out of nervousness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like this is...a big deal. He’s going to have sex with Wonwoo. His best friend. And they’re both relatively sober enough to realize exactly what they’re doing. Soonyoung doesn’t even notice he’s scrunching up his eyebrows until Wonwoo knocks their foreheads together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Wonwoo whispers. “You’re not too drunk right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I’m good, I just..” Soonyoung whispers back.  “Just like...woah we’re doing this. You’re gonna fuck me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s face is still serious, but something twinkles in his eyes at that last sentence. “Do you want me to though?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Soonyoung says adamantly. “Like a lot. Like...like so, so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His whole body seizes up when Wonwoo presses a finger inside him. Wonwoo kisses him through it, leaning back every so often to look him in the eye and check that he’s okay. Then finally, after he adds a second finger and then a third, he leans far enough away that Soonyoung can’t kiss him at all. Wonwoo just keeps wanting to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stare</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Soonyoung looks him dead in the eyes while he grinds his hips down on his fingers. Soonyoung’s mouth falls open and Wonwoo’s eyes flash. It’s absolutely one of the hottest things he’s ever experienced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s quiet enough in the room that Soonyoung can hear the guys still downstairs, the hum of the central heating crackling to life and blowing through the vents. Wonwoo puts on a condom and settles in between Soonyoung’s legs. Soonyoung watches him stroke his own cock and </span>
  <em>
    <span>jesus christ he’s bigger than he remembered</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, how serious and what a massively, huge deal this is has not been lost on him. It’s probably cliche, but he feels very much Madonna Like A Virgin Touched For The Very First Time. It’s dumb. He’s had sex before. But even the first time didn’t make him feel all electric and jittery the way he’s feeling now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo props himself up over Soonyoung as he pushes inside of him and Soonyoung feels like he can’t breathe. It’s all so much at once; that it’s Wonwoo holding his legs open, that it feels so good to have Wonwoo inside him, that Wonwoo looks so hot when his face screws up with how good it’s making </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung clings to his back, pressing into all the stupid muscle and feeling it flex and tremble under his hands. Wonwoo chews on his own lip, watching Soonyoung’s face until he bottoms out and squeezes his eyes shut with a moan in the back of his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been a while since Soonyoung has had sex (about five months and eight days but who’s counting) and he can’t remember it ever feeling so good. Wonwoo is intense like he is with everything else. He brackets his arms around Soonyoung’s head, rolls his hips in these aggravatingly slow movements that make his abs carve out. Soonyoung is pretty sure he sounds like a wounded animal the way he’s whining. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> loud,” Wonwoo laughs tightly. “You want the whole cabin to hear you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mingyu to hear us?” Soonyoung smirks. He grabs onto Wonwoo’s waist and urges him to go faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo obliges, but his face gets serious. “No,” he says. “I don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung doesn’t get a single second to consider how Wonwoo means that statement to sound because Wonwoo snaps his hips in a particularly harsh way that makes Soonyoung shout. He has to cover his own mouth and Wonwoo leans away from him entirely to grab onto his thighs for the leverage he needs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Soonyoung gets out around his fingers. He starts squirming around. “Wait!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo freezes and looks down at him with concern. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I um…” Soonyoung starts to shift his body upwards. “I want…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Use your words.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung smacks the top of his head like it’ll jump start his brain. “Wanna ride you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fumble around and Soonyoung can’t stop laughing for some reason. Maybe it’s the endorphins or the maybe it’s the overeager way Wonwoo rushes to sit back against the headboard. Either way, Soonyoung manages to get himself into Wonwoo’s lap, grabs his cock, and sinks down on him. In this position, the feeling is even better. Soonyoung gives an experimental roll of his hips, and Wonwoo groans and throws his head back into the wall with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thunk</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow, shit,” he winces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung giggles and cups the back of his head apologetically. He doesn’t stop though. He uses it as a little bit of leverage so he can ride Wonwoo as fast as he’s been wanting to go all night. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> in control of the pace of things. Wonwoo just takes it with a literal smile, holds Soonyoung’s waist and stares up at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so good at this,” he comments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Soonyoung eggs him on, grinning. He is completely showboating. He knows this. He’s heard people say this to him before. He rolls his body even more dramatically and grabs his own cock to get himself off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo bites on his lip as he watches. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung isn’t sure if he has a praise kink, but Wonwoo looking at him the way he is now makes him feel indescribably good. He bounces on his lap, tosses his head back, and says</span>
  <em>
    <span> sorry but not sorry </span>
  </em>
  <span>to the thirteen other people in the house and moans as loud as he wants to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna come,” he gasps out. When he looks back down, Wonwoo is reaching behind himself and gripping the headboard with both hands. He looks even more muscular than normal with his arms in that position and he’s watching Soonyoung in this </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> that makes Soonyoung feel absolutely insane. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo ends up finishing first. Soonyoung has his eyes closed so he doesn’t see the signs or anything. But he feels Wonwoo’s hands grab his hips, hold him steady for a few strokes so he can meet in the middle with a few thrusts of his own. He comes with a choked off noise and a particularly hard slap of thighs. That does it for Soonyoung, too. He makes a sound so broken when he finishes that he’s almost certain he’s lost his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung starts laughing as he catches his breath. He rests his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder, careful to hold his gross, come covered hand away from the both of them. Wonwoo is panting so loud it sounds like he’s having an asthma attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah,” Soonyoung says in perfect summary of what just happened. “Holy shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs around his heavy breathing. “Yeah, holy shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung carefully climbs off Wonwoo’s lap and wipes off his hand on the complimentary kleenex on the side table, and Wonwoo staggers around to clean up too and find some clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung flops back into bed. He’s waiting for the post-nut clarity to hit him at any moment, but in the meantime he feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> good. “I think I needed that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo lays down next to him on the bed and clumsily gets the covers over both of them. “Yeah, me too. Jesus christ.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh so I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> the rebound.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo sighs. “You’re an idiot. Go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They aren’t really cuddling up to each other, so Soonyoung can see Wonwoo’s face. He’s smiling at the ceiling and Soonyoung pokes his side. “I’m good at it, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Wonwoo groans. “I can’t say anything around you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung ignores him. “Probably ‘cause of my sexy thighs you love so much. Helps me...ride...things...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo rolls to face away from him. “Go. To. Sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just had sex and you can’t even admit that you have a thing for my thighs?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>we just had sex</span>
  </em>
  <span> is a lightbulb moment for Soonyoung. Probably the post-nut clarity. For a second he feels really strange, like his stomach has tied itself in a knot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if he regrets it? What if </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span> regrets it? What if they wake up tomorrow and they both realize what they did was a mistake and they have to spend another day trapped in a cabin together? What if when they have to share a bed tomorrow night, neither of them can sleep because they’re just sitting there regretting the fact that they fucked? It’s more than just a blowjob like last time. Way more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Wonwoo reaches behind himself until he finds Soonyoung’s arm and tugs him forward until Soonyoung’s chest is flush to his back. The nerves settle a bit when Wonwoo pulls Soonyoung’s arm around him and sighs out, “Please just go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung buries his nose into Wonwoo’s neck. Wonwoo smells nice. It’s oddly comforting. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Soonyoung,” Wonwoo whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I probably should have tagged this FWB huh? Maybe I'll go do that.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Soonyoung wakes up, he realizes he’s the last one awake. He scrambles around the room trying to shower and put on snow clothes. He does fall flat on his ass at one point, which is really just foreshadowing for all the things to come. But he has to rush because by the time he makes it downstairs everyone is loading the cars for their day on The Slopes (TM).</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Where their cabin is at, there’s only a little bit of snow left from last week, but further up the mountain, there’s fresh snow from the night before. The entire drive to Mt. Hood Meadows everyone is giving Soonyoung side eye glances and little smirks which means they most certainly heard him getting his brains fucked out last night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tries to gauge Wonwoo’s reaction. There’s not much to go off of. Wonwoo says </span>
  <em>
    <span>good morning</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>your hair is still damp</span>
  </em>
  <span> and then focuses on driving his car full of people. He’s not sure if anyone has directly said anything to Wonwoo (although knowing the relationship between him and Seungcheol, there had to be at least one comment by now) but Wonwoo doesn’t seem bothered by it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, Soonyoung takes the cue from him. They had sex. It was fun. Soonyoung liked it. Wonwoo liked it. If anyone heard them then it only does more to solidify the whole point of Soonyoung being on the trip in the first place. Wonwoo has moved on from Mingyu and now everyone has real, tangible, </span>
  <em>
    <span>auditory</span>
  </em>
  <span> proof.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Speaking of the trip though, Soonyoung wasn’t aware that the entire thing was really planned around them snowboarding. Wonwoo said it was a weekend at a cabin, but it turns out it’s a weekend at a cabin with the main event being them essentially recreating the Winter X-Games. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung has never snowboarded in his life. He’d assumed that nearly two decades of core strength training through dance would make him better at staying upright. But immediately after attaching one foot to the bindings so he can stand in line for the lift, he realizes that no part of this experience is going to be successful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo stands next to him looking equally stressed about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why is it so slippery?” Soonyoung asks as he hobbles through the queue. Wonwoo doesn’t say anything as he drags his board forwards, focusing on the task at hand. Soonyoung decides to do the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s why when he makes it onto the lift chair, he doesn’t realize that Wonwoo is no longer next to him. Instead, he sees a highlighter yellow snow jacket and pants combo taking the other seat in the chair. By the time he realizes who it is, it’s too late. They start their ascent and Soonyoung is trapped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-hi, Minghao,” Soonyoung stammers out. He tries to stay cheery, but Minghao doesn’t even crack a smile. The other end of the lift looks like it’s miles away. When he glances behind him, Wonwoo is in the chair after theirs. He’s sitting with Mingyu. Soonyoung can’t see their faces, but if he’s shitting bricks over what’s happening, Wonwoo is definitely feeling scared, too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” Minghao says frankly. “We need to talk about Seokmin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao gets straight to the point - which isn’t any different than how Minghao normally is, but there’s definitely an edge to his voice that means he’s pissed off. Soonyoung is at least eighty percent sure Minghao hates him. He still doesn’t know if Minghao knows about the letter, but no matter what, he knows that Minghao does not like him. He braces himself like Minghao is about to throw a punch (metaphorically - but who knows. At this point, it could be literally). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what’s going on between you two,” Minghao says. “And Seokmin won’t explain what’s going on either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>God what a relief</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Soonyoung lets out a breath that he’s been holding for two months.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But,” Minghao adds. “I’m not going to pretend like I’m not upset with you for what you did to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Soonyoung replies. “What did I do to him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao opens his mouth in surprise and then returns to his calm demeanor. His statuesque default setting. “He had no idea Jeonghan was going to break up with him and I know that you know Seokmin well enough to know how hurt he is. And I don’t know if you just don’t give a--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Soonyoung says in shock at the accusation. “Of course I </span>
  <em>
    <span>care</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Minghao says, narrowing his eyes. “Then just because you have a new boyfriend doesn’t mean you get to just abandon him. Or just straight up avoid him like you keep doing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s only one word to describe what Soonyoung is feeling, and that word is shame. He feels a lump in his throat that’s not quite like he’s going to cry, more like he’s going to throw up. He has a little bit of a hangover and that seems like a very real possibility at the moment. Minghao searches Soonyoung’s face. If there’s anyone who could literally see into a person’s soul, it would be Minghao.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not...abandoning him. Or avoiding him,” Soonyoung swears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao sighs like he’s disappointed. “I don’t know what’s going on. But you need to know this. Seokmin needs all the friends he can get right now. But especially you. His </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend. He lost Jeonghan, it’s not fair for him to lose you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung looks down at his lap and Minghao nudges their knees together. He knows that Minghao isn’t a mean person. But he is a loyal person. Loyal enough that he’s decided to room with Seokmin again this year knowing full well what a pigsty his room always is, that he sings constantly, that he’s a big sensitive baby in a nearly six foot tall nineteen year old’s body. So god help anyone who crosses Seokmin Lee, because Minghao is going to come for their throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you please just talk to him?” Minghao asks softly. “Whatever it is that’s making you avoid him, can you please just put it aside for right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung says. He’s not sure if he’s lying. It’s more of the fact that Minghao’s eyes are big and pleading and hard to say no to. Puppy eyes. He probably learned that trick from Seokmin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Minghao says. Apparently convinced. “Good. Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao gets off the lift with ease, Soonyoung face plants so hard that he’s not even getting through with the process of standing up again when Wonwoo tumbles off the lift, too. Soonyoung gives up on standing and crawls over to where Wonwoo is trying to figure out how to get his board straight enough to attach his other foot to it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did we just get ambushed?” Soonyoung asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Off towards the beginning of the run, Mingyu is helping Minghao learn some of the ski basics. Wonwoo glances towards them and shrugs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was fine, Mingyu just said he was happy for me. And that he hopes things aren’t weird,” Wonwoo says. He’s doing his mystery man, unreadable thing again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said thanks and I don’t think things are weird.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Liar liar pants on fire.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you?” Wonwoo continues. “What did Minghao say?” he asks, suddenly looking worried after being so emotionless before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh...well…” Soonyoung sighs. He tugs on the bindings of his board to make sure his boots are secure. “He doesn’t know about my letter to Seokmin which is good. But he’s pissed at me for not talking to Seokmin. He knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> is making me avoid him. So he said ‘go talk to him’. And I said, okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you really going to talk to him?” Wonwoo asks. His eyes are wide. He doesn’t have his glasses on so they look particularly huge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Soonyoung sighs dramatically. “I don’t want to think about it right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seungcheol interrupts the moment by eating a mouthful of snow when he falls off the lift.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Didn’t you say you guys did this once a year?” Soonyoung calls to him, shaking off the seriousness he doesn’t want to deal with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We never said we were </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> at snowboarding,” Seungcheol shouts back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There are two methodologies for snowboarding when you don’t know how to do it. Either you’re like Soonyoung and Seungcheol, collecting bruises on his knees, or like Wonwoo, going down the run in repetitive increments of two feet of progress before delicately sitting down in the snow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu sails between them like a streak of white and Minghao flies by a second later. Not only did they </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> bring fashionable matching snow clothes, but they’re both incredibly good at skiing. Or at least, Mingyu is but his instruction to Minghao has him lapping the rest of the guys down the run at least three times over by now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>At least somebody will be able to walk later.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung tries to stand up again but his board makes him veer left and directly over to where Wonwoo is spread eagled on the ground in surrender. Soonyoung wipes out particularly hard and laughs around a mouthful of snow. Wonwoo scoots over to him and frowns.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you please try to avoid hurting yourself?” he chides. One of his oversized-gloved hands comes to knock some of the snow off of Soonyoung’s beanie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’m getting the hang of it,” Soonyoung says triumphantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t look persuaded for some reason. “I just don’t want you to get back on Monday and not be able to dance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung grins at him. “Are you worried about me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” He says it like Soonyoung should know that by now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aww,” Soonyoung coos. He blows a kiss to Wonwoo and Wonwoo rolls his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung tries again and body slams the mountain. But he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> make it a good 50 feet down the run before that happens. Soonyoung cheers. Wonwoo gives him a respectful golf clap. It’s all about the small victories in life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>---</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nobody in the house is doing “well” after trying to snowboard. As a group, they really don’t have it in them to get drunk on their last night. It turns out that snowboarding and skiing is a big toll on your body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After dinner, they spend most of the night by the fire pit behind the house. It takes a bit to get the fire started because Seungcheol has everyone convinced he can chop wood. Which he can’t. Then Joshua Hong tells everyone that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> can do it. Which he also can’t. Hansol on the other hand ends up coming in at the last second to split wood like a fucking lumberjack and he does some Seungkwan-esque bows while everyone cheers his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu is the one who ends up getting the fire going. Because it’s just another thing he’s good at without trying. Hansol starts up a playlist off his phone and Seungcheol passes cups of beers down the line from the keg by his side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo and Soonyoung sit on a small bench made out of a half-log. They’re sharing a blanket and Wonwoo is attached to him because of the cold. Soonyoung makes an effort to hold Wonwoo’s hands between his every now and then so he can rub them and warm them up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s low key, but it’s nice. Soonyoung has been hopeful that Wonwoo will stay friends with his friends after the imminent break up, but he’s also hopeful that he’ll stay friends with Wonwoo’s friends, too. The frat guys are nice. They treat Soonyoung like one of their own. Soonyoung knows that Seungkwan would be devastated to hear this information, but Soonyoung likes spending time with them. He likes spending time with Wonwoo while they </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> spend time with them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that includes Mingyu and Minghao, too. After both conversations that happened on the ski lift, the tension seemed to dissipate significantly. Minghao obvious disdain for Soonyoung reduces to mild annoyance and Mingyu talks to him like they’ve been friends this whole time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He expects that Wonwoo is going to be uncomfortable, but when Mingyu is asking Soonyoung two thousand questions about his job at the dance studio, Wonwoo interjects ever so often to explain something to Mingyu. And Mingyu listens, and smiles, and talks to Wonwoo, too. Soonyoung feels like he’s mediated something. Even Minghao looks pleased with the development.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, though, everyone decides as a collective to call it an early night at around ten. Soonyoung is sad that the trip is coming to an end and he’ll be slingshotted back into the reality of finals looming over him. Not to mention the Jeonghan thing </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Seokmin thing. Both are unresolved, but the latter requires some more thought that Soonyoung will need to apply when he gets back to Portland.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo is in the shower before he goes to sleep. Soonyoung is tucked under the covers of their bed. He’s so physically exhausted from the entire snowboarding excursion that he barely hits the pillow before he starts drifting off. Out of all the years of his life that he’s done dance camps and summer intensive programs and ten hour long Nutcracker rehearsals, he has never, ever felt so sore. Even walking up the stairs is impossible. He’s so physically tired that he’s not sure he’ll be able to wake before the afternoon tomorrow when they need to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s half asleep when his phone starts ringing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung groggily reaches for it, hits answer, and drags it across the bed to his ear. “Hello?” he mumbles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” Jihoon replies on the other end. Soonyoung has to check his phone screen twice to make sure he’s not still asleep. Jihoon would rather set himself on fire than talk on the phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi?” Soonyoung says. He rubs the sleepiness out of his eyes as quickly as he can. “Everything okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should be asking you that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Soonyoungs sits up in bed. “Sorry I was asleep. Wh-what happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jihoon hesitates, but then he sighs. “I mean with Wonwoo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Yes? Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I heard that last night you and him kept the whole cabin up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s face heats up with embarrassment. He’s probably tomato red.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How does Jihoon already know that? Who told him?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung glances at the bedroom door. Wonwoo only went for his shower a couple of minutes ago. Soonyoung doesn’t have very long until he comes back to the room. Jihoon isn’t supposed to know that Wonwoo isn’t really his boyfriend. Wonwoo certainly doesn’t know that Jihoon knows. Soonyoung feels obligated to keep it that way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Who told you about me and Wonwoo?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I’m at Chae’s house and I just heard Nayeon saying that you and Wonwoo were fucking so loud last night that it made it all the way back to Portland before you did,” Jihoon says drly. “Which was a little confusing since you told me you two weren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> dating.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We </span>
  <em>
    <span>aren’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> actually dating...” Soonyoung replies. “You sound really mad. Why are you mad?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not mad,” Jihoon says exasperatedly. “I’m just...what are you doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You realize you two are in a relationship right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung. Be realistic. You spend every single day with him </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> sleep over with each other. Your entire Instagram is pictures of the two of you. You kiss him all the time. And now you’re having sex with him. At what point are you two </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> dating?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not. We’re keeping up appearances,” Soonyoung says emphatically. His voice is walking the line between upset and calm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re friends,” he says. “With...benefits…I guess...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung. Seriously? Come on…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, taking a deep breath. “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you’re in denial.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> in denial.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonyoung,” his voice is a little softer this time. All sensitive and not-Jihoon like. “You wrote me a love letter after like a week of knowing me. You can get shitty with me if you want. Whatever. I just think that knowing the person </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are, I’m worried you’re going to get hurt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If there’s one thing Jihoon </span>
  <em>
    <span>isn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s openly emotional. So hearing him say something like </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m worried</span>
  </em>
  <span> gives Soonyoung a little bit of pause. For the most part he’s just caught up in the warmth of having Jihoon Lee of all people say he’s concerned about him. The other part is complicated and Soonyoung feels it like a demonic attachment. It’s in the room, it’s definitely there, but Soonyoung is ignoring it out of self-preservation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise,” Soonyoung says. “Like scouts honor promise that there is nothing to be worried about. But I think I’m going to cherish this moment of you saying you care about me for the rest of my natural life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jihoon grumbles something on the other end and then sighs. “Don’t be stupid. Of course I care about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung smiles, but he feels queasy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just be careful,” Jihoon says finally. In the background, Soonyoung can hear Chaeyoung calling Jihoon’s name. “I gotta go. I’m supposed to be going to this party tonight, but I got side tracked.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw,” Soonyoung says. “Don’t worry about me too much! Go have fun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good </span>
  <em>
    <span>bye</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soonyoung.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck was that?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung stares at his phone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What? The fuck??? Was that??!!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His head snaps up when he hears Wonwoo open the bedroom door. He’s only wearing a towel around his waist and Soonyoung’s eyes go wide seeing his chest, his abs, his arms. It’s one of those sledgehammer to the head moments where he realizes how hot Wonwoo is. Only it’s just that having one of those moments </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> is ill-timed after another one of your friends </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> called out your fake relationship for being </span>
  <em>
    <span>not fake</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Were you talking to somebody?” Wonwoo asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Soonyoung looks down at his phone in his hand, shaking off how he was just so clearly ogling Wonwoo. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is this what Jihoon meant?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives him a curious look as he goes to change into sweats and a sweatshirt for bed. Soonyoung </span>
  <em>
    <span>pointedly</span>
  </em>
  <span> does not look in his direction.  “I thought I heard you talking to somebody,” Wonwoo says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Must be hearing things,” Soonyoung lies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He figures it’s safe to look up when he feels the mattress wiggle with Wonwoo’s bodyweight settling onto it. “Are you okay?” Wonwoo asks as he pulls the blankets over himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung says with a sigh. “Yeah I’m good. Just tired.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo has his eyes narrowed, but Soonyoung isn’t sure if that’s because he isn’t wearing his glasses or because he can see through Soonyoung’s bullshit. It’s probably - no, definitely - a bit of both. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, Wonwoo turns out the light on the bedside table and flops onto his side of the bed. “Goodnight,” he says over his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sleep. All Soonyoung needs to do is sleep this off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>---</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He barely sleeps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or well, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> sleep, but it’s the most restless sleep of his entire life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gives up on trying once the sun starts to rise. The curtains in their bedroom are cracked open and there’s just a little bit of grey light coming in. His phone tells him it’s not even six in the morning, which means nobody else in the house - including Wonwoo - will be up for another few hours.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ideally, Soonyoung wouldn’t be reflecting on his and Wonwoo’s fake relationship while </span>
  <em>
    <span>in</span>
  </em>
  <span> bed with Wonwoo, but he can’t exactly call the shots when his own brain is basically forcing him to dwell on it. All night he’s been turning over Jihoon’s phone call in his head. All night he’s been fitting all these moving pieces together like a Rubik’s cube. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jihoon has only known Soonyoung for two years and in those two years, Soonyoung wasn’t friends with Wonwoo. That means Jihoon doesn’t have a full decade’s worth of context about their friendship to understand what’s normal and what isn’t normal for them to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like being affectionate? That was normal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spending all their time together? That was normal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Doing things for one another? That was normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then on the other hand, all the normal things they used to do ended up with </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wonwoo and Soonyoung having feelings for each other as teenagers. All the normal things they did also had Soonyoung’s parents apparently convinced that one day Wonwoo and Soonyoung would end up together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then there’s the sex thing. Soonyoung and Wonwoo had already talked about it once before. That first hook up meant nothing. But that second one? If Soonyoung is being honest with himself - which he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be doing currently - it was the best sex he’s ever had in his life. That thought freaks him the fuck out, because it was with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His best friend. His best friend Wonwoo who liked to make eye contact when Soonyoung was on top and made Soonyoung feel sexy and wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And worst of all. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst</span>
  </em>
  <span> part of it all. Is that Jihoon has a point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung has fallen much harder over much less. With Junhui it was the whispered conversations in a Cal State Long Beach dorm room. With Taemin...well okay...not Taemin. But with Wonwoo the first time it was the driest kiss known to mankind. With Jihoon, Soonyoung was smitten after the first time Jihoon talked about his music. With Seokmin it was that Seokmin made him breakfast.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s always been Soonyoung’s problem. He falls in love too fast and too soon and too hard. He loves the idea of being in love, but when it comes down to it, Soonyoung hasn’t felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> love. He’s never been in a relationship. He’s never had anybody love him back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or, well, he’s never been in a real relationship - he’s been a fake one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though, he’s imagined what a real relationship would look like a million different times. Depending on the era there’s always somebody new in the starring role of Soonyoung’s Dream Boyfriend, but the other details stay consistent.</span>
</p>
<ol>
<li><span>His boyfriend is somebody romantic like in the movies, who does things to show Soonyoung that he cares. </span></li>
<li><span>Soonyoung’s parents love his boyfriend, because family is important to Soonyoung, and on holidays they go to Soonyoung’s parents house and they all eat around the dining room table. </span></li>
<li><span>His boyfriend likes a lot of the things that Soonyoung likes and they spend hours being lazy on the weekends and watching the tv shows they both love on the couch. </span></li>
<li><span>His boyfriend makes Soonyoung laugh and he likes to kiss him, and touch him, and sleep cuddled up to him. </span></li>
<li><span>His boyfriend supports Soonyoung’s dreams. </span></li>
<li><span>His boyfriend tells Soonyoung everything. </span></li>
<li><span>His boyfriend makes Soonyoung happier than anyone else in the world.</span></li>
</ol>
<p>
  <span>The realization hits like a lightning strike.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Has he been in love with Wonwoo this whole time?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soonyoung shifts in bed and looks at Wonwoo laying down on the pillow across from him. His face is all smushed up and he’s drooling. And Soonyoung feels...butterflies. Or maybe bees? Wasps? The bug doesn’t matter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Something</span>
  </em>
  <span> is fluttering in his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He keeps watching him sleep like a total creep, but he can’t find it in himself to look away. Because Wonwoo is there. He’s real. Wonwoo isn’t Soonyoung’s Dream Boyfriend, but he is Soonyoung’s dream boyfriend. He checks every box that Soonyoung has fabricated in his head every year since middle school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Has he really been in love with Wonwoo this entire time and just never noticed it</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Surely he would have noticed it, right? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p><span>He’s not </span><em><span>that</span></em><span> stupid. He’s super in tune with his emotional side. It’s been his fatal flaw his entire life. He falls in love too fast. He would have noticed that he was falling in love with Wonwoo. He would have noticed it. </span><em><span>He would</span></em> <em><span>have noticed it.</span></em></p>
<p>
  <span>And yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo sucks in a breath as he stirs, stretching and opening his eyes blearily at Soonyoung. Immediately, the second Wonwoo sees him, he smiles. A content smile that stays on his face even after he closes his eyes again. It tugs Soonyoung’s heart in every direction at once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soonie? What time is it?” Wonwoo asks. There’s a gritty, sleep quality in his deep voice. It makes Soonyoung feel like melted butter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like six,” Soonyoung whispers. Wonwoo blinks his eyes open again and frowns.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s so early. Why are you up?” Wonwoo holds onto Soonyoung’s wrist under the covers. Where his fingers are touching Soonyoung’s skin, Soonyoung feels tingly and strange.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Couldn’t sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry, I was having major life revelations. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Like the fact that I think I’m totally in love with you and I’ve been too stupid to notice it happening over the last two months. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Like the fact that I’m totally in love with you because of our totally fake relationship that is going to have to come to an end at some point. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Like the fact that I’m totally in love with you and there’s a really, big, huge chance that you don’t feel the same way.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo is already in and out of falling back asleep when he responds. “Tell me about it. When I’m awake.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Everybody applaud Soonyoung for finally getting there. 50,000 words in and he's finally understanding what we all already knew.</p>
<p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, last part of this three part update! </p><p>The next update to come will be both of the last chapters. So it will be the FINAL update. Wahoo! Promise you won't have to wait too long.</p><p>I want to give a special shout out to Kim for sitting on the phone with me and helping me work through this section of the story. Thanks Kim.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>-one year and two months ago-</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung woke up on Saturday morning with the sun streaming into his room. It was a different sort of day. That kind of Disney-movie morning where he wanted to wake up and sing out of his window or walk down the street saying hello to every stranger he met. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hello world, it’s me Soonyoung Kwon and I just got the best blowjob of my life. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The guy laying naked in bed with him was named Seokmin Lee and he was the new freshman Theater Major everyone had been talking about for the last week. Since classes hadn’t started yet, Soonyoung hadn’t met him until the party last night, but when Jihyo said he was handsome, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> telling fibs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung noticed it again that morning. He’d had beer goggles on the night before and usually when he hooks up with guys </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> sleeps next to them, he wakes up with them looking a lot less attractive than they had the night before. Not Seokmin though. Seokmin was even hotter in the morning with all the product left over in his hair making it stick up in every direction, all the blankets shoved down to his waist so Soonyoung could see how nice his body was. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>dumb</span>
  </em>
  <span> sexy. Like nonsensically attractive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin had his arm behind Soonyoung’s head and his other hand was resting on Soonyoung’s chest. He smiled and Soonyoung smiled back like a reflex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it cool if I kiss you?” Soonyoung asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have dragon breath right now,” Seokmin said timidly. He was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>cute</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>have bad morning breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Soonyoung said. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Seokmin kissed, he smiled. Like, the entire time. Soonyoung figured it out last night at the party when he kissed Seokmin the first time and then, after he brought him home, the subsequent times. It was sexy. Not like a weird creepy smile so Soonyoung was only making out with his teeth (which he had an alarming amount of), it was more like the corners of his mouth ticked up. Kind of like he wanted you to know how happy he was about you kissing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only time he didn’t smile was when Soonyoung sucked his dick last night. Instead, he gulped in air like he couldn’t breathe, grabbed onto Soonyoung’s hair so hard it almost hurt, and when he came, it looked like he was about to cry. Soonyoung was feeling proud of himself until Seokmin switched their positions and pretty much sucked the soul out of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s why he was in such a good mood. Let it be known that Seokmin Lee gave head good enough to make Soonyoung feel like he could sing and little woodland creatures would come to the window and listen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ended up kissing in bed until ten in the morning. Jeonghan and Soonyoung’s new apartment didn’t have AC so it was sweaty and a little gross. But Seokmin didn’t seem to care. He climbed on top of Soonyoung anyway, pressed their sticky chests together, kissed Soonyoung until they both ended up getting each other off again in the shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halfway through washing his hair Seokmin turned to him with suds in his eyes. “Can I make you breakfast? Is that weird?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung laughed dazedly from the other side of the tub, leaning against the tile to cool him down. “Are you being serious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kind of want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin stood in Soonyoung and Jeonghan’s shared kitchen, wearing Soonyoung’s clothes, trying to stubbornly make a feasible breakfast out of whatever Soonyoung had on hand. Which was really just whatever Jeonghan had bought at the store.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung watched him from the tiny kitchen table and the world was slowly but surely falling off its axis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hadn’t really had a chance to go over many of the basics at the party. All he learned last night was that Seokmin lived in the Freshman dorm building, had moved to Portland from Astoria, and was really, really loud. In Soonyoung’s kitchen though, with total sobriety, Seokmin was more soft spoken, liked a startling amount of the same things Soonyoung liked, and hummed when he cooked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you play Yu-Gi-Oh,” Seokmin grinned as he stood at the stove. “Like my roommate - Minghao - he’s super nice, but he’s just way cooler than I am. He’s into art and stuff. Like grown up stuff. And when I showed him my deck the other day, he looked at me like I was an alien.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Does he not know what it is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he does,” Seokmin laughed. He transferred whatever is in his pan to the plates and then started adding the rest of the pieces of food he’d prepared. “I think he just thinks it’s for little kids or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is such a misconception,” Soonyoung scoffed. “Don’t let people make you feel bad about liking what you like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no he wasn’t! I mean...well…” Seokmin worried at his lip like he was considering if he should speak. When he glanced at Soonyoung, it was like he was trying to figure out if he had approval or not. “I think you can be friends with or even love people even when you’re different from them, right? But it is really nice to find people who are a lot like you. Like me and you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Earth. Off axis. Spinning around in the void of space. Soonyoung stared at Seokmin’s tongue trapped between his teeth as he diligently plated their breakfast, his back muscles through the t-shirt he borrowed from Soonyoung, his frizzy - apparently naturally curly - post-shower hair. Seokmin walked over and placed the most incredible looking omelet in front of Soonyoung, complete with tofu and kimchi on the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you said breakfast, I kind of imagined like eggs and bacon,” Soonyoung said in amazement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin paused as he was sitting down. “Oh no,” he frowned. “Do you not like it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Soonyoung panicked. “No oh god it’s just I wasn’t expecting you to make something like...chef worthy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin visibly relaxed and took his seat at the table. “Oh good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched Soonyoung take his first bite like he was waiting for a reaction before he had his own food. Soonyoung hummed contentedly, shoving all the eggs into one side of his cheek so he could talk. “How did you learn how to cook so good? This is amazing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile on Seokmin’s face could blind someone. He blushed and started eating. “My mom and I cook together a lot. I try to learn from my grandma too when we go visit her in Korea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds really nice,” Soonyoung said sincerely. He could see that Seokmin clearly loved his mom just by the way he went all soft bringing her up and something about a boy who loved his mom made Soonyoung act stupid. “You know my mom tried </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> hard to show me. But I wasn’t kidding when I said I was hopeless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could try teaching you,” Seokmin offered. Soonyoung glanced up at him to see him smiling - different from his other smile, Soonyoung wanted to learn how to categorize them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The implication meant that Seokmin wanted to see him again. Soonyoung felt like singing again. This time something really stupid like when Princesses met their Prince Charming. It was just that Soonyoung has spent the last year trying to date and it never worked, or he tired hooking up with guys who would just end up blowing him off after. He never intended hooking up with Seokmin to be some kind of match making scheme. But maybe - just maybe - Soonyoung was developing a crush on a guy he meant to be a one night stand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like that,” Soonyoung said softly. His face was pink. It had to be. “I’m pretty sure Jeonghan would thank you, too. He always says he doesn’t mind cooking for both of us, but I’m pretty sure he’s over it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Jeonghan your roommate?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on cue, the front door deadbolt clicked. Soonyoung had completely forgotten to text Jeonghan about having a guy over. They had a rule about it. No surprise guests, but also no cockblocks without a legitimate reason. The house rules were serious and binding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung!” Jeonghan shouted as he fumbled through the front door. “You need to bar me from ever going to that frat house again. Some idiot put pre-workout in the jungle juice and it was worse than the time we had Four Lokos on my birthday last year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan,” Soonyoung warned. He could hear Jeonghan way off in his room, still shouting his story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Cheol right? I </span>
  <em>
    <span>puked</span>
  </em>
  <span> in their backyard and then I just remember waking up this morning in some guys’ bed and I look down and it’s Cheol on the floor. I’ve been laying the groundwork for a hook up with him for six months and it all goes out the window because </span>
  <em>
    <span>apparently</span>
  </em>
  <span> he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>to take care of me last night. Worst experience of my fucking life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung looked at Seokmin apologetically, but Seokmin was trying to hide his smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey also,” Jeonghan called, voice coming in clearer as he made it down the hallway towards the kitchen. “You know your friend Wonwoo. You should see this guy he was hanging out with. I think his name is Mingus or something. I don’t know. He was so fucking h --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan paused as he stood in the kitchen. Despite how drunk he was the night before, and likely how hungover he was that morning, he still looked good as always. The top half of his too long black hair was tied into a knot on the back of his head and the shorts he had on were particularly short. But most of all, his eyes were wide and pretty as he stared at Seokmin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Soongyoung said quickly. “I forgot to text you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung would eventually replay this exact moment in his head many, many times. It was like a movie scene. He noticed Seokmin’s face first. Then Jeonghan’s. Both of them looked at each other with this sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh there you are</span>
  </em>
  <span> sort of look. Like they already knew one another when they definitely did not. It was like Soonyoung wasn’t even there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Jeonghan said. He wriggled his fingers at Seokmin. “Hey, I’m Jeonghan. I live here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin floundered for a moment like he forgot how to speak. “I’m uh...Seokmin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan giggled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Giggled</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Uh Seokmin or just Seokmin?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...I mean yes. Just Seokmin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you forget your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Seokmin laughed awkwardly. “No sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize,” Jeonghan said. His eyes were twinkling. “It’s nice to meet you, Seokmin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think these are your eggs,” Seokmin said glancing down at his plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those are my eggs, yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for the eggs. I can...um...are you hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiled again and Seokmin smiled too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to cook for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin was out of his chair before even answering. Jeonghan sat up on the counter by the stove, swinging his legs as Seokmin was cooking. It really, really was like Soonyoung wasn’t even there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was exactly two weeks later when Soonyoung got two texts back to back.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Jeonghan: </b>
  <span>Hey don’t get mad, but Seokmin and I have been texting. And I just want to make sure that you aren’t trying to date him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Seokmin: </b>
  <span>I think I like your roommate. So I asked him out. Is it going to make things weird? Be honest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung honestly doesn’t expect Seokmin to pick up the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the evening after he gets home and the studio is closed for the week for Thanksgiving, which gives Soonyoung just enough time to procrastinate on his Music Theory paper and slowly descend into panic. He can’t focus on anything. His mind is going a hundred miles per hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decides to call Seokmin on impulse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ripping off a band-aid doesn’t even seem like an appropriate metaphor to cover what it feels like to select “Seokieeee” in his contact list. It’s more like in movies when a character has to reset a bone on somebody and the guy who is hurt gets all badass, takes a swig of whiskey, and says </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just do it.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin answers on the first ring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung?” he says hopefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung goes into shutdown mode. His brain stops working and takes a couple seconds to fully reboot. “Hi,” he replies eventually. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Seokmin says cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung has had a lot of people in his life tell him he’s brave. Never about things like haunted houses or scary movies, but about bigger things. A lot of things he never considered. His mom told him once that it was brave to get up on stage and dance on his own. One time Mina said he was brave for talking to people he didn’t know. There was this bungee jumping ride at the Rose Festival every year and Seokmin said he was really brave for getting on it without feeling scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries to feel as brave as he can when he sits in Seokmin’s dorm bedroom. The whole situation is undoubtedly one of the most terrifying experiences of his life. Most of that is because Seokmin will not speak first. Soonyoung is at Seokmin’s desk and Seokmin is sitting on his own bed and neither of them have said anything but a greeting at the front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin’s room is insanely clean compared to what’s a normal level of filth for him. Soonyoung decides pretty quickly that it must be Minghao’s doing. Because the rest of Seokmin doesn’t look great or put together or even clean, for that matter. There are big dark circles under his eyes, and his sweats have holes in them, and there’s an intimidatingly huge can of Red Bull on the bedside table for it being nine o’clock at night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Studying?” Soonyoung asks casually, pointing at the can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin glances at it and gives him a taut smile. “Yeah I have two monologues I should have had ready to go weeks ago and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do. I need to perform them in two days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Soonyoung says. “If I’m interrupting…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No this is more important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is more important,” Seokmin insists, again. He looks exhausted, but serious in a way Soonyoung isn’t really used to seeing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Wonwoo and him reconnecting, so much had changed in two years that the differences in Wonwoo were inevitable. But Seokmin looks like he’s managed to change a lot in the span of a only two months. He still </span>
  <em>
    <span>looks</span>
  </em>
  <span> the same, but Seokmin seems duller, like he’s not shining as bright as he normally would. Also, more mature, like all the naive parts of Seokmin that Jeonghan used to worry about have been shaken out of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung takes one big breath. “I’m sorry...I’m trying to figure out where to start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin shifts on the bed, but he doesn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Soonyoung begins by saying, “I just want to say first of all, before we get to any other part of this, that I’m sorry. I heard from everyone that you’re taking the break up really, really hard. And as your friend, I should have been there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin nods and crosses his arms around himself. “I mean I know you tried to talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter. I should have tried harder. I just...I didn’t want to smother you, y’know? Like I’m not super good at helping I guess and I didn’t know what I should say or do to make you feel better about Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true,” Seokmin says gently. As if he’s the one who’s trying to comfort Soonyoung and not the other way around. “You’re really good at helping people. You’ve always helped me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyung gives him a half smile. “It’s just...when I saw that you got my letter…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin tightens his arms around himself. “I was confused.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to know that I never, ever meant for you to get it,” Soonyoung says desperately. “And I know it couldn’t have been mailed to you at a worse time. Like the worst timing possible. It was an accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But do you mean it? That you were in love with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now here’s the thing. There’s probably a reason in Soonyoung’s subconscious mind that told him having this conversation with Seokmin was a safe option now. For the most part, it has to do with the fact that Minghao told him what was going on and metaphorically knocked some sense into him. But there’s that </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> part. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the last thirty nine hours Soonyoung has been grappling with what Wonwoo means to him. The last morning in the cabin, he thought maybe what he realized was just a fluke. Maybe it was a weird one off thing, some residual drunkenness from the night before even though he’d only had two beers. But then the feelings just stuck there. And they’re still stuck there. They aren’t going away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, even though Soonyoung is sitting in front of a boy that he’s been harbouring secret feelings for over the last year, hearing that boy ask </span>
  <em>
    <span>do you mean it</span>
  </em>
  <span> isn’t as scary as he ever imagined it being. Seokmin is still beautiful and Soonyoung still thinks he’s one of the best people on earth and maybe in the entire universe, but Seokmin is not Wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seokmin is not Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Admitting it that, even in his head, feels massive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not…” Soonyoung gathers himself. “Not anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin looks at him curiously. “But you used to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What he felt for Seokmin pales in comparison to what he’s feeling now. It’s not just because he’s currently feeling it. It’s because with Seokmin it was being in love from a distance. With Wonwoo, he knows what it’s like to have Wonwoo be his boyfriend. Loving Wonwoo feels differently. More real. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scarily</span>
  </em>
  <span> more real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think...I don’t know. Maybe? I had feelings for you. Now that I can do some self-reflection I’m not sure I loved you? Does that make sense?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Soonyoung says dejectedly. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. It’s not...” Seokmin sighs. “I just don’t understand how o-or why you wanted to stick around and be my friend knowing that I was completely in love with another person. Didn’t that...</span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung laughs. “Oh yeah. It hurt a lot sometimes.” Seokmin frowns and Soonyoung shakes his head. “But you’re one of my best friends. Like...aside from the feelings I had. Which is why I never wanted you to know. I could have handled a few years of being a little sad if it meant still being friends with you and Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s what it all came down to, really. It wasn’t like he was ever being shady or was just biding his time until Seokmin and Jeonghan broke up so he could slide in. Watching Seokmin be in love with Jeonghan was the trade off for keeping his two best friends. That was worth it to Soonyoung. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which,” Soonyoung continues. “Is why the letter happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you were just going to send it to me later?” Seokmin asks in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This explanation always sounded so stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s this thing I’ve done my whole life. Like I guess I just fall in love with people really easily, but sometimes telling them isn’t worth it. Or it’s never been worth it. So I started doing this thing where I write out all my feelings like I’m about to confess and trick myself into thinking I’m sending it to the person. And it just helps me get over what I’m feeling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you just wanted to get over me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Soonyoung says, grateful that Seokmin understands. “I didn’t want to stand in the way of what you and Jeonghan had. If you liked him and he liked you...then I wanted you two to have a shot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Seokmin sighs. His eyes are starting to get shiny like he’s about to cry. “When I read it, I kept thinking that maybe it was a joke. But I was pretty sure you wouldn’t do something so mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> do something like that,” Soonyoung says. Retrospectively, he had at one point considered using that as an excuse for why Seokmin received it. He’s glad that he didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. And I knew it had to be real when you wouldn’t talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Seokmin promises. “Really, it’s okay. I just...I wanted to know how you felt. And if it was still how you felt. Because it scared me really, really bad, Soonie. I didn’t...know what to think. I felt so bad, because I knew back then, that when I started dating...” Seokmin takes a deep breath. “I knew it wasn’t fair to you. And then I kept feeling like nobody wanted to tell me </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like these two people who I loved the most in the world were keeping secrets from me the whole time and it hurt so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Sooonyoung says. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to forgive me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forgive you?” Seokmin asks. “For what? I hurt you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For making you so sad,” Soonyoung says. “For making the break up worse. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m worried about you. If you don’t want to be friends with me I get it. I just...owed you an explanation I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin scoffs. Soonyoung doesn’t even register that Seokmin is coming to hug him. One second he’s on his bed and the next he’s pulling Soonyoung up from the desk to wrap his arms around him. Soonyoung hugs him back hard enough that it probably hurts. But, it’s a hug that Soonyoung has owed Seokmin for almost three months - a super sized combo of an apology, a reconciliation, and a comfort for Seokmin having his heart broken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you,” Seokmin whispers against Soonyoung’s shoulder. He sniffles, clearly crying. “It sucked so much going through this without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s such a quintessentially Seokmin thing to do. All these bad things have happened to him for months and nobody was giving him any resolution, and still, Seokmin forgives it because Seokmin’s heart is too big for his own good. At one point, it was something Soonyoung was </span>
  <em>
    <span>in </span>
  </em>
  <span>Love with him for. Now, it’s just love. Lowercase love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure I didn’t ruin our friendship by saying I wanted to marry you?” Soonyoung asks, trying to make him laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He succeeds. Seokmin laughs wetly against his neck. “Of course not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lean away from each other and Soonyoung reaches to wipe the tears off of Seokmin’s cheeks. “You’re positive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s good to see Seokmin smile again, even if it is through tears. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Soonyoung says. “Does this mean I can feed you? I’ve been so nervous about this I haven’t eaten all day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They end up at Bluebird. It’s busy with a dinner rush, but their old table upstairs is available. Seokmin is noticeably uncomfortable as soon as they sit down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t been here since Jeonghan left,” Seokmin admits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, upstairs?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is where they used to sit when Jeonghan was on his shift. It’s almost weird to have another person waiting on them. Usually Jeonghan would have come up to their table right away, kissed Seokmin’s cheek and not even asked for their drink order because he already knew it by heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Bluebird in general,” Seokmin says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung frowns. “We could have gone somewhere else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin shakes his head as he looks at the menu. “No, it’s time to get over it. I miss the milkshakes. Going with you makes it easier, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a while for Seokmin to stop looking like he’s ready to leave at any second. Soonyoung triples his efforts to make Seokmin laugh. He finds out pretty quickly that Seokmin hasn’t been very social, so Soonyoung decides the best way to get him to laugh is to catch him up on all the funny things the kids at the studio have been doing, all the drunk stories about The Girls and Seungkwan, and by proxy, Wonwoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t even mean to start talking about him. Soonyoung had actually decided that he wouldn’t talk about him because A) he didn’t plan on telling Seokmin that they were fake dating B) he didn’t want to clue Seokmin in to the difficult and complex set of emotions he was currently feeling towards him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the second that Wonwoo comes up once, the floodgates open and Soonyoung can’t stop bringing him up. It’s like word vomit. Wonwoo this. Wonwoo that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo taught me how to play Overwatch and I was sooo bad at it. I tried to make Wonwoo ramyun but I got distracted and forgot the flavor packet and he pretended to like it anyway. Wonwoo watched Cars with me and we got in a two hour long debate about there being a Jesus car and he thinks that there was a Jesus car because there was a car pope.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin’s smile grows as Soonyoung keeps talking. He doesn’t interrupt, but when their food finally arrives and Soonyoung is forced to finally stop talking for two seconds, Seokmin takes the opportunity to say, “You really like him, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung freezes over his cheeseburger and forgets that he needs to say something in response. It’s not like he wants to lie after months of lying, but he’s not sure he has another option. He goes with a half-truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a bite and talks around it. “Yeah. We were best friends, you know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seungkwan says you’re disgusting and in love. Gagging noises and all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you keeping tabs on me?” Soonyoung says with fake-offense, trying to make a joke out of it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how else was I supposed to know what was going on?” Seokmin pouts. “You wouldn’t talk to me. All I saw was you making out with him in the quad that day and I was so confused.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s funny to think about. Well not really </span>
  <em>
    <span>funny</span>
  </em>
  <span> like “ha ha”. Funny like interesting. Soonyoung kissing Wonwoo in the quad is the whole reason this even started. Looking back at it, it was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> good kiss. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God, Wonwoo is a good kisser.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really happy for you, you know,” Seokmin adds after a moment. “You deserve to have somebody like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung studies him as he chews. He’s a little out of practice with knowing what Seokmin is thinking, but he’s lucky that Seokmin is such an open book. He does seem genuinely happy, but there’s also something sad in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to talk about Wonwoo if it makes you feel sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin looks shocked. Like he’s been caught stealing or something. “Do I look sad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little bit. If it reminds you of Jeonghan, that’s okay. We can talk about something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the mention of Jeonghan’s name he gets a smile on his face. One Soonyoung categorizes as The Jeonghan Smile. It’s the sort of smile you see somebody have when they’re super in love. When the person they’re talking about makes them the happiest in the world even when they’re just thinking about them. Seeing Seokmin still smiling like that makes Soonyoung feel awful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time he saw Seokmin have it was the day after Seokmin and Jeonghan’s second date. They were sitting at this exact table at Bluebird, sharing a plate of cheese fries while Seokmin was recounting the dinner date he and Jeonghan had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin had apparently </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried </span>
  </em>
  <span>to take him to this place downtown that Seokmin had to borrow money from his parents just to pay for, but that Jeonghan had parked them both at a thai food cart two blocks from their actual destination. He told Soonyoung that they spent the whole night just walking around the city and talking. For hours. And then he smiled and said </span>
  <em>
    <span>I told him I wanted something serious with him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And I thought he was going to tell me I was moving too fast, but he said he wanted that, too. Soonyoung, I think I’m falling in love with him. Am I crazy?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you still talk to him?” Seokmin asks. It’s a bit like he’s trying to twist the knife in his own wound. “How is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only talk to him sometimes. You know how he is,” Soonyoung says nonchalantly. He doesn’t want to mention anything about the crying and the homesickness and the admission that he’s still in love with Seokmin. So he says, “If it makes you feel any better. I forgot to tell him I was with Wonwoo too. He was pissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like him. He hates being left out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you even want to talk about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin looks like he’s about to cry again and tries to fight off his tears with a cough. There’s a lot of people around them and Seokmin probably doesn’t want to make a scene by sobbing into a cheeseburger, but Soonyoung expected this. He couldn’t imagine Seokmin </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> crying about Jeonghan. Seokmin cried over the smallest things and this was one of the biggest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still love him,” Seokmin says, voice small. “Maybe it’s stupid, but he’s the love of my life. And knowing him, he probably wants me to hate him, but...” Seokmin coughs again. “I don’t. At all. Maybe I should though. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung isn’t one to meddle. It’s not his business, but at the same time he knows that Jeonghan is miserable and he still loves Seokmin. If Seokmin loves Jeonghan and Jeonghan loves Seokmin, then the answer should be simple. It isn’t, but it should be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>talked to him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin shakes his head no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should?” Soonyoung says carefully. “For closure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin shrugs with one shoulder. “Maybe. Minghao might knock my block off though. He said Jeonghan is dead to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey by the way, I didn’t realize Minghao could be so scary,” Soonyoung shudders. He tries to lighten the conversation again. “He’s always been so nice to me and then…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah,” Seokmin laughs. He wipes the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes with a paper napkin. “He was pissed at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you call him off now?” Soonyoung pleads. “Since we’re friends again and all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin grins. “I’ll try to put in a good word.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s surprising how much better Soonyoung feels after spending time with Seokmin. It doesn’t mean that everything in his life is fixed just like that. Soonyoung still feels his personal life like a boulder on his back, but the issue with Seokmin being mostly resolved makes him feel a lot less pressure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels on top of the world when he’s walking home from Bluebird. It’s drizzling and cold, but Soonyoung is smiling after Seokmin hugs him outside the restaurant. Soonyoung makes a promise that after Thanksgiving break in a few days, they’ll hang out again. Seokmin seems over the moon about it. Soonyoung realizes he missed Seokmin like he’d miss his left arm if he woke up one day without it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decides, out of excitement alone, that he wants to call Wonwoo and tell him. Regardless of the situation about his feelings, there’s only one person he wants to tell about how happy he feels right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” Wonwoo whispers when he answers. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you? Why are you whispering?” Soonyoung asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Library. I’m working on my Programming project.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I talked to Seokmin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line gets quiet. Quiet for a long time actually. Soonyoung makes it almost an entire block before Wonwoo says something again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did...how did it go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung smiles. “Good. Like, really, really good. I told him that I was over what I felt about him and we talked. We even went to dinner. I think we’re friends again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t tell me you were over him,” Wonwoo whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Soonyoung realizes his mistake admitting that. “Well I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line goes quiet again. On the other end he can hear that Wonwoo is shuffling around and breathing. Soonyoung starts to worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So does this mean we don’t have to pretend we’re together anymore?” Wonwoo asks finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t thought about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire time he was excited about Seokmin and him making up, he didn’t consider the repercussions it would have with Wonwoo. They’d already finished the trip to the cabin. Mingyu had evidently given Wonwoo his blessing. Wonwoo had shown everyone that he had moved on. Now that Soonyoung didn’t need a reason to throw Seokmin off his scent, there was no need for Soonyoung to have Wonwoo pretend to be his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...uh…” Soonyoung says. “I guess so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung has never had a real relationship. This means he has never had a break up - real or fake - either. From observation he knows it feels terrible, even when it’s amicable. So he’s not surprised that he feels like he’s about to regurgitate his cheeseburger all over the sidewalk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it’s not just that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The feelings he has for Wonwoo. If he anthropomorphized them, they’d be grabbing onto his ankles and trying to keep him from moving right now. They’d be throwing a tantrum, screaming and crying and saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, no, no please don’t go.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Wonwoo replies cooly. “Friends then right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be Wonwoo’s friend. He wants to be his best friend. He wants more than that, too. He’s never been greedy or ever asked too much of somebody. No matter how much he wants to sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Wonwoo wants to be his friend, then he can’t ask him for anything more. He’s already asked him for too much. Regardless of their fake relationship being mutually beneficial, it still prevented Wonwoo from </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> moving on. It had sucked up two months of Wonwoo’s life. Half the reason Wonwoo had to stay in it so long was because Soonyoung and Seokmin’s whole thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>bring them back together. As friends. That was the most positive thing to come out of it. Soonyoung is grateful for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo wants to be his friend. Soonyoung wants to be Wonwoo’s friend. They clearly both want each other in their lives. Soonyoung just...he wants something else that he can’t have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Friends,” Soonyoung promises. “Best friends even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not a real break up and, yes, Soonyoung doesn’t have a point of reference. But it feels very real in that moment. When he finally makes it home, he tries to write his paper so he doesn’t have to think about it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, thank you guys so much for your kind words about this story. Loverboy is very near and dear to my heart, and hearing your feedback puts a big smile on my face.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we are. The final update. Before this all starts, everyone who has subscribed, commented, sent me curiouscat messages, shown any support in any way....thank you. When I first set out to write this story, the goal for me was to just have fun. This story not only got a lot longer than I intended, it also became incredibly important to me. I'm so grateful so many people wanted to read it and I never expected to receive such a positive response.</p><p>This ending was a long time coming. Thanks to you who were along for the ride. And thank you to the prompter! I don't know who you are, but I hope you like it.</p><p>As always, there is a playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7jBHRyZfu5FUoBmzimiJ6T?si=2YW9ZdfjRTGM-g6EaqLjMQ">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jihoon has been firmly anti-birthday his entire life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For Soonyoung, birthdays are an important thing to celebrate. Last year, he figured he’d surprise Jihoon after being told under extremely certain terms that Jihoon wouldn’t be celebrating his. Soonyoung had </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried </span>
  </em>
  <span>to bring a cupcake to him in one of the music rooms. Jihoon acted like it was an armed pipe bomb and practically crawled under his piano so Soonyoung wouldn’t sing to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it’s both surprising </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> exciting that the morning before Thanksgiving, he gets a text from Nayeon saying to meet in the arts building at noon for a Small And Casual Birthday Get-Together For Jihoon (</span>
  <em>
    <span>seriously Soonyoung don’t make a big deal out of it or he might not show up</span>
  </em>
  <span>).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jihoon looks like he’s been kidnapped. Which is probably at least half true based on the kung-fu-grip Seungkwan has on his shoulder when Soonyoung arrives. Jihoon is sitting in the center of the big table in one of the lounges and the whole scene looks suspiciously like a Last Supper painting. His shoulders go up to his ears when Jihyo puts a cone-shaped party hat on his head, but he relaxes when Chaeyoung smiles at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly it makes sense that there was such a change in his opinion on birthday celebrations. Clearly it was Chaeyoung’s idea and Jihoon has made it abundantly clear in the last few months that he’ll do whatever Chaeyoung asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, what’s even more surprising than Jihoon allowing his birthday to be acknowledged, is the fact that when Soonyoung walks up to the table, Seokmin is sitting there, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been less than twenty-four hours since their talk and Seokmin looks noticeably better than he did in his dorm last night. He’s actually dressed for one thing - not wearing sweatpants with holes - and he looks significantly less tired. There’s even a smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It really hits Soonyoung how much he’s missed him now that he’s actually there. Seokmin has always added something special to their little rag-tag group of Art School Kids. He’s the loudest for one thing, the other students in the lounge are looking over at him every time he talks. Mina is sitting in his lap and Dahyun on his left, making him laugh and clap like a seal. Things feel right in the universe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung takes the empty chair on Seokmin’s right and matches Seokmin’s smile when he settles in. “Finish your monologues?” Soonyoung asks, putting in the extra effort to be a good friend who listens and remembers things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin takes notice of it and brightens. “I picked them out...they both need work though. A lot of work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet you’re just being hard on yourself,” Soonyoung says. “Like always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin gets all sweet and bashful in a way that used to make Soonyoung swoon over him. Now it just makes him happy. It’s simply Seokmin behaving the way Seokmin always has, but knowing that Seokmin hasn’t been himself for months makes it seem like a monumental victory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “He </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> being hard on himself,” Dahyun chimes in, poking Seokmin’s shoulder. “He showed me one of them this morning and he’s still the best actor in this whole school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin covers his face with both his hands and Mina ruffles his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongyeon hurries in a few minutes later with Hansol in tow, carrying a plastic cake container in both arms. She gives profuse apologies for being so late. Hansol explains that he had to rescue her with an umbrella after it started pouring when she was halfway across campus with it. Three different people at the table yell over one another to make the same Donna Summer joke. Soonyoung loves his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t sing to Jihoon, which is to be expected, but he does blow out a two and a zero candle on the cake before Jeongyeon starts to cut into it. Soonyoung makes a point to kiss him smack on the cheek when he comes up for slices to take over to his side of the table. Jihoon looks like he’s about to take out Soonyoung’s eyeballs with the plastic fork in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone mostly takes the time together to complain about finals. At the end of every term there’s a showcase where the performing arts professors either nominate participants or have some of their class sections perform their work. A few of the people at the table who were cast in Midsummer Night’s Dream will perform a scene to promote the show. One of the upper-level ballet units that Minghao and Mina are in will have a small group performance. Soonyoung and Momo’s choreography class will have another part in the program. Jihoon - as always - had one of his pieces selected for a performance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this is probably the last time I’ll see him until December sixteenth,” Chaeyoung jokes. “Or any of you will see him...you better take advantage of it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least you’re both music majors right?” Seokmin offers - a little spark of positivity as always. “You’ll see each other at rehearsals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chaeyoung sighs and flicks Jihoon’s cone hat. “Not him. He works too hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did we choose these majors again?” Dahyun grumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we’re talented,” Nayeon says matter of factly. Tzuyu, who’s generally quiet, interjects with a loud laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those STEM kids probably think we have it easy,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “I can fill out a bubble on a scantron, but can Wonwoo Jeon recite Puck’s ending monologue? No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s stomach does a stupid little somersault at the very mention of Wonwoo’s name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of which, where is your boyfriend?” Nayeon accuses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His stomach’s somersault does not stick the landing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He totally blew us off,” Seungkwan says from across the table. “He said he was busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>busy,” Soonyoung argues in Wonwoo’s defense. “He’s just as busy as we all are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word boyfriend gives him pause though. This morning when he woke up, he was single. Whether that was a product of a fake relationship or not, it still </span>
  <em>
    <span>feels</span>
  </em>
  <span> like a real break up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That probably has everything to do with the fact that Soonyoung is slowly but surely grappling with the fact that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> - no </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> - to be in a relationship with Wonwoo. But Wonwoo doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him. He even said </span>
  <em>
    <span>does this mean we don’t have to pretend we’re together anymore</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be together. The word </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> revealed Wonwoo’s position on the matter. And that’s fine. Soonyoung is fine with it. A-Okay. Just peachy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regardless, he’s going to have to share the news with everyone sooner or later. The last thing he wants is for Wonwoo to think he was still letting people believe Wonwoo was his boyfriend. It’s actually convenient he has all of his friends gathered together like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And he um...he’s not my boyfriend anymore,” Soonyoung adds quickly, staring down at his plate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he looks up again, fork in his mouth, the entire table is staring at him. Especially Jihoon, who has his eyes narrowed at him from across the table. Seungkwan speaks first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” he glowers. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Soonyoung says quickly. “No wait. We’re good. We’re still friends!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin grabs his hand under the table. “Are you okay?” he asks, eyes wide with worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misplaced worry. Soonyoung is fine. This isn’t a big deal. They were never really dating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Soonyoung beams, mustering all the strength he has. “We’re still friends. He really is busy. You should see how many classes he was taking this term. He’s got a lot of crap he probably needs to get done for finals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Seokmin says softly. He doesn’t let go of Soonyoung’s hand under the table anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen on the trip?” Jihyo asks, frowning around her bite of cake. “I talked to Cheolie this morning and he didn’t say anything about a fight…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was no fight,” Soonyoung says with a smile. “There was...it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin squeezes his hand. “But we just talked yesterday. And it sounded like everything was going so well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just better off friends,” Soonyoung explains. He shifts his eyes over to Jihoon again so Jihoon above everyone else understands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jihoon does not look convinced. That makes Soonyoung wither. “You sure you’re okay?” Jihoon asks, looking terribly serious for a man wearing a cone hat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he looks around, it’s not just Jihoon that looks unconvinced. Everyone at the table has a pitiful look in their eyes and for all Soonyoung enjoys attention every now and again, this is not the type he ever likes to have. It makes him feel like he’s the butt of some joke. Or like he’s the victim of some dramatic irony where he’s the last person to know something about himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hates it. He knows that hate is a strong word, but he hates it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because it doesn’t help that everyone else seems to be just as sad about the break up as he is - even though he doesn’t have any right to be. It makes it a lot more difficult to ignore how he’s feeling when everyone has the need to feel it for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a bite of his cake to cut the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This cake fucks, Jeongyeon,” Soonyoung says loudly. “Have you guys tried this cake? Wow!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>happy thanksgiving my parents said hi and they miss you</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo: </b>
  <span>do they know we aren’t together anymore?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>yep. they took it ok </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>well sort of</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo: </b>
  <span>okay</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo:</b>
  <span> tell them hi </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>I think you left a textbook at my apartment</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung:</b>
  <span> I think it’s for programming class???</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>I can’t be sure. I don’t speak robot.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo:</b>
  <span> don’t need it. I’ll get it another time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>[image attached]</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>dare me to wear these shorts to rehearsal?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo: </b>
  <span>haha</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo: </b>
  <span>hey</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo:</b>
  <span> sorry to do this but I don’t think I can drive you to your classes anymore</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Wonwoo: </b>
  <span>just busy with finals </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung: </b>
  <span>don’t worry!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Soonyoung:</b>
  <span> I get it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo is avoiding him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this point Soonyoung can’t deny it or make excuses for it anymore. Not only does he have experience with it after they hooked up after Halloween and things got weird. He just knows Wonwoo enough to know when he’s being awkward about something. Evidently Wonwoo is being awkward about their fake-breakup. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though Wonwoo promised they were still friends, he can understand why Wonwoo is in a position of not knowing where they stand. Because at this point, they’ve pretended to be in love with each other for </span>
  <em>
    <span>months</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They’ve had </span>
  <em>
    <span>sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They’ve kissed more times than Soonyoung can count. All of those things probably make Wonwoo feel awkward as hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now based on what happened with the Halloween hook-up, Soonyoung knows all it will take is a conversation. That situation got fixed after they just had one singular moment to discuss their feelings. Even him and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Seokmin</span>
  </em>
  <span> were fine after they finally had the chance to talk things out. All Soonyoung needs to do is sit Wonwoo down and explain to him that there’s no need for them to avoid each other again, that it’s just like last time where they can easily move on and still be friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s just one teeny, tiny issue preventing that discussion from happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been exactly six days and five hours since they’ve broken up. In those collective one hundred and forty-nine hours, Soonyoung hasn’t gone a singular thirty minute increment without having at least one romantic thought about Wonwoo Jeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Sunday night and it’s officially two weeks before finals start. He’s studying for his Music Theory exam. He’s just barely making a B as it stands, and with the final exam and paper making up seventy percent of his grade, he can’t slack with either of them. The paper is mostly written, but the exam...Soonyoung has barely done any reading all term. Now he’s trying to play catch up when he’s so busy, he barely even has time to sleep. It’s not ideal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, if Wonwoo were here, he’d pull Soonyoung by the arms and force him to sit down and to stop overworking himself. Maybe Soonyoung would look up at him and pout, because he likes being busy. It helps him not think too much about things he shouldn’t be thinking about. Maybe Wonwoo would smile and he’d look down at Soonyoung’s mouth and he’d say</span>
  <em>
    <span> just take a short break?</span>
  </em>
  <span> And Soonyoung would giggle and wriggle his eyebrows as Wonwoo dropped to his knees in front of him...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No thinking about Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not like that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He stares down at his notebook and tries to review the page from the beginning again. The Elements of Jazz. Syncopation. Wonwoo. Variety. Off-beat. Wonwoo. What does Wonwoo think about Jazz? He probably doesn’t like it. Some of the music he listens to is really nice. It’s depressing, but it’s nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He imagines Wonwoo coming up behind him and whispering in his ear </span>
  <em>
    <span>I can tell you’re not studying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Soonyoung would lean back into Wonwoo’s chest and Wonwoo would kiss the side of his neck. He’d say to Soonyoung </span>
  <em>
    <span>what are you thinking about instead of </span>
  </em>
  <span>- Wonwoo would read the notes over his shoulder - </span>
  <em>
    <span>the elements of jazz?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soonyoung would get ticklish when Wonwoo would kiss that one spot over his neck and he’d say </span>
  <em>
    <span>you. I’m thinking about you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you like jazz? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Wonwoo would grin against that spot and then he’d...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. Stop.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung slams his notebook down on his table and sighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s like those zombie ants who get mind controlled by parasitic fungus. Soonyoung is the ant, the parasitic fungus is the fact that he’s in love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And all that love is driving him to do stupid things, like watching every bad romcom he can possibly find on Netflix before bed, or spending his entire bus ride from his parents’ house listening to Taylor Swift’s New Years Day, or scrolling through Wonwoo’s Instagram page several times a day just to look at the same twenty captioned pictures of the two of them together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart is occupying the space where his brain is supposed to be. He keeps exiting reality in favor of this dream land where Wonwoo is in love with him. One where Wonwoo is just as miserable about this fake-relationship-break-up as he is. One where Wonwoo asked ran back to him and said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>do you want to still be my boyfriend? </span>
  </em>
  <span>And when it comes between studying for a final he doesn’t care about and a daydream where Wonwoo’s emo love song playlists have been secretly crafted with Soonyoung in mind...well, the choice is clear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s easy to slip into it with all the fodder he’s unintentionally created for himself. Every debilitating crush he’s ever had before was a product of very little information about what it would be like to actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> with that person. With Wonwoo, the crush is based entirely in reality, because Soonyoung knows </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> what it would be like to be with Wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows that Wonwoo has always been on the wrong side of being lazy, but went out of his way constantly for Soonyoung in the name of being his fake-boyfriend. He knows that Wonwoo has never been one to overly-physically affectionate with Soonyoung, but that when he was fake-dating Soonyoung, he held onto him like he belonged to him. He knows that Wonwoo likes parts about his body, and likes to watch him dance, and really, really seemed to like kissing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The worst - </span>
  <em>
    <span>the absolute worst part</span>
  </em>
  <span> - is that Soonyoung knows what it’s like to have sex with him. Because for one thing he knows that it’s probably a part of what’s making Wonwoo avoid him. For the other thing, he’s absolutely tormented by how much he wants to do it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not thinking about it is hard - pun intended. And that’s where he’s at now, ignoring Music Theory notes to formulate scenarios where Wonwoo is in his apartment, happily misdirecting his attention from his notes. He’s been sitting at this table for two hours and has spent more time fantasizing about a continuation of a fake-relationship than he has with an exam he can’t afford to fail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung abandons his notebook and stumbles into his kitchen. It’s nearly midnight, but he’s got to make a cup of coffee if he’s going to study as much as he needs to. The little carafe in the machine is half full when his phone starts to ring with a FaceTime call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan hasn’t talked to him since the time he called crying. Soonyoung braces himself for the worst, but when he opens the call Jeonghan looks fine. His hair is blowing in the wind and the white scarf he’s wearing is only highlighting the pink of his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit, you look exhausted,” Jeonghan sniffs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I took Music Theory with Professor Taylor,” Soonyoung explains. “Also, that’s mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You called me!” Soonyoung grins. “Where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the background, he can see the imposing skyline of Seoul and what looks like a park. Jeonghan grins and lifts the camera up so Soonyoung can see the river, then spins so he can see the rest of the scenery. There’s small piles of snow and a bunch of bare trees. Even though it’s daytime there, Soonyoung can tell there aren’t a lot of people around. “Yeouido Park. That’s the Han,” Jeonghan explains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. Isn’t it cold?” Soonyoung hasn’t been back to Korea since high school, but he knows how cold it can get this time of year. Jeonghan has never been good with extreme temperatures in either direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I’m freezing,” Jeonghan shivers. “But I’m only here for two more weeks before my break. I’m trying to do as much as I can so I can tell my mom I did something other than spend a bunch of time getting drunk in Hongdae.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have exams?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to ignore those, too.” Jeonghan sniffs and then settles against the railing. “But that’s not why I called.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung feels the energy shift. When Jeonghan first walked into the dorm on Move-In Day, he became immediately protective of Soonyoung. It might have something to do with the fact that Jeonghan is older than him, and possibly the fact that Jeonghan is the oldest sibling in his family, but ultimately what it meant was that Jeonghan would sometimes act like a parent to Soonyoung more than a friend. He’s familiar enough with it that he knows when Jeonghan is animorph-shifting into Parent Jeonghan like he is now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you and Wonwoo broke up,” Jeonghan says gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you hear that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have my sources.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sana again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not at liberty to discuss them,” Jeonghan says, sucking on his teeth. “Are you doing okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Define “okay”. Does “okay” mean you’re not having relationship fantasies? Because in that case... </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Soonyoung sighs. “I told everyone that. Why don’t you guys believe me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we know you,” Jeonghan replies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m fine,” he says sharply. “We’re still friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung must wear his reaction to that question on his face, because Jeonghan immediately frowns at him. The lack of acting skills he has is the exact reason he’s afraid to try and fix things with Wonwoo in the first place. God forbid he’s in a room with Wonwoo and Wonwoo can see the hearts in his eyes. That would scare him off even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Soonyoung lies. “Yes. We’re good. I’m good. He’s good. We’re all good. Great, even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t buy it. “Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that makes Soonyoung’s blood boil in a way he absolutely hates. He’s not the type of person to get angry, especially at his friends, but the level of hypocrisy is reaching critical mass. How is Jeonghan Yoon of all people going to give him the advice to talk to the (fake) ex-boyfriend he’s in love with about his true feelings? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan Yoon</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jeonghan Yoon who is currently still in love with his </span>
  <em>
    <span>own</span>
  </em>
  <span> ex-boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung takes a sobering breath. “Hannie, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can talk about this right now. I’m really, really busy with studying.” He tries his best to keep breathing. “But I promise I’m okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t say anything for a moment. Long enough that Soonyoung would have thought the call was frozen if it weren’t for the wind making Jeonghan’s bangs whip all over his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to know who my source was?” Jeonghan says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seokmin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung nearly drops his phone. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think about what I said,” Jeonghan smiles. “Love you. Bye Soonie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait you can’t just end the conversation after dropping that bomb!” Soonyoung yells. As if Jeonghan was in the room. His heart is racing with the possibility that Seokmin and Jeonghan might be fixing things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I definitely can,” Jeonghan smiles even wider. And the call ends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What Jeonghan doesn’t understand is that it’s not that simple. That’s not Jeonghan’s fault because Jeonghan doesn’t understand the truth behind the relationship. He never will - per the rules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Seokmin and Jeonghan it’s much simpler. They’re two people who are in love with one another, who broke up for all the wrong reasons, and talking about their feelings could mend their relationship. Wonwoo and Soonyoung were never in a relationship at all, there isn’t a mutual love there, and talking about their feelings would mean that Soonyoung would look like a total idiot and Wonwoo would never want to speak to him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Soonyoung thinks about it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> applies as much brain power as possible to the issue, he knows that what he feels for Wonwoo will never be worth ruining the friendship he has with him. He understands why Wonwoo is feeling weird, he knows that he’s going to have to be the one to reach out first to keep their friendship from crashing and burning, and he knows there’s only one way to do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is it stupid to write a letter again? After everything that has happened over the last two months? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes. Monumentally stupid. The worst idea he’s ever had. He should have learned his lesson.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, he needs to get rid of these feelings as soon as he possibly can. This friendship is essentially a house on fire, and the longer he waits, the less there will be to save. He knows that the letters work. They’ve worked in the past - ignoring the Seokmin exception - and if they’ve worked in the past, then they will work now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clicks his pen. Once. Twice. Three times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Wonwoo,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know we said it was fake but I think I did it wro</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. That’s not right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Wonwoo,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ll never believe what I figured out. I’m in love with you and I think that we would be so good together if</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. Getting rid of feelings. Not trying to cultivate them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Wonwoo,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey ex boyfriend! How do you feel about removing the ex part? Let’s give it a shot. You and me as real boyfriends. I promise to pretend I don’t love you until you catch up to where I’m at. I mean we already have tons of practice being</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Worse! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Wonwoo,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to tell you that I never meant for this to happen. I never thought that I’d ever end up with feelings for you again. When you asked me to fake being in a relationship with you, I really thought that you and I would never have to worry about any real feelings getting in the way. We almost made it too if it weren’t for how you woke up in the morning and decided to smile at me the second you saw my face. So it’s really your fault, because you made me feel what it was like to have you love me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He crosses it out and starts again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By three in the morning, Soonyoung has sixteen unfinished letters, has drunk three cups of coffee, and still has to study for Music Theory. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everything sucks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung stares at himself in the wide mirrors of the small studio at work and tells himself that crying right now would be stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, would it be? Considering that, as previously stated, everything sucks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung had been waiting for his Thursday tiny tots class for days. It was probably more than a little pathetic </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> unfair for him to put his mental health in the hands of a few toddlers, but the kids never cease to make him happy when he’s in a horrible mood. If he can enjoy the simplicity of the children learning tap basics and telling him about their kindergarten class, then maybe he can refocus himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids don’t know he’s having a hard time and so it’s not their fault they’d been totally unmanageable all night. Some of it had to do with Angie announcing that her mom said it might snow, the other part came from Maggie’s well meaning question about why his friend with the glasses wasn’t there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, after class, he’d decided to stay for another hour or two. The final-slash-performance for the senior level choreo class was Professor Lim assigning one singular piece of music for everyone. They each get a small section of this sweeping, dramatic orchestral song that sounds like it’d play in the sad part of a Marvel movie. Soonyoung has choreographed and re-choreographed the same forty-five second, twenty-nine eight count piece at least a hundred times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> was working. He’s supposed to have it completed by next week, but he’s barely got one eight count that’s usable. He keeps running the music over and over again, trying different combos, fucking up even the most basic technique he could normally do with his eyes closed. He’s frustrated. He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>been</span>
  </em>
  <span> frustrated. Everything about the last two weeks has been frustrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Soonyoung stands in front of the studio mirror, willing himself not to cry. It’s his thirty-eighth run through and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Momo’s choreography is already amazing. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> that when they perform this piece at the end of the term showcase, there will be ballet company scouts there. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> that it’s not just the choreography making him feel like crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung is overwhelmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First of all, everyone around him is actively making the break-up worse. They’re being well-meaning, supportive people in his life, but it’s constantly reminding him about how sad he is about it. Earlier today, while in one of the art building’s practice studios, Momo had asked him how he was holding up. Seokmin keeps texting and asking if he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even his </span>
  <em>
    <span>mom</span>
  </em>
  <span> keeps calling and asking if everything is alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the truth is...NO! No. Big fucking giant flashing letter sign No. Airplanes writing with clouds in the sky No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s feelings for Wonwoo are eating him alive like a metaphorical boa constrictor. He hasn’t been able to finish a single letter. They’re all crumpled up in the bottom of his kitchen garbage can. He’s ripped out half the paper from a college ruled notebook. He’s still just as incapable of talking to Wonwoo as Wonwoo still is of, apparently, talking to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sniffles, forcibly shoving the tears back into his eyes with the palms of his hands, and then looks at his red eyes in the studio mirror. He needs to go home and sleep off this day. He’s barely eaten anything, he’s running on three hours of sleep, and he’s been dancing non-stop since nine in the morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He packs up his things and glances at the clock on the wall. It’s nearly eleven. The last trains out of downtown will be leaving soon and he has an hour commute to get home now that Wonwoo isn’t driving him to and from class. It’s another not-so-gentle reminder of how bad things are - he’s sure he’s going to have to try not to cry on the bus like a lunatic. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hopefully it will be a better day tomorrow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he tells himself, forcing himself to be positive.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe you’ll wake up and you won’t be in love anymore,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s halfway up to the big glass doors in the studio lobby when he stops in his tracks. It’s completely dark inside, and so it makes it very easy to see that there’s snow falling just on the other side of the glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And not just a little bit of snow. A fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of snow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Angie mentioned the forecast, Soonyoung had blown it off. There were lessons you learned as you grew up in Portland. One was that you never drink out of the bubblers - Soonyoung learned this one the hard way. The other was that just because the forecast </span>
  <em>
    <span>says</span>
  </em>
  <span> there will be snow, it doesn’t mean it will happen, and even if it does, the snow will melt the second it hits the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But here he is,seeing that the snow has </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> melted at all. There are still big, fat flakes falling from the sky, already gathering up on the sidewalks and streets. Even with the smallest amounts of snow, every single bus in the city will be delayed. It doesn’t snow nearly enough in Portland for even the tiniest bit of accumulation not to upend the entire public transportation system.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He digs his phone out of his pocket and checks the TriMet app, only to frantically flick through every possible route home saying the busses and trains are cancelled. He has one missed call from his mom, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> ask her to drive down here to save him, but he’d be way too worried about her trying to make it here in such bad conditions. He switches over to the Uber app to see if maybe he can call a car, but there are no drivers nearby. Maybe he could call Wonwoo, but Wonwoo wouldn’t want to come down here. Not anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly the damn of Soonyoung’s emotional turmoil breaks all at once. He cries. Pathetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s had the worst week of his life. And now he’s stranded. Alone in this dark dance studio in the Pearl District. Crying, starving, overtired, and sore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it rains, it actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> pour. Or in this case, it becomes a once in a century snowstorm in the Pacific Northwest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lets himself cry - sob hysterically, really. His phone starts buzzing with a call and he ignores it in favor of feeling sorry for himself. Then a second set of vibrations starts, signalling another call. Then, by the third time his phone rings, Soonyoung decides to finally look at the screen just as the call goes to voicemail.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Missed call (3) Wonwoo</b>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second Soonyoung thinks he might have called Wonwoo by mistake. There’s no reason for Wonwoo to be calling him right now, and especially not three times in a row. Maybe in Soonyoung’s total emotional breakdown he subconsciously called him. Maybe Wonwoo is butt-dialing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s only one way to find out. He calls back. Against his better judgment really. Realistically Wonwoo is the last person he should talk to in his fragile state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung?” Wonwoo answers. His voice is crackly and distorted like he’s on speaker phone, but there’s a tone of relief that Soonyoung is completely thrown by. “Finally. Are you there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hiiii. Yeah, I’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s throat feels like he swallowed a knife, and he is really, really trying not to sound like he’s just been having a pity-party for himself. But something unspools inside him at hearing Wonwoo’s deep voice over the phone, organically calling him after so long. It’s only been two weeks, but it’s been a </span>
  <em>
    <span>pointed</span>
  </em>
  <span> two weeks and Soonyoung feels a strange relief layered with all the other emotions he’s feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” Soonyoung adds, trying to sound casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you?” Wonwoo asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am…” Soonyoung looks around, deciding to be honest. “At the studio.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The snow is really bad,” Wonwoo responds. “I got...” He pauses and Soonyoung’s lip wobbles dangerously. “I got worried. I was worried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Worried?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...” Soonyoung sighs. “You don’t have to worry about me…” His voice cracks. “I’m in the process of trying to find a way home right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung? Are you crying? What’s wrong?” Wonwoo asks softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s so much concern in his voice that it makes Soonyoung burst into tears again and he’s so embarrassed. He knows Wonwoo has seen him ugly cry before, but this is different. This is not how he expected their first post-break-up, post-avoidance conversation to go. Soonyoung has spent so much time writing a script for it in his head, he never considered it would be under the circumstances of a snowstorm and Wonwoo being worried about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Soonyoung chokes out. “I’m...</span>
  <em>
    <span>ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry. It’s been a really bad day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming...” Wonwoo says seriously. There’s rustling on the other line and then Wonwoo’s voice gets closer to the receiver like he’s off speakerphone. “Downtown to get you. I just need to get dressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sniffles and then his voice pitches again. “You don’t have to do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to leave you down there,” Wonwoo says like he’s offended by Soonyoung’s suggestion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But…” Soonyoung protests. It’s not very often he’s completely rendered speechless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there in a little bit. Don’t do anything stupid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes Wonwoo twenty minutes to make it to him. It takes Soonyoung the same amount of time to regulate his breathing enough to go outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s that one crazy scene at the end of Shrek 2, where Shrek in his really handsome-human-form rides on white-horse-Donkey all the way into Far Far Away to save Fiona. This situation feels like that, except ten times as romantic. Wonwoo drove downtown in the middle of a snowstorm to save Soonyoung from being stranded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing about that is helping to dispel </span>
  <em>
    <span>any</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the feelings Soonyoung has. Soonyoung still </span>
  <em>
    <span>very much</span>
  </em>
  <span> has big, intense feelings for Wonwoo. Wonwoo is actively making the situation worse with this Knight In Shining Armor act.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t speak beyond saying hello when Soonyoung opens the door to the Jeep. Soonyoung is so caught up on just seeing Wonwoo in person again that he’s having trouble formulating any words beyond </span>
  <em>
    <span>hi</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not like he’s forgotten what Wonwoo looks like, but looking at him in a picture is a lot different than the 4D experience of being able to smell his cologne and making eye contact with him. Wonwoo is Stop-With-The-Door-Half-Open hot. Stand-Outside-In-The-Middle-Of-A-Snowstorm hot. Forget-How-To-Speak-Both-Languages-You’re-Fluent-In hot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo is wearing the same hoodie he let Soonyoung borrow after Halloween. He looks like he’s been drinking more coffee than he has been sleeping and there’s a little bit of stubble on his chin like he’s been lazy about shaving. He’s got on his usual black beanie, and Soonyoung would bet money on Wonwoo’s hair being an unbrushed mess underneath it. It probably smells nice. Like him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. This is terrible.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks perfect. It makes Soonyoung want to throw up all the butterflies swarming in his stomach like Ron throws up those slugs in Harry Potter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on you’re letting the cold in,” Wonwoo grouches. He tucks his chin behind the knit scarf he’s wearing and shivers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He settles into the car and Wonwoo nudges the plastic bag on the center console. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a little bit of kimchi fried rice in there. I figured you hadn’t eaten dinner because you never do. You don’t have to eat it if you’re not hungry,” Wonwoo says. He doesn’t look in Soonyoung’s direction at all. He just puts his Jeep into drive and slowly makes his way back onto the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung is way too sensitive for this gesture. For all the gestures. For the entire thing Wonwoo is doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens the bag and silently takes out the tupperware container. It’s still warm and the heat of the plastic makes his cold fingers tingle with the temperature change. He actually, honest to god, might start crying again. Over some </span>
  <em>
    <span>kimchi fried fucking rice</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Soonyoung says quietly. “I haven’t eaten all day. And thanks for...for um...y’know...coming to rescue me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank Mingyu. He heard where I was going and packed it up for you,” Wonwoo says. His voice is flat and he’s still not looking in Soonyoung’s direction. “And I wasn’t going to leave you down here without a way home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung digs his chopsticks into the rice and tries to swallow some around the lump in his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You’re cool. This doesn’t mean anything.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Like...how dare he? How dare Wonwoo do this? Be perfect and thoughtful and caring. Be so good-looking for somebody who clearly hasn’t been getting enough sleep. Be so stupidly romantic when Soonyoung is trying so hard to get over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing saving Soonyoung from embarrassing himself is how awkward Wonwoo is acting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the road conditions worsening as they get out of the insulation of the highrises downtown, Wonwoo is having to drive slower and slower. The car ride is being prolonged. Wonwoo is white-knuckling the steering wheel, going barely ten miles an hour across the Steel Bridge so he doesn’t accidentally careen his car into the Willamette river. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car is completely silent and obviously Wonwoo doesn’t know what else to say to him. Wonwoo isn’t playing music, neither of them speak. All Soonyoung can hear is the nasty sound of himself chewing. It is undoubtedly one of the worst, most uncomfortable car rides Soonyoung has ever experienced. This includes the time he failed his driving test thirty seconds into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clearly Wonwoo drove down here to pick him up because Wonwoo still cares about him at some fundamental and overtly platonic level. But also, clearly, Wonwoo is regretting that decision. Soonyoung knows him. Wonwoo so painfully unsettled by being trapped in this car, he looks about ready to tuck and roll out of it while it’s still in drive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Soonyoung </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do is suck it up and use this opportunity to his advantage. There’s no way in hell Wonwoo is going to be the first one to break the silence. Wonwoo is going to sit here and be awkward for the rest of the car ride and then probably the rest of their lives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung on the other hand, has had lots of practice with hiding his feelings. He did it with Jihoon once upon a time. He did it with Seokmin for a year and he basically lived with him. He’s a historically bad liar, sure, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span> maybe Seokmin just happened to be oblivious to his crush, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span> his feelings for Wonwoo feel different than what he’s ever felt before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he could do this. He has to do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what he does is this:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I ever tell you I ate so much kimchi once that I puked?” Soonyoung asks. He makes himself abundantly comfortable, reaching to fiddle with the radio so the car isn’t so silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Wonwoo mumbles. He doesn’t take his eyes off the road as he watches Soonyoung press several buttons on the touch screen trying to find a station. His shoulders </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> relax slightly when he sighs and shoos Soonyoung’s hand away from the volume control so he can turn up the music. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay well,” Soonyoung speaks around another mouthful of rice. “I was in Namyangju and I was trying to eat as much as I could of my grandma’s before I had to leave. Then my uncle had to pull over halfway to the airport and I puked in a rest area bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old were you?” Wonwoo says tonelessly. He pauses, glances in Soonyoung’s direction, and then looks back to the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was that last time I went...our senior year of high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo outright laughs. “You puked from overeating kimchi at seventeen years old? I’m surprised I didn’t know this already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hid it from you on purpose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably a good idea,” Wonwoo chuckles. “I am judging you a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a good sign. Soonyoung is making jokes and Wonwoo is laughing at them. Whether Soonyoung takes particular notice of the scrunch of Wonwoo’s nose when he laughs. Well...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This snow, huh?” Wonwoo says, taking a red light as an opportunity to crane his neck up to see the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung wants to cheer out loud with joy. It might be from the months of lying to everyone he knows about a fake relationship, but maybe Soonyoung </span>
  <em>
    <span>has </span>
  </em>
  <span>gotten better at lying. Whatever he’s doing now to convince himself </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wonwoo that their friendship is still totally normal is working. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo is continuing the conversation! He’s doing it! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah aside from it making me bawl my eyes out earlier, it’s pretty exciting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo glances at him. “It hasn’t snowed like this since we were kids.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they were nine years old, Portland had a snowstorm that shut down the city for a week and a half. The first night of snow happened to fall when Wonwoo was having a sleepover Soonyoung’s house, just a few days after Valentine’s day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s mom woke them up before the sun had even risen, telling them to go check the window with a big smile on her face. Overnight, something around two feet had accumulated, with even more to come later in the day. Wonwoo would end up having to spend a few days at Soonyoung’s house because there was no way for him to get back to his house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung doesn’t remember a lot of things with total clarity the way he remembers that snowstorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to take a walk through it with me?” Wonwoo asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question takes Soonyoung completely off guard and he straight up chokes on a grain of rice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Soonyoung turns his head to look at Wonwoo, the expression he has on his face is uncertain. Soonyoung’s mind unhelpfully supplies that it sort of looks like Wonwoo is nervous and he’s asking Soonyoung on a date. Which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> what Wonwoo is doing. Wonwoo is only looking at him like this because he thinks asking Soonyoung to hang out is weird now. Also, probably because Soonyoung looks like he’s choking to death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you and what have you done with Wonwoo Jeon?” Soonyoung coughs, trying to recover from the shock of the question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives him a wounded look. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Soonyoung rushes to say. “I just mean you’re...like always cold. I’m surprised you want to go walk around in the snow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>...with me. Go walk around in the snow with ME.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo readjusts his grip on the steering wheel and swallows so hard, throat clicking. It’s awkward again. Soonyoung needs to fix it quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I super, duper want to though,” Soonyoung says, shoveling more rice into his mouth and smiling at Wonwoo. “It never snows like this. I want to see it just in case it’s gone in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Wonwoo raises his eyebrows. He looks at Soonyoung for confirmation before the light finally turns green and he eases through the intersection. “You don’t have to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” Soonyoung promises. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to. He just hopes it doesn’t backfire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It does. In two ways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Number one, the campus and everything around it is totally empty. The snow is beautiful. The brick buildings all around campus look picturesque and there aren’t any people or cars messing up the blanket of white on the ground. There’s no sound at all except for the crunching of their boots in the six inches of accumulation. It’s peaceful. And romantic. And it’s really, really making Soonyoung want to hold Wonwoo’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Number two, Wonwoo is way better dressed for the snow than Soonyoung is. The outfit Wonwoo is wearing is the same one he wore during their failed attempt at snowboarding. All Soonyoung has on is a hoodie, a puffer coat, and doubled up sweatpants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo stops him in the middle of the sidewalk and says, “Here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Soonyoung knows it, Wonwoo is taking off his own scarf and wrapping it around Soonyoung’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Soonyoung asks, jaw hanging open. The scarf on his shoulders immediately helps, still warm from Wonwoo’s body heat. “But…” Soonyoung tries to force himself to speak. “You get so cold?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo shoves his hands in his pockets and starts to walk again. “I could hear your teeth chattering. I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung has to take a calming, centering breath. His heart is jumping around all over the place in his chest. Not only is it </span>
  <em>
    <span>another</span>
  </em>
  <span> sweet gesture, but the scarf smothers him with the smell of Wonwoo - cologne, soap, etc. He takes a quick second to wrap it around his face and bury his nose into it before catching up to Wonwoo as quickly as he can without slipping on the sidewalk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo reads the forecast off his phone the second Soonyoung is at his shoulder again. “It might not actually melt, it’s supposed to snow all night and all day tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think they’ll cancel class?” Soonyoung says excitedly. If his work closes and all his classes at school are cancelled, it might actually be a miracle. Maybe whatever gods saw him sobbing in the dance studio lobby took pity on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Wonwoo says, shoving his hands back into his pockets. “That’d be nice. I’m exhausted.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finals right?” Soonyoung suggests. He’s sure that Wonwoo isn’t totally lying about being busy. Avoidance was part of it, he’s ninety-nine percent sure of that. He also knows that Wonwoo has an outrageous courseload and the evidence of it is filling the bags under his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Wonwoo agrees. “Finals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me, too. I’ve been in the practice rooms so much. I have crazy blisters on my feet right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ew,” Wonwoo mutters, but he laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung also knows that he still needs to work to make Wonwoo feel comfortable. He’s used to having to speak for him. He grew up speaking for him. So he decides to give Wonwoo an out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy,” Soonyoung says. “I know I haven’t been able to hang out as much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s sort of a lie, but what’s one more lie tonight? He’ll gladly take the blame for something he didn’t start if it can be the olive branch between them. It’s Soonyoung saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>no hard feelings for you blowing me off for two weeks</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh,” he breathes out. “Yeah. I’ve been really busy, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It’s okay,” Soonyoung smiles. He nudges into Wonwoo’s shoulder. “After finals are over, you won’t be able to get rid of me. Even if it’s just me coming over and watching you game for hours. That’s pretty normal for us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That makes Wonwoo smile, too. Half-heartedly at best, which Soonyoung assumes is because he feels guilty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can play Overwatch together,” Wonwoo offers. “If you forgot stuff I can show you again. You actually weren’t that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung thinks back to the first time Wonwoo helped him play that game. He’d wrapped his arms around Soonyoung, covered his hands on the mouse and keyboard, spoken directly into his ear. Soonyoung is pretty sure if Wonwoo did that to him now, he’d have a brain aneurysm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe!” Soonyoung lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They cross the last street that separates them from the main part of the college, pass through the breezeway between the arts building and the student union, and into the quad. Soonyoung nearly trips over himself as they reach the edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The snow here is completely untouched. It’s a football field length of pure white, glowing almost blue from the lamplight. There’s snow hanging in the trees, bunching up on all the benches and steps to the buildings, covering all the pathways. It’s like a lake of snow, perfectly preserved. It’s amazing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Wonwoo sighs. “Pretty.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung gets a little bit caught up looking at Wonwoo as he looks around in wonderment. There’s this half-open-mouthed-smile on his face and his eyes are shining behind his glasses. He looks beautiful. Like more beautiful than the snow. Soonyoung is so fucked.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ignore it. You can do this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Soonyoung calls over his shoulder as he starts off towards the most open part of the quad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stumble-runs into the snow, Wonwoo warning him to slow down so he doesn’t trip. Which he does trip, several times, but never actually falls thankfully (the last thing he needs is Wonwoo coming to his rescue again). Once he makes it to the very center of the quad, he spins around with his arms open, head turned to the sky, and laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you laughing like that?” Wonwoo asks with amusement. He crosses his arms over his chest and watches Soonyoung go tipsy-turvy with dizziness. “You sound crazy,” he laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you love this though?” Soonyoung asks genuinely. He squats down so the world stops spinning, and shoves his hands into the snow, marveling at the way his hands sink in halfway up to his elbows. “Look at how deep it is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you and I just have a different way of enjoying things,” Wonwoo mumbles. He takes out his phone to start taking some pictures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think,” Soonyoung grins. He squeezes two fistfulls of snow. “You’re just getting even more boring as you get older.” Soonyoung throws both fistfulls in Wonwoo’s direction. They don’t have the density to be snowballs, and Soonyoung throws like his arms are made of rubber like Gumby, but one of them loose clumps hits Wonwoo in the hip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gapes at where some of the snow has stuck to his snow pants, and then looks back at Soonyoung with shock. “What was that for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Soonyoung flashes Wonwoo another smile. “This?” He tosses another cluster of snow, missing Wonwoo entirely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hesitates for all of three seconds before packing a snowball himself. Soonyoung grabs what he can in his palms before running off down the middle line of the quad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He makes it about fifteen feet before Wonwoo beans him in the back of the head. He doesn’t experience snow nearly enough to be familiar with how much it hurts, but the adrenaline makes him shout in a happy way more than anything else. He turns around, still running, and throws one of his shitty snowballs back at Wonwoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs when he misses. “You suck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just got a lucky shot!” Soonyoung taunts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another few feet and Wonwoo hits him right in the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you running in a straight line, stupid? It makes it easy to hit you,” Wonwoo shouts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung giggles, starts jogging backwards, and throws his other fistfull. This time, Wonwoo is a lot closer, and it hits him square in the face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo sputters, and Soonyoung is too busy laughing to focus on running in reverse. His heel catches on something underneath the snow and he falls on his ass, laughing too hard at Wonwoo spitting the snow out of his mouth to really care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung flops down onto his back, holding his stomach and trying to catch his breath. Running when it’s this cold is somehow worse than running when it’s hot. He feels like his lungs are literally on fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got snow on my glasses,” Wonwoo grumbles, standing over Soonyoung with a scowl on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. Let me see,” Soonyoung manages to get out. He makes grabby hands for the glasses and Wonwoo passes them down before sitting next to Soonyoung </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung fishes out the edge of his hoodie sleeve that’s the least wet and rubs it over Wonwoo’s lenses. He’s done this a million times for him, especially as kids. He breathes hot air on them and then gives them one more pass over before handing them back over to Wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Wonwoo mumbles, putting them back on his face. He lies down in the snow next to Soonyoung, then immediately hisses and tenses up. “Fuck it’s cold. How are you laying down like this?” Wonwoo complains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> cold and Soonyoung’s doubled up sweatpants are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> waterproof. But this is the best view of the snow there is. The leafless trees create a frame around the sky and Soonyoung can hear the flakes falling quietly next to his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They aren’t laying too far apart. Wonwoo has settled in close enough that their shoulders are almost touching. Out of Soonyoung’s periphery he can see the puffs of Wonwoo’s breath. Soonyoung knows that if he looks over, he’ll see how close Wonwoo is and it’ll be </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>close. Way too close for him not to do something stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When the hell did you get so good at sports?” Soonyoung giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, cause I can throw a snowball better than you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo laughs. “I actually started going to the gym </span>
  <em>
    <span>specifically</span>
  </em>
  <span> because you blasted me with one when we were nine. I’ve been plotting my revenge ever since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remember that?” Soonyoung asks, rubbing snowflakes out of his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I remember it. I also remember that you tried to use your heelies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and you convinced me not to,” Soonyoung laughs. “I think you used to be like...at least fifty percent of my impulse control.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> more than that,” Wonwoo laughs softly. “I also remember you kept waking me up super fucking early to go out and play. And I remember that your mom made us hotteok and warm milk and we had it next to the fireplace. I was so sad I had to leave at the end of that week. I cried when I had to go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The miserable sentimentalist in Soonyoung is possessing his entire body now. He feels warm and soupy like melted wax, regardless of the temperature. “You remember a lot more than I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you not remember that stuff?” he asks. “I remember a ton of stuff from when we were kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the hotteok. Or that you were sad to leave,” Soonyoung hums. “But I remember that the power went out and that’s how I found out you were afraid of the dark. Oh! And that I tried to convince my dad to let you move in with us permanently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t go for it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, weirdly enough. Personally, I thought it was a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t say anything. Not for a few seconds. Long enough for Soonyoung to wonder why. And he should have known better than to turn his head. There was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>reason</span>
  </em>
  <span> he didn’t want to look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because when he does, Wonwoo is already looking at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung’s heart beats so hard in his chest, he thinks he might have cracked a rib. They’re so much closer than Soonyoung realized. Wonwoo is only inches away and Soonyoung’s eyes have to go a little unfocused to see him. But when he does, he sees that Wonwoo’s nose is pink and there are snowflakes in his eyebrows, and the second that Soonyoung makes eye contact with him he smiles this dorky, shy smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung puffs out an awkward laugh and Wonwoo's smile starts to fade into something awful and delicate. He blinks and looks away like he’s realizing how strange it is to be staring straight at Soonyoung’s face when he’s only an inch away from it. But then - after only a second - he looks back and stares. Openly stares. Right into Soonyoung’s eyes like it’s not that weird at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soonyoung is so in love with him. So miserably, stupidly, pathetically in love with him. The words almost slip out on their own.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He can’t do this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo,” Soonyoung whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He really can’t do this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Wonwoo asks, eyebrows furrowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He has to tell him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to tell you something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sits upright and he can see in the corner of his eye that Wonwoo sits up, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is so much different than writing a letter. For one thing, Wonwoo is </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there</span>
  </em>
  <span> waiting patiently to hear what Soonyoung has to say. Soonyoung is panicking. Fully, totally, panicking. And some weird impulse tells him it’s because Wonwoo is still openly staring at him. Apparently Wonwoo Jeon has suddenly become comfortable with eye contact after twenty years on earth. It’s the most inconvenient time possible for Wonwoo to stop being so shy all the goddamn time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s dumb, but Soonyoung has to cover his eyes if he’s going to be able to get the words out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Wonwoo asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t look at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just…” Soonyoung sighs, adjusting his fingers to seal over his eye sockets.  “Trust me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay…” Wonwoo whispers. “Okay. Go ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you...before...I just want you to know that I tried really, really hard for this not to be true,” Sonyoung gulps in a lungful of cold air. “I know what we did was fake. I know we were just pretending. But then our last night at the cabin, I was sitting there in bed because Jihoon started talking some sense into me about it. And I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>One.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Two.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Three.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo I am so in love with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t say anything. Soonyoung doesn’t take his hands off his eyes. He’s too afraid to look at Wonwoo’s reaction. He knows it can’t be anything good. Soonyoung feels like he has to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry. I know that we’re just friends, I know what we did wasn’t serious. I tried to write you a letter. Or like...thirty letters. I know you probably think I’m an idiot for doing the letter thing again. But look...it helps me get over it right? But I just...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung feels the words bubbling out of his mouth too fast to make any sense. He keeps talking, “I just think maybe I couldn’t finish any of them because I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get over you. I’m sorry. I don’t want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> be in love with you. Because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> in love with you. Like really in love with you. It’s not a stupid crush or liking you. I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo, please just...I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> this is going to ruin everything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> ruined everything. Maybe if you give me some time...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo says with finality. He takes hold of Soonyoung’s wrists. His hands are </span>
  <em>
    <span>freezing</span>
  </em>
  <span> cold and Soonyoung jolts at the contact, but he lets Wonwoo drag his hands away from his eyes just the same. “Can you look at me now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung opens his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes there are these moments in movies - the sappiest, most romantic ones - where one romantic lead looks the other in the eyes and just a few seconds of eye contact explains everything they’re feeling. It’s that perfect Hollywood moment. Just before the big kiss. The type of lovey-dovey stuff that makes Soonyoung cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks at him like that. Eyes a little wider than normal behind his glasses, chest rising and falling like he’s trying to catch his breath. The hands around Soonyoung’s wrists are shaking - more than just his normal tremor or from the cold. His mouth is open like he’s trying to figure out what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks at every single part of his face before making eye contact again.  “I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is a dream. You hit your head when you fell earlier and you’re at the hospital right now in a coma.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo starts to smile. “I said I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You...love me…” Soonyoung repeats slowly. He feels like he has a concussion. Maybe he really did hit his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo cuts him off before he says anything else. He leans in, pressing their cold lips together, and kisses him. Soonyoung suddenly can’t make his brain process anything but that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <em>
    <span>feels</span>
  </em>
  <span> like a first kiss. Soonyoung’s entire body heats up despite it being a dry peck on the mouth. It’s hilariously shy for two people who have literally had sex within the last month. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>a first kiss. It’s the first kiss Soonyoung has ever had with somebody he loves. It’s also the first kiss that he’s ever had with somebody who loves him back. It’s the first kiss after a dual love confession. It’s a lot of firsts, and it’s the best kiss he’s ever had for these exact reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second kiss is even better. Soonyoung cups Wonwoo’s jaw and leans away just to lean in again. This time he opens his mouth to close down on Wonwoo’s bottom lip. Wonwoo slides his hands behind Soonyoung’s ears, knocking his hood off in the process, and draws him even closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung smiles against Wonwoo’s mouth and that makes Wonwoo smile, too. Then suddenly they’re kissing each other’s teeth more than anything else. It’s less of a kiss then, and Soonyoung pulls away enough to laugh about it. Wonwoo smiles even wider, right against the corner of Soonyoung’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been waiting for a month to do that,” Wonwoo whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we kissed all the time…” Soonyoung’s brain processing is slow, but it finally catches up after a moment. “Wait...a </span>
  <em>
    <span>month</span>
  </em>
  <span>? You’ve been in love with me for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire </span>
  </em>
  <span>month?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo nods against Soonyoung’s cheek, smoothing his thumb across the other. “Yeah. I thought I gave it away already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell would have given it away? I thought you were avoiding me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I didn’t want to break up with you, Soonyoung. I thought that was obvious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time Soonyoung kisses </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He pulls Wonwoo up by his chin so their mouths can connect again. Immediately, his arms circle Wonwoo’s neck, pulling him as close as he can possibly get him without making their chest cavities collapse. Wonwoo sighs into his mouth, parting his lips so Soonyoung can swipe his tongue across his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo evidently has been holding back on Soonyoung this entire time. He’s overeager and pushes himself so hard into Soonyoung’s chest that Soonyoung loses his balance and falls backwards into the snow. Wonwoo goes down with him and they both laugh into the kiss, but neither of them stop. Wonwoo keeps kissing him, licking into his mouth, sighing when Soonyoung does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They should probably go back to Soonyoung’s apartment. Or literally anywhere with less snow on the ground. Soonyoung desperately needs to change out of his waterlogged sweatpants and this would all be a lot easier without padded jackets on. Plus, they’re in the middle of campus. Anyone could see them doing this - kissing each other stupid like they haven’t ever kissed before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, hey, it’s not the first time they’ve made out in the quad.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Waves goodbye. Thanks for reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>-a letter from four years ago-</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Wonwoo,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I think if you read this I think you would probably be grossed out. Trust me, I wish I didn’t feel this way either. It’s been two weeks since we had our first kiss at the rose festival. I thought maybe by now I would stop being so dumb, but I am here to confirm that you are the smart one between the two of us.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t stop thinking about the way your lips fit against mine. It was definitely a bad idea to kiss you because now it’s all I can think about when we’re together. All I want to do is kiss you again and you’re definitely going to notice that I can’t stop staring at your mouth. Like, wow that mouth touched my mouth. Your lips are really nice. Did you know that? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The thing is, when I was little my parents always told me that the person I should spend my life with is my best friend. I always figured that meant I would meet somebody who would become my best friend after I had feelings first. But that might not be true. You’re my best friend. Maybe I’ve always loved you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love is a CRAZY word to use. If I could tell you about this you’d probably say that I was too young to be in love with somebody. And that’s probably true. Sometimes I feel like my heart is too big for my own body. Like a curse or something. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Here’s the thing though. Why should I have to ignore how strong I feel about you just because I’m young? There are lots of great love stories out there that start when the people are young. It doesn’t matter when you meet the person you’re supposed to be with. When you find them, who cares if you’re eight years old or eighty five? When two people should be together it shouldn’t matter. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Wonwoo Jeon, I think we should be together. I think you are my best friend in the universe (yes, universe!!!) and I think that maybe you are the love of my life.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You probably don’t feel this way. Which is why I’m writing this letter in the first place. Hopefully it helps me get over how I feel about you, but if I could wish for something, it would be that you would be willing to give us a shot. I know you’re straight and we’ve been so gross around each other our whole lives.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I think we’d make each other happy. I think that you’re my person and you always have been. You probably always will be.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Soonyoung</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung had big plans for New Year’s Eve. He’s dressed up for the party they’re currently supposed to be at, he’s got a bottle of champagne between his legs that he was planning on popping open hours ago. None of his plans for tonight involved sitting in the car on the eighth floor of the parking structure at the Portland International Airport.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>New Year’s Eve is a big event at Evergreen. Since most of the students are local, they elect to celebrate the holiday with their friends on campus. Even the kids from outside of Portland come back to school early just to take advantage of the parties. Last year, most of his friends went to this party at this Theatre Major’s apartment. Soonyoung did so many peppermint Schnapps shots that he had a hangover until the third of January.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This year, the party is at Wonwoo’s fraternity house. Soonyoung looks through his phone, flipping through Instagram stories and SnapChat stories, frowning at all the fun they’re missing out on having. Joshua Hong has posted a bunch of suspiciously well lit mirror selfies with Tzuyu and Minghao. Seungcheol is on Sana’s SnapChat screaming along to Nicki Minaj Starships with Jihyo. Dahyun is somehow in the background of every single on of Momo’s posts making a stupid face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He goes over to his messages with Seokmin. There’s five selfies in a row - most of them just Seokmin alone or with Nayeon - looking sadly at the camera.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Seokmin: </b>
  <span>Where are you? :(</span>
</p><p><b>Soonyoung:</b> <span>Almost there! </span></p><p>
  <b>Seokmin: </b>
  <span>Hurry! It’s almost time!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re cutting it close,” Soonyoung worries out loud. “It’s already eleven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The one bright spot about this night not going as planned, is that Wonwoo is wearing that size-too-small turtleneck again. Last time he had it on, Soonyoung was still in denial about finding him so attractive. Now he is fully and completely is ogling his boyfriend’s chest the second he turns to look at him. Because he can. Because that’s his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you even hear what I said?” Wonwoo asks with a smirk. “Or were you staring again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucked up that you wore that tonight,” Soonyoung complains. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo frowns. “I thought you liked this sweater.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do...that’s the problem,” Soonyoung sighs dramatically, pointedly looking up at the ceiling so he’s not looking at Wonwoo’s big, sexy muscles. “I am ready to receive information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo chuckles. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span> that flight AA3452 from Orlando is marked as arrived now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sits up in his seat again, shoving his seatbelt back into the buckle. “Okay then let’s go,” he slaps the dashboard a few times. “Come on, come on, come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They rush down to arrivals. The next few minutes of this operation are going to be vital. Their target is supposed to not have checked a bag so they won’t have to wait for that. If they time it perfectly, they can extract him, start the thirty minute drive back to campus, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>hopefully</span>
  </em>
  <span> make it in time for this plan to have the intended effect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo whips the Jeep in and out of traffic. Soonyoung is scoping out the curbside for a head of peroxide blonde hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There! I see him!” Soonyoung points ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo skids up alongside the curb to where Jeonghan is standing and Soonyoung shouts through the rolled down window. “Get in! We gotta go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan practically throws his carry-on bag into the back of Wonwoo’s Jeep and then throws himself in along after it. Soonyoung twists around in his seat, ignoring the way the seatbelt fights against it, and hugs Jeonghan while Wonwoo drives out towards the exit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a fucking nightmare,” Jeonghan grumbles into Soonyoung’s ear. “My stupid flight got delayed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung sits back down in his chair and Jeonghan starts unzipping his bag, tossing out shirts and pants and shoes. Wonwoo glances back at him through the rearview mirror and looks concerned about how messy his car is about to become with Jeonghan using it as his own personal dressing room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiles at him in the reflection. “Hi Wonwoo. Please drive very fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks back at the road. “Hi Jeonghan. I’m trying to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make it,” Soonyoung promises, craning his neck to look back. “He has no idea. He thinks you’re on a plane back to Seoul right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a certain Jeonghan flavor of panic that Soonyoung is used to seeing. After living with Jeonghan for two years, he’s seen him in various states of anxiety. Of course, Jeonghan always tries to act like he’s not ruffled by things. In reality though, Jeonghan’s tells are pretty easy to spot once you’re familiar. For instance, Jeonghan is trying to button up his shirt and curses in Korean under his breath when he realizes he buttoned it wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be nervous,” Soonyoung says gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan ignores him. “I’m not nervous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seokmin is going to love this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said I’m not nervous.” Jeonghan looks up at him with a scowl and then sighs. “Soonyoung what if he’s upset that I came. We’re not even really…” He flings his hands around in the air. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Together.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>This detail actually means nothing. The only reason they aren’t officially back together is because they’ve only been talking since the beginning of the month. However, Soonyoung has spent countless hours talking to both of them and knows that trying to direct the conversation to anything but the other is impossible. Seokmin was on his floor </span>
  <em>
    <span>this morning</span>
  </em>
  <span> crying about how Jeonghan was going to be a seventeen hours time difference again instead of just three.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soonyoung says seriously. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> know Seokmin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> know Seokmin. He’s going to think this is the romantic thing that’s ever happened. You flew all the way across the country just to be his New Year’s kiss. He is going to bawl like a little baby. Don’t be nervous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan seems satisfied enough with that answer to reattempt the buttons on his shirt. Soonyoung turns back around in his seat to face the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ironically, Soonyoung is nervous. Well not </span>
  <em>
    <span>nervous</span>
  </em>
  <span> per se, but he’s definitely giddy with excitement. When he first hatched this plan with Jeonghan, it felt like the least he could do. Jeonghan still didn’t know about Soonyoung’s feelings for Seokmin (and Seokmin is good at keeping secrets, so hopefully he never does). In Soonyoung’s mind, helping Jeonghan fix things was a way to silently pay him back for wanting to bang his boyfriend for an entire year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as the plan worked itself into a reality, Soonyoung got invested. For months, their break up has eaten at him. Both of them were miserable and everything that had happened made it so Soonyoung couldn’t be there for either of them the way he wanted to be. Now he can be there for them. In a profoundly more important way. He can get them back together “officially”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s bouncing his leg on the floor so hard that he doesn’t even notice until Wonwoo grabs his thigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re shaking that champagne bottle around, the cork is going to pop out and hit you in the eye,” Wonwoo warns him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re at a stoplight, so Wonwoo takes the extra second to rub a warm palm over his knee. It’s such a simple touch, but Soonyoung relaxes into it immediately. He smiles over at Wonwoo and Wonwoo smiles back - all moony-eyed and goofy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green light.” Jeonghan waves a hand between them. “You can stare at each other when we get there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walk into the party at 11:52 on the dot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when they walk in, everyone freezes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the staircase leading down to the second level, Seungkwan is there with his back up against the wall, enthusiastically tugging on the belt loops of Hansol Chwe with his tongue down his throat. At the sound of the door shutting, they break apart and Hansol looks completely shell shocked by everything that’s going on around him. He gives Soonyoung a tiny wave and Seungkwan untangles his fingers from Hansol’s pants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhh...did I miss something?” Soonyoung asks, looking between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan motions towards Jeonghan. “Did </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>miss something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan steps forward. “Where’s Seokmin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Downstairs,” Hansol says. His voice is hoarse. “Woah, dude, does he know you’re here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope!” Jeonghan says cheerily, pulling Soonyoung’s hand to get him to follow. “You two can go back to what you were doing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The basement is packed. Soonyoung has been to tons of parties here now, but this is the first time he’s seen so many people crammed into the space and the music is </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>louder than normal. Which is incredibly unfortunate considering they only have a few more minutes to find Seokmin before midnight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stands on releve to look around, and thankfully Mingyu’s is tall enough that his head sticks out above the crowd. He’s in the corner of the smaller room, and that’s probably the best place to start if they’re going to figure out where Seokmin went. Wherever there’s a Mingyu, there’s also a Minghao, and Minghao never lets Seokmin out of his sight at parties.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them shove their way over through a bunch of people Soonyoung doesn’t even recognize. When they finally get to where they need to go, Soonyoung can see that Jihyo, Seungcheol, and Nayeon are standing there, too. They’re all sipping on cups of some kind of alcohol, except for Minghao, who is drinking wine out of a stemmed glass. Leave it to him to use appropriate glassware at a frat party of all places.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung!” Nayeon screams. She’s halfway through pulling him into a hug when she freezes at the sight of Jeonghan. “Whoa…what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo shouts over the music to Minghao. “Do you know where Seokmin is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On the dancefloor,” Minghao shouts back, but he’s not looking in Wonwoo’s direction. He’s staring straight at Jeonghan with his eyes narrowed. Soonyoung remembers that look. It still gives him the heebie jeebies, even when it’s not directed at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane to Korea right now?” Minghao asks flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiles at him, completely unmoved by the display of distrust and contempt. “Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was with Dahyun, I think,” Mingyu offers. “Did you know he thinks you’re going back to Seoul?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t answer that question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hurry onto the dancefloor just in time for the music to cut off. Up by the turntables, Chaeyoung uses Jihoon’s shoulder to stand on her tiptoes and call out a One Minute Til Midnight warning. It’s getting close, and when Soonyoung finally spots Seokmin, he’s all the way on the opposite side of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan practically pushes people out of his way, Soonyoung takes Wonwoo’s hand and tugs him through the pathway Jeonghan clears. It’s hot and it’s stuffy, and Soonyoung is totally shaking up that bottle of champagne again. But if they don’t get there in time, this whole idea would have been for nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thirty seconds!” Chaeyoung yells.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dahyun notices Jeonghan before Seokmin does. She stares, and then Sana notices, and then Momo and Mina notice, too. They’re all staring and Seokmin is still wildly gesticulating in the air as he loudly talks. And Jeonghan is standing there, glued to the spot, not immediately grabbing Seokmin like the plan entailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin laughs loudly. “What the heck are you all looking at? Is there something…” he says, and then tapers off, as he finally turns around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung feels like he can’t breathe. Seokmin looks at Jeonghan from the toes of his boots to the frizz of his hair, eyes nearly falling out of his head with total shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd starts to chant: “Ten! Nine! Eight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?” Seokmin says. Soounyoung can’t hear him, but he can see the shape of his mouth around Jeonghan’s name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seven! Six! Five!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s hand is still in Soonyoung’s and he squeezes it so hard he might break his knuckles. Seokmin’s eyes start to shine with the tears Soonyoung was expecting to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Four! Three! Two!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan reaches forwards and grabs Seokmin by the back of his head, pulling him into a kiss just as the crowd shouts “One!” Seokmin’s hands flounder midair before settling on Jeonghan’s waist, pulling him in by the hips, and holding him close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are certain things that are just meant to be. Stars in the sky, fish in the sea, Soonyoung’s undiagnosed lactose intolerance and his affinity for dairy products. Jeonghan Yoon and Seokmin Lee, not letting distances and break ups keep them apart. And most of all this…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung uses Wonwoo’s hand to pull him down to his height. He grabs him by the chin and says, “Happy New Year Wonwoo Jeon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he kisses him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung doesn’t drink champagne often enough for it not to have an effect on him immediately. It doesn’t help that he’s probably had an entire bottle’s worth by one in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Joshua Hong’s bright idea to switch out the beer with champagne for flip cup. Soonyoung doesn’t have the alcohol tolerance to drink heavily in any capacity. Especially when it comes to drinking games. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially</span>
  </em>
  <span> because he’s so bad at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily, with it being an hour after the big event, most of the crowd starts to thin. Soonyoung is pouring himself another cup in the smaller room while everyone else is out on the dancefloor. The basement becomes a space for mostly his friends to dance to Jihoon’s music without being disturbed by random people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung feels just as bubbly as the cup of champagne in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before, when he was still fake-dating Wonwoo and completely unaware of his feelings, he imagined something like this. All he wanted was for Wonwoo and him to be best friends, for them to be friends with each other’s friends, for their friends to be friends with one another. And here it is, happening before his very eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hansol and Seungkwan are dancing in the tight little circle Sana and the rest of The Girls have formed. Minghao is laughing at something Joshua Hong is saying, who now has his </span>
  <em>
    <span>own</span>
  </em>
  <span> wine and glassware, and Tzuyu keeps silently asking Joshua Hong for sips. Jeonghan is filming Seokmin dancing behind the DJ booth with Jihoon, excitedly singing along to a song with Chae. Cheol, Mingyu, and Wonwoo are playfully arguing over something while Jihyo looks like she’s trying to mediate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It honestly makes Soonyoung a little weepy to see. He rubs at his eye to make sure he’s not actually crying over this.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Probably the champagne.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where have you been?” Wonwoo says as he walks over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung smiles as he drinks the rest of his cup. He sets it down behind him on the table and leans up to wrap his arms around Wonwoo’s neck. “I went pee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, babe. You know how I get how I drink,” he pouts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo blanches at the pet name and Soonyoung fake wretches in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t think we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>babe</span>
  </em>
  <span> people,” Wonwoo sighs, gripping Soonyoung’s waist. “Or sweetheart. Or baby. Or honey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait wait wait,” Soonyoung says, sliding his hands down to Wonwoo’s chest and emphasizing each word with a pat. “Baby works in </span>
  <em>
    <span>certain</span>
  </em>
  <span> contexts. We discovered that together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks up at the ceiling like he’s praying and sighs, “Okay fine. You liked to be called baby in </span>
  <em>
    <span>certain contexts</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He says the last part in an imitation of Soonyoung’s voice. He’s always so good at that impression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung catches his eyes when Wonwoo looks back down. It’s funny, for months they were having to give warnings every time they kissed each other. Now whenever they make eye contact for more than a second it’s like they’re two person-shaped magnets, always attaching at the mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo leans away and smiles. “I kind of want to get out of here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh are you not having fun?” Soonyoung frowns, rubbing his hands over Wonwoo’s chest. He can feel the edge of his pectoral muscles, the top ridges of his abs.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This fucking turtleneck oh my god.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo glances down at his hands. “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to leave?” he asks teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung gives him the most toothy, sharky smile he has. “I mean technically we don’t need to </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span> for what I’m thinking…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the look on Wonwoo’s face, he understands exactly what Soonyoung is trying to say. Seungcheol keeps saying they’re in their honeymoon phase. Or well, he actually said </span>
  <em>
    <span>you guys are in the honeymoon phase, but the least you could do is do it at Soonyoung’s apartment and not in the shared bathroom shower at our house.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Which is basically the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But can anyone really blame Soonyoung for wanting to have his hands all over Wonwoo all the time? Have they </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked </span>
  </em>
  <span>at him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo cups Soonyoung’s cheeks. “Maybe I just want to spend some time alone with you, Soonyoung. You ever consider that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung smiles around his squished cheeks and laughs. “Wonwoo Jeon you are such a romantic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m the romantic? You’re the one who writes love letters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those love letters are the only reason we even got together at all. So you’re welcome.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung never did figure out who sent them. It wasn’t worth confronting Seungkwan over. He was the most likely person, but there was no proof. Wonwoo suggested that it was Soonyoung’s parents who had done it, but that theory wasn’t that solid either. The funniest - and potentially most believable theory - is that Soonyoung accidentally did it himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The letters had set off a chain reaction regardless of who sent them. If they’d never been sent, nothing that had happened over the last two months would have occurred - the good </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>the bad parts. Seokmin and Jeonghan would have probably never gotten back together. Seungkwan wouldn’t be off on the corner making out with Hansol. Wonwoo and him would have probably gone the rest of their college years without speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would have been a lot less crying and snot. Also less mortifying embarrassment. But also a lot less of Wonwoo looking at him like this - like he is right now. Eyes fond and lips spread into a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Soonyoung is so grateful he stamped those envelopes. Forget what everyone else said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t act like if Taemin had replied, you wouldn’t have left me in a heartbeat,” Wonwoo jokes, slipping his hands down to the sides of Soonyoung’s neck. His thumbs edge up under his ears, folding them forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nooooo,” Soonyoung protests. “Well okay...actually...in this scenario what does Taemin say in the letter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo barks out his biggest, ugliest laugh. The one that Soonyoung loves so much. He watches Wonwoo’s nose scrunch up around his smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is absolutely nobody on earth I would leave you for. So you should feel really bad,” Wonwoo says, looking between his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you love me?” Soonyoung asks hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Wonwoo leans down and kisses him again. Not in that horny college party way. Not in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’re kissing each other to make your ex jealous</span>
  </em>
  <span> way. Not even in the two boyfriends in love way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Wonwoo kisses him says: when you were sixteen and wrote in that letter that you and I were meant to be together all along, you were absolutely right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung breaks away from the kiss feeling breathless and lightheaded. For once, falling in love so easily doesn’t seem like a bad thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go home, Soonie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>---</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Instagram</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Four Unread Messages</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Junhui_Wen: </b>
  <span>I really hope that this is the same Soonyoung Kwon from dance camp. If you are not that Soonyoung Kwon, please ignore this. I’ve been looking all over Instagram for like a week and did you know how many Soonyoungs there are on here?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Junhui_Wen: </b>
  <span>Anyways, happy new year. I just got your letter. It got forwarded like eight times. I’m positive that was not meant for me to see, but the point is...</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Junhui_Wen: </b>
  <span>Do you still live in Portland? Because crazy coincidence….that’s actually where I’m moving in two weeks. I just became a soloist with Oregon Ballet Theater. Do you still dance? </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Junhui_Wen: </b>
  <span>it’s probably weird to ask this but you started it being weird by sending me a love letter you wrote in middle school...do you maybe want to grab dinner sometime? I don’t know anyone else in the city and it would be nice to have a friend.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The End -- wait, what's this?! It's...It's...BY GOD IT'S JUNHUI WEN WITH A STEEL CHAIR</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/lithomancy">my twitter</a> / <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/lithomancy">my curiouscat</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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